Scottsdale State
by kaatee
Summary: Sabina Pleasure continues her new life almost 8 years after Eagle Strike, when one ordinary day, an old face makes an appearance. Most hopefully, a Mary-Sue-free area
1. 9 'til 7

**A/n: Why, hello, Alex Rider fan goers :)  
Because I got such a reply from my last Sabina/Alex one-shot (**_**Los Angeles**_**), I've been trying to think of a way to make a full story out of the idea. Whilst I was walking my way home from 6****th**** form yesterday morning, I think I succeeded. For the record, this fic completely ignores what I wrote in the last one – as in they are totally separate and not a continuation of each other. Again, this fic also ignores the end of Snakehead, just because I didn't like it. Sabina never came back to England.  
If you've got a spare couple of minutes, please press the button at the end and leave me a quick review, just 'like it' or 'don't like it' would be appreciated.  
One more thing, this might be a rather confusing first chapter so let me know if there's anything you don't understand. If not, it should all come clear later on, trust me on that. Thanks for reading!**

_Scottsdale State_

_Sabina Pleasure_

_9 'til 7_

The diner was literally buzzing with activity.

I glanced up at the clock from my position of bending over table 7. It read half past eleven. I went back to polishing the vacant tables. Today was dragging so far, I'd only started at nine but it felt like I'd been here all day already.

Looking up to see a sea of several more tables I had to clean, I sighed. Welcome to Sabina Pleasure's boring life.

Just to think about something different, I dragged my mind back to this morning. I'd had to get up at about half seven, as usual, waking up my housemate in the process.

_I ventured back into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel, to find him sitting up in the bed, rubbing his eyes quite fiercely. "Morning." I greeted, holding the towel securely around me with one hand and bending across the bed to give him a light kiss on the cheek. "Did you sleep well?" I asked, out of politeness – it would be rude not to after waking him up. I made my way to my dresser for some underwear. _

"_Mmmm." He grunted, running his fingers through his hair. _

_I turned, smiling down at him. He wasn't a morning person. "I'll take that as a yes, then, shall I?" I slid my pants over my skin, still staring at him from where I sat at the end of the bed._

_He nodded at me, his eyes half closed. "What are you doing up this early?" He glanced at the clock. "It's only, like, ten to eight." _

"_Cooper, don't be stupid." I told him. "It's a Saturday and I get up this time every Saturday. I've got to work."_

_He stretched, groaning as he did so. "Every Saturday?" He frowned and my smile widened; his morning face what so cute. "Are you sure?"_

_Laughing, I threw the towel to the floor, stood and clipped my bra on. "Yes, every Saturday. You seem extra confused this morning, are you feeling ok?"_

_He nodded again, shaking off the duvet and pulling on some thin tracksuit bottoms. My eyes trailed him as he crossed the corridor to the bathroom. I finished dressing, eventually choosing between my choice of either my pink jersey or a plain navy t-shirt. My work didn't have a strict uniform; they didn't have the correct staff count to warrant one. We had to wear a basic top and, usually, jeans or 'comfortable' trousers. The summer had arrived, however, so we were allowed to wear shorter bottoms. I chose the t-shirt and hauled on a pair of knee length jeans. These were quite tight to my waist – my small jeans – so I didn't bother to put a belt on. They had a small mucky coloured stain on my left leg, but, after looking myself up and down in the mirror, I decided it wouldn't matter; I'd only have to but my apron on anyway. _

_Picking the towel off the floor, I leant forward to catch my hair with it and threw it over my head. It would keep it clean whilst I applied my make-up. I walked to the bathroom, and, knocking first, I went in. _

_Cooper was staring at himself from across the sink. "One second." He said, running the cold tap and splashing his face. He towelled his face dry, sidestepping so I could get to the mirror. The bathroom wasn't huge, but it was all we could afford. He stood aside and spoke to me. "What time are you working today?"_

_I fought the urge to sigh; it had always annoyed me that, after working the same hours for nearly two years, he couldn't remember. I knew when he worked. I didn't want to upset him though; I had woken him up three hours before he usually surfaced, after all. "Nine to seven." I clarified. "You're in at twelve, right?"_

"_Mhmm," I watched him from the side of my vision as I put on my foundation and a little concealer; I'd not slept to well last night. I looked at myself, and, satisfied with my skin tone, I put on a bit of powder and applied a tiny amount of mascara._

_I turned and stared at my gorgeous, absolutely knackered excuse for a boyfriend. "What do you fancy for breakfast?" I smiled, toddling towards him and grasping at his bare waist. _

_His deep blue eyes looked more awake as he stared steadily back at me. His face was brighter and he covered my hands with his own. "Anything you want, babe. What are you thinking?" _

_I laughed, his face right up to mine. "English fry-up." I replied._

_He gave me a light kiss, smiling into my lips. His blonde hair fell forward and tickled my cheeks. "You know I love it when you make all your weird English food for me."_

I beamed as the scene came to an end in my mind; my home life had never been quite this happy since I was about fourteen years old. Unconsciously, I checked the clock again and, unsurprisingly, it was still half eleven, but now I felt better. Cooper started at twelve; the idea brought my mood up even now.

I'd met him here, on my very first day of work. I'd got a job here because I'd been under the illusion that waitressing was easy work – for the record, it's not. He'd been working here for about six months when I'd started, and at first, we'd not got on well at all. It'd taken my working here for five months for us to bury our differences and try to get on. We'd realised what we'd both been missing out on, and now we were both incredibly happy – at least, I _hoped_ he was as happy as I was. We'd started living together after being an item for around four months. Some of the people we worked with had found it weird since we'd not been together all that long. But it was the simplest thing to do at the time; Cooper's parents had thrown him out the previous week – he had just turned twenty three at the time and they'd decided he needed the shoot the nest, as it were. He'd been staying with me for a while before I offered that he just move in. I knew why people thought it was strange at first, but we were serious about each other and I figured: we're both adults, we talked about it and decided it was the best thing for us. He'd been my boyfriend for a year and a couple of months now and I think we're both content with the arrangement.

Cooper was very sensitive to my work – work for my degree that is. If I needed some space on my own to do something, he was happy to go out for an hour. I was taking a degree in art and design, but majoring in fashion. It's more difficult than it sounds. There was so much emphasis on the theory of art now, and that was the part I struggled most with. I spent as much time as I could manage on my work, making it the best I could, but I had to work this job to pay for my half of the apartment. That was one good thing about Cooper living with me – I only paid half my rent now. He understood that I was finding this, my third year, hard. I was hoping to graduate with a good grade and be offered a job at the end of this year. I didn't know where Cooper and I would go from there, but we'd cross that bridge when it came down to it.

My head was brought back to the present when I realised I'd cleaned all the tables. When my mind cleared, I started to process the sound of the counter bell. Someone was waiting, quite impatiently, to be served. I hurried around to the other side of the counter and pull out my order papers. I looked up to see a young man standing before me, glancing down at the menu under the glass. His short and spiky blonde hair faced me, his fit and muscular body bent over as he read. Wow. If I wasn't spoken for…

His head raised but his eyes stayed on the glass. I caught a glimpse of his upper body, towards his neck. It was thick and toned. I bet this guy didn't have trouble getting girls. "I think I'll have…" His voice trailed off as he looked up and smiled. "Sorry." His grin was lovely.

Suddenly his face shifted. His mouth fell slack as he gazed at me and his eyes widened. I blushed; surely he wasn't thinking those sorts of thoughts about me. "What can I get for you?" I prompted, hoping we could move on from this awkward silence.

"Oh my God." I watched his lips move as he spoke that universal phrase in such a typical British accent. I stared into this stranger's eyes and saw what I should have expected to see. They were an oh so emotive chocolate colour. I broadened my vision and looked at his features together. It was the face I'd been dreaming about for almost eight years.

I almost choked to get the word out. "Alex?"


	2. LA Life

**A/n: Thanks for the reply for the last chapter. Special Hello to Irish Hails; made me laugh a great deal. Also, I'd decided on the name Hailey for this chapter before you reviewed me, but she can be named after you if you like :) Work sucks ;)  
I only wrote my first chapter a bit ago, so, as you can tell, it's been an incredibly slow Saturday, with me doing very little except for sitting in front of my tv with my laptop on my knee. I would call _myself_ sad, but I'm pretty sure you're already doing it ;)  
This is the second instalment, which I hope is ok. Give us a bell and let me know what you think, that would be great, and I shall get to work on the next one. **

_LA Life_

"Jesus, Sabina," My mouth gaped as he voiced my name and I stared at him dumbly. His presence here still hadn't sunk in. "What the hell are you doing in Arizona?" His voice sounded partly irate, but his face was still in shock.

My eyes took in his appearance once more and I no longer noted his abdominals and biceps as muscular. I couldn't find him sexy anymore; I could only look at him in awe. How had he come to be here? Of all the millions of cafés he might have wandered into on this day, he happened to choose the one I worked in? I wasn't really a believer in fate, but I was sure that this might change my mind. "Erm…" I tried desperately to speak, but, for once in my life, I had genuine difficulty. I was speechless, a first, I assure you. "I..." I heard a rip and looked down. I'd been fidgeting unconsciously with my order book, not that it was much of a book now. "Sorry. I… what… I can't do this." I eventually managed, turning on my heels and taking off into the back. I caught sight of his face as I twisted, and it burned onto my mind. He looked so puzzled, his eyebrows pushed together and his lips screwed into a frown, livid. I threw myself down onto the ground, leaning back against the wall. Luckily, the staff room was empty.

Of course, he had no idea what effect he'd had on me all those years ago. I'd become like a hermit – yes, me.

His part in my life is something I will never quite manage to forget. I've done a good job so far, I thought about it minimally, usually when I'm feeling down, and when I do bring my mind to it, I see how little I could have done. I'm eventually coming round. Being abducted, taken aboard Air Force One and held at gun point is not something that's easy to accept, but is something that you have to. I remember every second of that time, quite vividly, even after 8 years, but I just choose not to think about it. I have a new life now and I'm starting to get into a rhythm. I like the person I'm turning into – I can't go back to how I was before; I lost almost 3 years of my life.

I'd been home for 3 days after the Damian Cray incident – understatement of the century – when my dad announced over a family dinner that he'd been offered a job in America. If he'd have told us a few weeks previous, I would definitely have said no, but now I was undecided. My mum managed to convince me that a move would be good for us, as a family. They'd been hit pretty badly with the whole situation, and, for the sake of their happiness, I agreed to the move. From the moment we touched down in LA airport, they'd loved it. My dad thought the people were amazing, talkative and friendly, and my mum was more than content with the constant sunshine. I wasn't certain. Sure the weather was nice, and it'd be great to have an all year sun tan, but it would just be a new place to try and get used to, new people to meet and new experiences to shock me.

At first, America didn't disappoint. I had the perfect sunned skin within just a few weeks, but school was almost unbearable. Everyone had been welcoming for a few days, but once they noted my quiet and reserved behaviour, they began to just ignore me. I fell into the background. I started to loathe school, and, eventually, stopped going. My mum wasn't at all happy, as is to be expected, but there was nothing she could do about it. Every year, without fail, she'd sign me up for the new school year – and I would go, for the first few weeks, at least. It turned into a vicious circle. All it took was one argument. One huge argument between me and my mum. We shouted and cried at each other for at least an hour, so loudly that the neighbours called the police and my mum was accused of child abuse. Nothing came of the visit, everything was cleared up within a few weeks, but I got more than I wanted to think about. I'd just turned nineteen, and I had no qualifications, no out look and, certainly, no job to go to; I was still living with my parenst and not paying rent. I decided it was time for me to pick myself up off the floor and move on. I chose never to think of England, and essentially Alex, again, and instead took up as many classes and extra curricular activities as I could.

I got to twenty one years old when I knew it was time to move out. I loved my parents dearly, but my breakdown had been hard on them and they were still worried it would happen again. I told them over the phone one day that I was intending to cross state to Arizona. Whilst they were secretly sad to see me go, they were elated for me. My mum trusted me with the knowledge she wanted me to stay local and I cried. I explained my reasoning to her: it wasn't that I didn't want to be with them, I just wanted to be somewhere entirely new. If I was somewhere, totally alone, I could really make a good name for myself and settle down. I did not want to be so far away that I couldn't see my parents though, that was why I chose Arizona.

I put a lot research into my choice of town and I chose Scottsdale. The university choices were top and they had plenty of vacant flats listed on the internet. I bought myself a car and left within the same week.

I was approaching twenty three now, and here I was: collapsed on the floor in the staff room of my job at a diner, crying over a man I've not seen in eight years. I was pathetic.

Alex didn't know anything that had happened after I'd left England. I remember my mum telling me he'd rang a couple of times, but I never spoke to him again, simply because I couldn't. I didn't blame him for those years I lost, I don't blame anyone apart from myself, and maybe Damian Cray – but only a little bit. And, believe me, I've wanted to contact him a few times since my move to Scottsdale, but I wasn't sure I'd be a welcome call. Seeing him now was so unexpected. I should go out and speak to him; what I did was rude, but I was scared. I didn't want to lose anymore of my life from painful memories coming back to me. What if I saw him and broke down again? He would be a terrible reminder.

My mind screamed at me from a corner I never knew existed. _Alex looks good!_ It was true, and it was undeniable. There were so many things I'd wanted to ask him and never had the chance, so many questions about his secret identity and his life after I'd gone. In those few brief times I had thought about him, I had missed him. We'd become really close in the small amount of time that we'd known one another and I missed my friend. There was a short time when I'd wished we could be more than that; he'd been different to any other boy I'd known and I'd wanted him more than anyone.

I _had _to speak to him. I wouldn't let him slip away from me this time.

I checked my watch: nearly quarter to twelve, and pulled out my mobile from deep inside the pocket of my apron. Scrolling through the list of recent calls, I quickly found Cooper's number. I pressed to ring.

He picked up after the first few rings, but there was silence for moment as he put the phone to his ear. "Hey, Sab, what's up? I thought you were working, babe?"

"Erm, yes, I am." I blabbed, uselessly. I thought through my sentence quickly before I said it. If I were to talk to Alex now and become what I was back in California, I wanted Cooper to know exactly how I felt. "Cooper, honey, you know I love you, right?" It felt so stupid having to ask this, but I wanted to check he understood.

To my surprise, he laughed. "Yeah, I do. What you gone and done?"

I shook my head, smiling. I brought my hand up to my forehead, cradling it as I leant sideways and stood up. "Nothing, I'm just feeling… w-weird." I stammered. "Sorry I called you, babe." I gave a small chuckle, feeling really dumb. "I don't know what I was thinking. Are you walking into work?"

"Mhmm, I'll see you in ten."

"Ok, see you soon." I hung up, holding the phone between my two hands and tapping a finger nail against it while I thought about what I was about to do.

I tried to convince myself that I needed this, but I was having a hard time in doing so. I _wanted_ this, definitely, but I didn't think there was anything else to it. I wanted to speak to Alex, ask him about what he was doing here and whether he'd thought about me at all. This may be my only chance, if he was still even here. I'd probably never see him again.

I crunched my hands into tight fists, my fingers digging into my palms so much it hurt. I held them there as I walked back through onto the floor.

I couldn't decide whether I wanted Alex to be there or not. One the one hand, my mental state would stay pretty much the same if he'd already left. Maybe he'd taken my actions towards him before as my way of staying away from him. Personally, I wouldn't blame him; I had acted quite harshly. But part of me wanted him to be there – I did want to say a few things to him. I feel he deserves at least a thank you from me; I can't remember whether I ever did thank him for coming for me during the whole unforgettable incident.

I pushed through the swinging doors back to the counter, and my mind wasn't required to make the decision at all. I raised my head to glance around and there he was, tucked away at table five in the corner, his eyes averted to the newspaper spread out in front of him. My mouth gaped once again at his body shape. His face fit well with his incredible body.

Serving an old couple by the till, my manager stood before me, smiling. She turned to look who had come through and gawked at me with apprehensive eyes.

I tried to look positive; although I was sure my eyes would be slightly puffy. I'd come close to tears back there, but not quite made it. "Hailey, do you mind if I take my break?" I asked in my most-normal voice.

She leant back to the couple, handing them their change and walked towards me. "Yeah, course you can." Her accent was Texan and had amused me to no end since I'd first started here. "You ok? You look," She considered me for a minute. "Tired." She finally finished, pausing in front of me.

I nodded. "Yes, I guess I am." I tried to make light of it by shrugging. "How long have I got?"

She quickly glanced up to the clock above the door, looking straight over my head. For the brief moment I wasn't in her gaze, I turned mine to Alex. Naturally, he'd chosen that exact instant to stare directly back at me. His eyes, even from this far across the room, could tell me so much if only I had the time to register. They were so deep, and their colour was one I'd never seen in anyone else. He watched me with a blank face and I resisted the instinct to shiver, I'd never seen his face look that dead before. Maybe he didn't want to talk to me.

"How about a half hour?" I heard a voice ring through my ear and tore my eyes back to Hailey.

I nodded, hoping I looked remotely happy. "Yes, that's great. I'll be back by quarter past twelve." I made to stalk away from her, already undoing the ties of the apron at the small of my back.

"If you need any more time, just come find me, kay?" I spun to see Hailey's eyes following my progression across the café. She looked genuinely worried now.

I tried to smile again, nodding to her. I held my apron in one hand as I strode as confidently as I could towards table five. I didn't care whether he wanted to speak to me or not. He'd sat down in the diner he knew I worked in and settled with a newspaper, and in my eyes, that's asking for something.

His head rose as I got closer to him and, to my surprise, a small grin passed across his face and reached his eyes. He confused me – period. I was almost set back by his smile; it had always made me feel like this – like… I don't know – like he was hiding something. Surely, he would be. He was never totally honest. I approached the table slower, staring down at him through narrowed eyes.

As I stopped by the table, he gestured for me to sit down, folding up his newspaper and tossing it onto a spare chair. "I wondered whether you'd be back out."


	3. The Past

**A/n: Wow, again, that response was amazing! Writing for _Twilight_ never got me the same amount of replies and reviews, it's fantastic!  
Again, I've had a pretty slow day, although I have done slightly more, so I have another addition to my story so far. It's back to school tomorrow so updates might be slower, but they will be there if you're all willing to wait.  
I just have a couple of things I'd like to mention:  
1. I think it might just be me being slow, but did anyone else notice that if you say 'Sabina Pleasure' fast it sounds like 'It's been a pleasure'? Is Anthony Horowitz having a joke with his characters or did he not notice either?  
2. I'm having a little trouble with my case/mission that I'm going to have Alex on, and I just wanted to ask if there's anyone out there with a vivid/adventurous imagination that wants to help me out? If you wanna know what I've got so far then tell me in a review and I'll send you a message so you can help me fill in the gaps. I hope this chapter is ok and thanks for reading! I accept constuctive criticism, so let me know if there's anywhere I can improve, or even just review to say 'I like it' would be great! x**

_The Past_

He gestured for me to sit, but I still stood, glaring down at him as his smug grin registered in my head. I crossed my arms.

"Sab…" He sighed, holding back a laugh. "Let's not make a scene."

I shook my head; how dare he tell me what to do? I continued to shoot daggers at him, but I was sure it wouldn't be quite as intimidating as I wanted, what with me holding an apron in one hand. "Why are you here?" Was all I could manage without yelling. I didn't know what had made me so angry; but it was like a switch had flicked in my brain, and I hated his guts. I didn't think I'd taken personal offence with him being in my diner, but something was definitely upsetting me.

Alex looked pointedly around at all the diners surrounding him and glanced back at me steadily. I got the message: he couldn't, or maybe didn't, want to tell me here. As I turned to see how many people were eating, I caught one man watching us, rather obviously, from over his soup. Alex was right; it would be a bad idea. I sat down to his left and leant back into the chair. I sighed. "When?"

He laughed, my head rising to see his smile widen and his eyes glint in the light. He really was quite beautiful; I'd never thought he'd end up looking like this when I was fifteen. "You know I can't."

"Alex, are you serious!" I wanted to shout at him, but I resisted the urge, keeping my voice reserved so I didn't attract attention. "You can't come swanning in here like you own the place but go all quiet once you find out I happen to work here!" I honestly wanted to burst; my temper was something I'd never be able to control.

"Actually, I can." His face went serious, tilting his chest towards me and holding my eyes. "It's in my job description."

Keeping his eye contact, I shook my head again. "Three guesses what you're still doing."

His smile returned, although not quite as pronounced. I wasn't sure whether to feel sorry for him. He was obviously still with the secret service, but he didn't give the impression that it bothered him. He was definitely a member of the family he'd told me about. Maybe it'd grown on him; personally that grey haired man with his female deputy had done nothing to convince me of the security of London. I'd never have the nerve to do what I know Alex had done. "I'm sorry." He apologised, which confused me.

"For what?"

He gave me a long look and I wondered what was going through his mind. "For being here." He said after a strange silence. "You obviously don't want me to be and I'm sorry I stayed. I wasn't sure what you wanted me to do."

I was quiet for some time before I thought of a decent reply. Part of me had wanted him to stay but the other part had wanted him to leave so I'd never have to see him again. Now that I'd given in to my selfish side, I wasn't about to walk away with nothing to show for it. He wouldn't guilt trip me into saying I wanted him to stay, nor would he make me feel bad for my behaviour before; I felt awful about it already. "I'm uncertain of what I want." I decided was the best thing to say. "I've not seen you in coming on eight years and I'm not sure what effect it'll have on me."

His eyebrows pulled together in perplexity. "What do you mean?" His face was blank again.

I stared at him for a moment whilst I made a decision. Would it be right to tell him what had happened back in LA, or would it just be looking for pity? I was not after anyone's sympathy over the whole situation, but I thought he deserved to know. I'd not returned any of his calls for years and I'd never explained why. Maybe now was the time. No doubt, in an hour, he'd walk out that front door and I'd never see him again. Whatever I told him, I wouldn't have to live with his reactions for any length of time. I chose to tell him.

I told him, first, of my unease about moving to America, thinking it would be strange to get used to a new place after what had happened. He agreed with my mum on that part, saying that he would have said the same had it been him. I informed him of my nightmare at school, how I'd felt so lonely and unsatisfied. He seemed genuinely shocked when I said I'd started skipping school and asked what I'd done instead. I blushed and told him I'd end up in the mall, sitting in an old coffee shop for hours until I felt it was ok to return home, either that, or I'd just refuse to go altogether. He asked whether I'd ever gone back to get my qualifications and I told him I had. He seemed content with that, but riled me by enquiring as to why I worked in a diner.

"It's not as easy as it looks, you know." I defended, throwing up my arms to gesture to the room. "This is only part time while I get my degree, I work about twenty five hours a week and the pay's really poor. I have to earn some substance to live off and this place was the only thing going at the time."

"Why do you live _here_ now?" He appeared sincerely curious about my life after England, his eyes were alight and analysing me as I spoke.

I went on to the argument between me and mum that had opened my eyes to what I'd become and explained how I'd bounced back. That made him smile.

"You've not changed one bit; still as stubborn as ever. Where are you parents?"

"Back in LA, they still love it there. I visit them occasionally, and if my dad gets any jobs out here, he brings my mum with him and they stay with me. They seem happy." I averted my eyes for a moment as I thought of home. I hadn't seen my parents in at least half a year, I should probably invite myself down some time soon, Cooper wouldn't mind driving. "Anyway, I knew I had to move out, so I crossed state to Arizona and settled down here. It's been about…" I thought for a second. "Two, maybe three, years. I like it, the community is tight and I fit right in." I assured him, wondering if he'd ask anything else.

"Well," He said, leaning back in his seat and smiling. "You've not been bored without me, I see."

His tone made me give a small laugh. "No, I haven't. I've had quite a run."

"I can tell…" His voice trailed off, looking me straight for a moment. He definitely had the eyes for his job; they struck me as the kind that didn't need to look twice to notice absolutely every detail. "Why didn't you call?" He bent forwards and leant his elbows on the table. "I've had all these problems before – since I was fourteen. I went through all these odd feelings of loneliness and isolation before I even met you. You should have rung me, even if it was just for someone to talk to. Honestly, Sabina, there was no need to go off the rails."

"I didn't _decide_ to turn catatonic." I snarled, angrily, at him. The way he'd said it had sounded snide and I wasn't about take insults from him. His face registered shock, at which I toned it down a touch. "Sorry, it's just… it was a difficult time for me." I admitted, staring down at my knees. "I didn't know whether I'd be a welcome call at our house after… everything. I never even thought that you'd care what I was going through after the way I left you under that bridge before we emigrated." I looked up at him, smiling sweetly. "And I'm sure my mum wouldn't have appreciated me spending fifty dollars on the phone everyday by calling cross continent."

"I guess not." He showed me a warm grin, and I wished I could promise him something; unfortunately, I had nothing he'd want.

Another silence began. It lasted a couple of minutes before I remembered the main reason I'd come out to speak to him. "Oh. I almost forgot. I wanted to say thank you, you know, for all that stuff with Damian Cray." I tried to sound sincere, although I had no idea how it came out.

"You didn't need to!" He laughed, "It's, like you say, nearly eight years ago. I'd almost disregarded the whole thing until I saw you behind that counter." He threw an arm out towards the queue of people being served.

"I suppose seeing me brought back some memories for you, too."

His chuckle continued. "You could say that. You know I cared about you, Sabina, seeing you go was one of the hardest things I'd ever done."

My face shifted on hearing his words. I guess I'd never considered whether he'd had those types of feelings towards me back when we were young. I knew I'd hurt him by leaving; heck, he'd just saved my life about three times over and I'd repaid him by fleeing the country. But, not even once, had I wondered if he'd liked me in that way. If I'd have discovered that earlier on, I might have made a move. Maybe I'd still be living in England, paying for my London flat with money from my university loan and sharing my life with the strange man sat in front of me. I would never know… but, God, I wanted to. It was my turn to apologise. "I'm sorry." I hung my head, trying desperately to hold myself together; I'd cried over worse things in the past.

I felt a jolt of calm as he reached his hand across the table and cradled my arm. "It's been nearly a decade; do you think we can put it behind us? We've both moved on, we've got new lives and new heads on our shoulders. What we had was great, but we were young. Yeah, it wasn't at all nice, but I'm willing to play down my feelings if you are." His smile was comforting and held me quiet for longer than usual. Cooper had never had this effect on me before; I hardly knew what'd come over me.

Slowly, and quite stupidly, I managed to nod, faking a small grin to seal the promise.

"Sab?" I turned, shocked, hoping the voice didn't belong to who I was one hundred percent sure it did. I'd recognise his gorgeous Arizona accent anywhere. Cooper stood, huge, in the doorway to the diner, his scruffy work shirt untucked from his walk down here. "What are you doing sat all the way over there?"


	4. Of the Male Persuasion

**A/n: My life really is getting quite sad, a 17 year old girl posting 4 chapters of a fic in 3 days :/ *Raises Hand* Social life here please! ;)  
From the 'requests', if they can be called that, I've had from reviewers and stuff, I've tried to please everyone.  
This chapter is **_**supposed**_** to be funny, so let me know what you think. I don't consider myself that hilarious in real life (my sense of humour is an aquired taste), so the response to this could be interesting.  
Again, I'm still having trouble with my Alex mission, so if you're feeling creative, tell me in a review and you can help me fill in the holes of my plan.  
Other than that, on with the chapter, I guess. It's a little short, but I think all was said that needed to be, so hope you guys like it!**

_Of the Male Persuasion_

I stared at Cooper from across the room, his hand still holding the diner door open. He was gawping at me, waiting for a reply.

I tried to keep my face straight as I smiled towards him and gesticulated for him to come over. "I'm just talking to an old friend." Ha! I would hardly call Alex just that, but for Cooper's sake…

He strode over, the door crashing behind him. His bound was by no means graceful, but the confusion on his face made my grin slightly wider. I could tell he'd not woken up much since this morning. Turning back to Alex, I mouthed a silent apology and he nodded, waiting patiently.

Cooper took my shoulder in his hands as he got to my side. "Here's the house key." He said, crouching beside me and dropping our apartment key ring on the table.

"Did you lock up properly this time?" I asked, smiling sarcastically down at him. It'd happened only once, him not locking the door quite right and we'd gone home to no electronic equipment. Luckily, we didn't have much worth stealing, so it didn't cost us much to replace it all – it just cost us more in home insurance each year. I'd never let him forget it though.

He shook his head, exasperated. "Yeah, the same way I do every day." He craned his head up to kiss my cheek. "So, who's your friend?" He turned with purposeful slowness and peered at Alex with such a fake-Cooper smile that Alex _had_ to realise.

I, honest to God, almost burst out laughing. He'd never had much trouble with my hanging around other men, mainly because my friends were his friends and he was usually there, but it didn't take a genius to work out what wad going through his head right now. He may not be a lot of things, but he was still a man. I managed to compose myself, about to answer, when Alex interrupted me.

"Hi, I'm Alex Collins." He reached his hand across the table and Cooper took it, his grin lopsided on the left. Alex Collins? My only guess was that he didn't want to be traced here, so was using a made up name. "I'm a friend of Sabina's from back in England. Sorry if I'm causing some sort of inconvenience." I smiled to myself; he was _good_… even his accent sounded innocent!

Cooper obviously couldn't think through any kind of snide retort, so just went for the original. "Great to meet you, mate." He threw an arm around my neck and continued. "Yeah, she's a great girl, right?"

I knew Alex's face well enough to see the amused look cross his eyes; I didn't think it would register with my lovely boyfriend though. He wasn't always the sharpest tool in the box.

"Cooper, honey," I tried to be gentle with him; his head was clearly quite a strange place right now. "I'm back on in quarter of an hour and me and Alex just have a few more things we need to talk about. I'll come find you when I'm back from my break, ok?"

He looked at me as if I were stupid. "Aren't you even gonna introduce me?"

To be frank, I'd not even thought about it. Alex and I would probably never see each other again therefore I didn't see much point in familiarising him with my significant other – but hey, if Cooper wanted that, then sure. "I can, I guess." I shrugged his arm from my neck. "Alex, this is Cooper, my boyfriend." I noticed in my peripheral vision that Cooper's chest puffed out as I mentioned his relationship to me. What did he expect me to do, deny I even knew him? Silly boy. I spun my head to face him. "Happy now?" I opened my eyes slightly wider, politely asking him to leave us alone. "Can we have some privacy?"

He nodded, a huge grin spread from ear to ear. "Sure. Just come find me when you're back cause I think I've broken the toaster and you'll wanna know what I've been doing with it before you go home – it ain't pretty."

I blushed – I couldn't believe he'd just admitted to that in the presence of witnesses. "Are you positive I'll want to know how you appear to have killed our toaster?" He didn't reply, however his expression told me what I already knew: we needed a new toaster. "Right, fine." I waved my hand to the air, sighing. "I'll speak to you soon, ok?" He stretched his lips up to mine, bid Alex farewell with more enthusiasm than was necessary and sauntered away, an extra spring in his step. Sometimes, I was genuinely curious what had attracted me to him in the first place. I watched him walk away for a second getting a perfect view of his flawlessly toned backside; _Ahhh_, that was it. Hey, I'm only human.

I smiled, turning back to Alex. "I actually apologise for that." I tried to make light of it. "I've been told in the past that he needs a lead."

Alex laughed. "He seems nice. Definitely your type."

I opened my mouth, shocked. "And just _what_ do you mean by that, Mr _Collins_?"

"Well, he's obviously insane – I guess that's a start."

I nodded. "Yeah, he sure isn't normal." I sighed again, looking down at the table. After a silence, Alex sprang the conversation back up.

"Was there anything else you wanted to say?" I glanced up to his face and found him staring calculatingly at me.

"No, why?"

"You just sent your boyfriend away so we could finish our chat, but I don't know what there is left to talk about." His eyes were almost too intense for me to form coherent thoughts.

I leant forwards, hoping to get some truth out of him. "Where are you going from here, Alex?" I whispered.

He mirrored my pose, lowering his tone too. "I wish I could tell you, seriously, I do." He looked around again, checking for eavesdroppers. "Anyone could be listening and I can't take that chance."

His voice was just so bleeding soothing that I momentarily forgot what the hell I was doing. "Sure." I tried not to make my words too snappy. "Here." I pushed my apartment key towards his hand on the table but pulled my own fingers away quickly; God knows what I'd do. My boyfriend was probably watching our every movement – there was no need to give him any reason to become suspicious. "Take this; I'll give you the directions. I finish at seven pm tonight, be there by the time I get home." I attempted to hold his eye contact, but it was proving difficult. "If you've got no where to hang low for today, feel free to go back there now and make yourself at home."

"Why are you doing this?" His features almost appeared pained and it hurt to think it was my words that were doing that to him.

"Alex, you've just listened to me bang on about my past for what seemed well over ten minutes, and all the way through you looked so vulnerable. You need someone neutral to confide in and I just elected myself."

"Sab, you don't have to do that for me. I've been a lone soldier for at least a decade, and I've been ok. I don't want to talk about my life, it's just too much."

"What about Jack?" I was surprised I'd not thought about her earlier.

He glared down at the cheap white table cloth and thought. "She… Ah…" He was quiet, reserved and oh so cute as he sat, looking uncomfortable as the conversation turned to him. After a moment, he pushed back from the table and stood up, taking the key ring between his fingers. "Fine. Where do you live?"


	5. Toaster Tales

**A/n: Morning/Evening to all!  
So, I just wanted to mention here that I've decided I'm going to start making my chapter lengths longer. Mainly because when I see a story on here and it says underneath 'Chapters: 40 Words: 50,000' I really can't be bothered to read it, too much like hard work. So I'm going to make my posts longer to save on chapter use, if that makes sense.  
Also, I really need to give my **_**Twilight**_** story some love, so my next post could be in about a week, hope that's ok and that you'll come back for it! Thanks for reading. xx**

_Toaster Tales_

It didn't take long for me to guide Alex through the streets of Scottsdale to my apartment, Cooper and I lived about fifteen minutes from the diner on foot and the alleyways were fairly distinctive. The English road system was something I'd never come to miss; America's squared layout made navigation through unfamiliar areas so much simpler. I gave him the directions only once and he'd already memorised them.

He left for my apartment at around ten past twelve, leaving me five minutes of my break still to take. When I'd asked what he planned on doing for the rest of the day, he'd checked whether my offer from before still stood. I'd reassured him that my flat was open to him to make himself at home; there was no point him hanging around some street corner and getting picked up by the police. He'd laughed and departed.

Now for the difficult part.

I decided to get straight back to work, making a mental note to take an extra five minutes later in the afternoon. I discovered upon entering that Cooper was kitchen help today as he shuffled quickly towards me. His white shirt was already blathered in a series of disgusting food stains, although his trousers seemed to be holding. Fantastic – more washing for me this evening. He had a tea towel tucked into his waistband as he approached me, his face brightened.

"Sab! What's happening?" I felt his left hand through the fabric of my shirt as it hovered at my hip. I used to be surprised by his level of public displays of affection; it was unusually high for a man, but it didn't bother me so much anymore.

"With what?" I carried on walking towards the sink – best get something done, after all – but I slowed my pace. He began striding backwards, following my direction.

"Your friend? Alex?" He clarified, as if it were obvious, which, I suppose, it was. "How did he end up here?"

"I'm not entirely sure…" I sighed; so far, I'd got nothing out of Alex. "We're meeting up later to talk when I'm not limited with my time." I'd reached a tower of dirty plates by this time, and I really wasn't in the mood to discuss my surprise arrival, especially not with my colleagues wandering in and out of the kitchen. "Honey, can we just talk about this tonight?"

"Talk about what?" He asked, defensively, staying by my side as I started the tap and plopped the plates through the bubbles. "What is there you need to say?" I knew what he was asking, even if he didn't want to say it aloud. What a thing to insinuate.

"Nothing, baby, honestly." I turned to him, holding his arms in my wet hands; he didn't pull away. "What do you want me to say? There is absolutely _nothing_ going on between me and Alex." I looked up into his face and was surprised to find genuine worry haunting his features. "Why all this concern? I don't think I've ever seen you this anxious. What is about Alex that's making you uncomfortable?"

I don't know why I asked, I knew exactly what he was going to reply before he even opened his mouth. "It's just… I don't know, Sabina. He's so…" He averted his gaze, staring down at himself as best he could. I understood. "He's just, like, the total opposite of me. He's so good looking and I don't want to lose you." His eyes found mine again and I knew he was telling the truth; his pupils trembled when he spoke about his feelings. I momentarily thought back to the first time he'd told me he loved me.

_I heard the front door slam from where I lay, sprawled out on a sun lounger in my parents back garden, feeling warm even in just a bikini set. The bright and beautiful California sunshine was doing wonders for my relaxation. _

_Cooper had popped down to the corner shop to pick me up some essentials – chocolate and alcohol – to help me revive my terrible week. I was in my 2__nd__ year at university, on my first holiday break. All that could've gone wrong, this week, had. I'd done my first mock exam of the year and failed miserably; the essay I'd spent nearly four days solid working on had got lost on our shared laptop, therefore I had no work to hand in when I got back; my credit card was declining all over the place, for some unknown reason; and, to really add to matters, my balance was suffering from lack of sleep, consequently leaving me with a severe lack in non-gravy covered jeans for work. I'd consulted with Cooper on whether it would be possible for him to take a few days off college to come away and see my parents with me; I needed a holiday. He'd managed to wing a few classes absence and we'd informed the diner. My mum was ecstatic to see me, and even happier to see I'd brought a man; we'd been together for a few months and I thought it was best that they finally meet him. Cooper and my dad seemed to get on scarily well. They'd gone out just short of half an hour ago; a friend of my mum's needed some support as her sister had been taken into hospital, my dad had tagged along for assertion, leaving me and Cooper some time to chill. He stretched his head around the French doors to let me know he'd got home, and then took off back to into the house for some wine glasses. _

_"Aww, baby, you're perfect!" I moaned as he made his way over to me a minute later, two glass flutes and a plastic bag balanced in one hand. _

_He laughed, placing the bag on a nearby table, uncorking the wine bottle and pouring me a full glass. He waited whilst I sat up, making room for him next to me, before passing me the wine. I took a long sip as he placed himself next to me. "How are you feeling?" He asked, kissing around my bare shoulder blades tenderly and manoeuvring round to the back of my neck. _

_"_Sooooo_ much better, now…" I closed my eyes, drinking from habit and feeling the movement of his lips across my skin. I felt a trail of warmth fall behind as he continued, making an affectionate circle of my upper body. I was aware suddenly of his hand at my opposite side, massaging gently. "You really are good to me, you know that?"_

_Giving a low chuckle, his breathe rippled across the flesh at the top of my back. The hairs on my neck stood on end. "Yeah, and don't I know it." His direction changed, moving up my neck towards my jaw. Abruptly, he stopped and pulled back, looking at me. _

_I gazed back, wondering what was wrong. He smiled, "there's something I've been meaning to say." He announced, taking my free hand. _

_"Say it, baby, you know I'll listen to you." I encouraged, curious to know his problem. _

_"Sabina, I…" He struggled, making my grin widen in support. "I've never f-felt this way about anyone in my life. You have no idea… how it f-feels for me to be around you. I mean, it's like I'm addicted to your smile, and the way your eyes scrunch up when you yawn. I think it's time I started telling you how much…" His eyes caught mine, my mouth hanging open. It was so easy to hold his gaze, his pupils shaking slightly from the effort it was for him to speak his feelings aloud. "I love you, Sabina."_

_In true Cheshire cat style, my smile spread, ear to ear. I placed my glass delicately on the ground, wrapping my arms around Cooper's neck and holding him so closely to me, I wasn't completely sure I was breathing properly. Tears came to my eyes as I took his face in my hands and reciprocated his sentiments. His hasty yet expected kiss was different, more honest and original. It lasted a long time. _

I watched, a small frown developing on my lips, as Cooper's eyes told me his fears of me leaving him for someone else. Although I could understand where these concerns might have come from, it actually hurt my heart to think I was making him feel like this. I stepped forward, slipping my damp arms around his waist and gripping him tightly. At first, he didn't respond.

"Honey," I spoke into his t-shirt, but I was sure he'd still hear. "I'm not leaving you, ok?"

He was unresponsive still, keeping his limbs by his side and, I guessed, refusing my apology. I pulled back only slightly, trying to hold his eyes. I was telling the truth and I needed him to realise that. "Please don't think like that." I begged, my features still twisted into unhappiness. "I am _not_ going to leave you; not now, not ever. You don't get rid of me that easily." Trying to make a joke of the situation, I gave a lesser smile. It seemed to work, his strong arms wrapped around me. I leant into his chest; half wishing I didn't have to move again. "I've never done anything to make you think like this before, I'm not about to disappear now. I love you way to much to do that."

His hands caressed my hair and I felt a very minute tear trickle down my cheek – not that he'd ever know, though. "I'm sorry." His chest vibrated as he spoke, it was comforting.

"You don't need to apologise." I tried to higher my voice; wanting him to hear me clearly. "I forget sometimes that you're only male; you're usually so compassionate that I don't get to see any traditional reactions. You responded the way any man would have, and I'm sorry I gave you any reason to doubt."

His grip on me tightened and his chin rested on my head. "You're allowed to talk to men, Sabina. I can't stop you from interacting with other people just because of their sex."

I let out a small laugh. "I guess we both need to grow up a bit." I bent my back to gaze at him. "If you don't want me to meet Alex tonight, then I can cancel. I don't want my seeing Alex to cause us any problems." Although, if he asked me not to see Alex, I had no idea where he would go and how I'd get him out of our house before Cooper knew he'd even been there…

He kissed my forehead, smiling. "Of course you can see him, babe. If he's your friend then you two catch up; it would be wrong for me to stop you reminiscing on your life back in England."

"Thank you." I replied, simply, pressing my lips to his very lightly. "You would tell me if you ever got uncomfortable with this later on, wouldn't you?"

His expression changed very faintly, his grin fading a little and his eyes watching me more carefully. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I can't stay away from men for the rest of my life." I spoke lightly, hoping I didn't provoke him. "If you felt awkward about a guy I was friendly with, you would tell me, right?"

He nodded. "If that's what you want."

I smiled and clarified that that would indeed be my preferred outcome. I looked around the kitchen, curious as to why no one had come through. It was Saturday; surely it couldn't be this quiet. "Where is everybody?"

His body moved swiftly away from mine as he cursed and darted towards the ovens. "Dammit! That macaroni cheese is gonna be fried black!"

* * *

I strolled back out front, noticing the reason no one had disturbed us – they were all majorly busy out here. I made my way over to a couple of dirty tables edging the walls so I could collect the plates. It gave me half a chance to think.

From that last conversation, I was hoping me and Cooper were sort of ok now, we seemed to have some understanding of the situation going on. I definitely hadn't thought that Alex's presence here would drive a wedge between Cooper and I, I'd not even really considered Cooper in my decision to talk to Alex in the first place. It wasn't that I was selfish – well, I can't say that for myself – I just never thought. Alex and Cooper were two separate entities, you only needed to look at the two of them side-by-side to see that, and it'd never crossed my mind that they would meet. I was partially glad that they had, though. I had a strange gut feeling that Alex might be sticking around for a while, and it was good that they'd been acquainted, I guess. I wanted to know about Alex's life after I'd left, quite badly, actually, in which case, I'd have to spend some amount of time alone with him. It was best that Cooper have this reaction now rather than later.

My mind was dragged forwards to thinking about Alex sat on his own on my sofa back at my flat. I wondered whether he'd even be there when I got home that evening. I'd doubted him before, and I wasn't about to stop now. I could just imagine taking the stairs up to the second floor of my block and finding the door locked. He'd probably have left an envelope somewhere inconspicuous with a letter and my key inside. It would say that he'd been moved, that his 'people' had transferred him to a different mission. I would be devastated; there was no point in denying it. I'd practically spilled my guts to him earlier, told him everything that had happened to me since my leaving Britain, and I'd not received a single word about his life in return. I felt almost robbed by his silence.

I probably should have warned Cooper that I'd given Alex our key. He hadn't mentioned seeing me pass it across the table earlier, so he might not have been watching us after all. I would've expected him to make a point of that, if he'd spotted it. Maybe he'd actually given me the privacy I'd asked for. He really was more of a good guy than I gave him credit for. I had actually been thinking a lot recently. I was wondering whether it was time for me to settle down. Possibly get married, set myself up for some children in a few years time. I'd have to finish my degree first, hopefully be offered a mediocre-paid job, but after I was comfortable, what was stopping me? I knew Cooper well enough to know he'd probably agree with me, we could get married, buy a house and play happy families. He'd be a great father; he was very good with kids, being of a similar mental age. I did want to make him happy, incredibly so, but we'd have to sit down and physically talk about it. I could daydream all I wanted right now, but I wouldn't be able to decide for the both of us.

Business went quiet by the time half past one arrived and I as allowed to take my break, adding on the five minutes I'd not taken earlier. I heated myself some of Cooper's burnt macaroni from before and complimented it with a side salad. I went to take my food into the staff room, and, turning on the TV, I relaxed into the cheap upholstery.

The pasta was quite good, to say it'd been in the oven for at least ten minutes too long. I wondered what I'd make for our dinner tonight; random, I know. Would Alex want to stay for some tea? If he were to agree, would he feel like a third wheel in mine and Cooper's company? Would Cooper go out of his way to make Alex uncomfortable? What kind of food did he eat? What was his favourite meal?

I shook my head of all thoughts concerning him. I had to finish today, and then I would have plenty of time to worry about Alex's personality change from eight years past… He seemed so many times his senior in his mannerisms and speech. I understood that his job would lead him to possess a higher intellect than your average twenty one year old male, but he was so… mature. Maybe I was biased after over a year with Cooper, but Alex acted more like a middle aged man than a guy who just made the legal drinking age. Heck, he probably had more frequent middle aged traits than my father! Of course, it meant I could have a proper and titillating conversation with him, but how would it be affecting him in the long run? Surely all this adulthood couldn't be good for him? Everyone needed some sort of outlet in which they can let loose and just chill. I very much doubted that Alex let his hair down often. Probably thought 'relaxing' was an idea for the youth in society…

I'd just polished off my lunch when Hailey stuck her head round the staff room door. She had a small smile at her lips, pairing with her gorgeous curly dark hair. I'd always envied her for the liveliness of her mane; it brought her face to life and averted all eyes away from the rest of her body. "Sabina, numbers are pretty low out there." She took a step inside to join me. "I wouldn't usually ask you or Cooper because I know you guys like the money, but how would you like to finish early?" She had always been one to gesticulate with her hands; right now they were performing circles around one another. "All the other kids got a flyer this week, so I thought I'd better ask you. If you don't want it, no worries, cause Ben'll have it. As always."

"Actually," I began, grinning up at her. She couldn't have possibly picked a better day. "Today I'd quite like to go home. What time is it?"

She threw a quick glance at her watch. "Just nearly two. How about you work 'til three and you can call it a day?" Hailey smiled, already striding to leave the room.

"That's great." I raised my voice, hoping she could still hear. "Thanks!" She was gone; I lounged back into the arm chair I was occupying and focussed my face in the general direction of the TV screen. I wasn't really watching it, but I needed to concentrate on something. I didn't normally accept any offers to go home given by my managers; I didn't see much point if they weren't paying me, I might as well stay. Like Hailey said, Cooper and I could use all the money we can get our hands on. But today, for obvious reasons, was different. I was anxious to get home and speak to Alex. If it meant missing out on four hours pay, then fine. It would give me a few more hours alone with him before Cooper got home when we'd no longer be able to speak openly.

Cooper was allowed his break when I had ten minutes left of mine. He was his normal chattering self as he sat by me, telling me about the 'awesome' ice cream sundae he'd made earlier. I mentioned the toaster incident to him and asked him to elaborate. He laughed, saying he'd been making himself some breakfast waffles when they'd got stuck. Being the numb-nut he was, he'd thought it sensible to use a plastic knife to try and pry them out. Consequently, our toaster was now covered in a white, gloopy plastic liquid. He had truly murdered it; even beyond my rescue. I'd have to drop by the supermarket on my way home.

Thoughts of going back to my apartment had reminded me I still had to tell Cooper about my early finish. He'd been surprised at first that I'd accepted the offer and asked why. I'd quickly invented a theory assignment I still had left to do, saying I wanted to get it done early so I didn't have to worry about going out tonight. He'd bought my lie just as I'd known he would.

I went back onto the floor for my last hours worth of work soon after. Although knowing I was soon to leave did a lot for my mood, causing me to treat some rather awkward thirty-year-old couple with a large amount of respect that they did not deserve, it didn't do a damn lot for my usually average poise. At one point, I doused a perfectly innocent elderly lady in a tub of coleslaw. It would probably be an understatement to say she'd not been happy about the whole experience, but I apologised about a hundred times, promising to pay for her to have her clothes dry cleaned. I couldn't afford it, but I needed to stay in Hailey's good book to go home any time soon.

Finally, three o'clock arrived. It felt like the last forty-five minutes had been the whole day and I was incredibly content to be getting away from work. I caught Hailey before I went for my belongings, just to check I was still ok to leave; I was. I collected my purse and car keys and made my way out to the car park. Mine and Cooper's shared Chevrolet Matiz was parked with the front facing me, at the back of the car park. I always reversed into a parking space; it made my life so much easier to get it back out again after a nine hour shift of pure hell, when reversing could cause me to hit someone else's vehicle in my haste to get home. It made sense to me; however, Cooper just thought it was weird, followed by every other person to which I'd revealed my parking secret to.

I made a stop at our local Wal-Mart to pick up a cheap toaster, choosing one at just under fifteen dollars, and a few more essentials before continuing on my way. It took me about five minutes to get home by car.

Locking the car – after reversing into the parking space, I'll have you know – I carried my purchases up the stairs to the second floor; the lift had been broken for the last year or so and was just gathering dust. I approached the door with reserved apprehension. Would he really be sat in my apartment, waiting for me to come home from work? Even if he intended on coming back at all, would he have gone out first, meaning to arrive for when I got home later that evening? I had no key; I'd lost our second set a couple of months ago, so if he wasn't in, I'd be stuck sitting on my doorstep until he came to let me in. I could always wait in the car, if the worst came to it, at least I'd have the radio to listen to.

First, I tried the door handle, balancing my two shopping bags in one hand, and found it to be locked. If he was inside, he was looking after my security, if he wasn't here, I was definitely locked out. Not a good initial sign. I sighed, taking internal amusement that I was about to knock on my own flat door. I raised my hand, a frown upon my face, and knocked loudly a few times.

It took a few seconds before I realised, straining my movements to hear, I could feel thumping from within my apartment. A handful of moments later, there was a sort of scratching against the door. It opened wide and Alex stood, tall and casual, in my kitchen.

He smirked, stepping back to allow me in. "You're home early."


	6. Questions & Answers

**A/n: Hello! Short week it's been, huh?  
Lol, yeah, I think I'm feeling good about this chapter, not one hundred per cent though. Let me know if there's anything that doesn't fit quite right or something that needs to be added, because it'd be great to hear other authors' opinions.  
I had something else to say… One second while I remember… Oh yeah! Jack! Please don't people interactively hit me for what I've done to her in this chapter, cos they were all in the good natured intentions of this story!  
Anyways, let's get this show on the road, as they say, leave me a review, maybe? (:**

_Questions and Answers_

My kitchen, for a change, looked tidy; although, I wasn't happy with the lingering smell of burnt plastic. It wasn't that I wanted to live in a pig sty; I just didn't have the time to be cleaning my apartment every night. It wasn't that much of a mess, it simply wasn't perfect. I dropped my bags onto the kitchen counter, speaking to Alex without looking at hm. "Did you neaten it all up in here?" I asked. It didn't bother me if he had; it was one less job for me, I was just curious about any of his many traits.

"No," I heard him answer. "It was like this when I got here. I've just been watching your TV. I used your phone too, I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head, finally unloading a loaf of bread and the toaster I'd bought. I opened the box and took out the manual to have a look if there were any complicated functions on it. Luckily, there weren't, it was just a bog standard bread toaster. I hoped Cooper didn't break this one, too. "You're fine, as long as you're not ringing Chelsea or something like that. I don't think my pay cheque can stretch to international rates." Undoing all the ties around the electric cables, I took out the plug for the broken toaster and replaced it. I looked around at my now pretty acceptable apartment. "Cooper must have tidied up before he came out to work this morning. He does have his moments, I suppose."

Alex slid onto one of the dining chairs whilst I leant back against the counter. "How long have you been together?" His eyes were all inquisitive again as he stared steadily at me.

I twisted, putting the loaf into the bread bin and turning the kettle on. "About sixteen months, something like that." I replied, opening a cupboard. "You want a drink?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine."

I nodded, waiting for the water to be ready and making myself a cup of tea. Even after eight years away from Britain, I could not live without tea. The bags were so much more expensive over here, but I'd actually be dead fifty per cent of the time without them. As always, Cooper hated the stuff, saying it tasted like dirty water. He was a coffee drinker, though, so he didn't really have much of an argument. "How about you, anyway?" Turning, I managed to whack my head against the cupboard door; I'd forgotten to close it. I made sure to shut it this time, bringing my hand up to my forehead and smiling. "Wow, that hurt… Have you got yourself a girlfriend back home?" How embarrassing…

Frowning, he shook his head. "No, it wouldn't be practical." He sighed; I assumed he must feel dejected.

"How come? Surely your people would understand that you had someone to look after?"

"It's not that." He avoided my gaze. "With what I am… It's just not right. Anyone I get involved with could just get hurt. It's not fair for me to befriend them knowing what I know. Being affiliated with me can only be dangerous." I gawped at him, my mouth hanging open. He was screwed up. I'd bet his head wasn't a great place to be right now. He continued. "But, yeah, there is that too. If I found a woman to share my life with, she'd soon find that I can't be reliable because I never know where I'm going to be and when I'm going away next. I couldn't please anyone, I'm too busy."

"You sound…" He took my eyes again, his confession coming to an end. "Miserable." I observed, wanting desperately to comfort him. Unfortunately, I knew any attempt would be in vain.

He shrugged. "Not really. I just sometimes wish things were different. If I'd never been trained for this life, maybe I'd be married by now. I'll never know for sure, I'm just curious every now and then."

My voice was solemn. "Do you get lonely?"

He nodded. "A lot."

"I'm sorry." I took a mouthful of my drink, cupping my hands around the hot mug and absorbing the warmth. The tea tasted strangely bitter and was half tempted to pour it down the sink and start again. He continued before I could react.

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but, I'm not sure, I feel partly responsible." I waved a hand, hoping he would let it go. "Have you had many girlfriends since I came here?"

"A few. I went out with a girl from Brookland when I was about sixteen. I asked her to keep 'us' quiet so we lasted a few months. She's another reason I'm not desperate for a partner. I really thought we had something special, but she left me because I couldn't satisfy her. It hurt and I don't see much point in falling for people now, they only break your heart."

"Alex, you're twenty-one years old. People change and grow up. You were so young, you can't put your unwillingness to fall in love down to a girlfriend you had five years ago." I tried to be gentle but firm. I understood exactly how he was feeling; I'd had my only other boyfriend at eighteen and it hadn't gone well. We'd only lasted half a year when he'd told me he was leaving me for someone else. It was safe to say I'd been devastated.

He nodded. "People have told me that…"

I made the decision to move on from the subject of his love life. He didn't seem to be happy speaking about it, so I brought up my earlier thought. "What happened to Jack?"

"She had to move." He said, simply, again looking down at my carpeted floor.

This was almost unbearable. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say, I just didn't want to upset him with my questions. A small silence engulfed both of us. I finished my drink, cringing. I put my mug into the sink and filled it with water. It would make the washing up easier later on.

"Are you gonna tell me why, or can't you say?" I said, finally feeling slightly braver. I watched him from across the kitchen. He seemed almost scared.

Alex sighed. "She's somewhere in Scotland now. I'm guessing if I said Scorpia to you, you'd give me a blank look?" I nodded, eager for him to carry on. "Basically, MI6 sent me to infiltrate them at one point shortly after you left. They're, like," He thought for a second, using his hands to think. "An assassination agency, I guess, only they're a hell of lot more than that. Anyway, when they found out what I'd done, they started to target me." I shuffled over from the counter and sat opposite him; he turned and looked at me. "To cut a long story short, they took a shot at me and I ended up in hospital. At first, they believed MI6's ploy that I was dead, but it didn't last long and I had to move away from London. Jack came with me and we ended up in Shropshire. I did my GCSE's and I was seventeen when Alan Blunt informed us that they'd intercepted a Scorpia transmission and that I was in danger.

"As always, Blunt's solution was to send me on another assignment. I was bashed, bruised and aimed at for a week, but I eventually succeeded and came home. Blunt then told me that whilst they'd been making plans for my identity cover up, Scorpia had taken Jack."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. "They – they, what, abducted her?" I spluttered.

He nodded, leaning back in the chair. "I was furious. Alan Blunt was as thorough as possible when it came to me going on his stupid 'save-the-world' missions, but when it came down to the safety of my legal guardian, he was lax. Scorpia made contact and I went undercover _again_ to get Jack back. Luckily, most of the staff I'd dealt with within their company had either died in the field since then or being killed for their careless mistake of letting me in, in the first place. It took me a few long and incredibly painful days to free her and flee the complex. It would be safe to say she was pretty shaken up."

"Was she ok?" I felt enthralled by his story; although I knew it was more than that. This had actually happened, and poor Jack had been stuck right in the middle, and, God, did I know how she felt.

"Yeah, we went straight to the bank and I went insane. Mrs Jones offered us another move out of sympathy, she'd always had a soft spot for me since I found out she'd had children. We, as in Jack and I, talked about it and we came to a decision, which we took back to the agency. Jack was all for moving again, and it made me feel so guilty. It'd been my fault that she'd been in so much trouble and if she weren't associated with me to start with, she'd never have had to endure such a terrible time. I put it past her that she leave on her own, that way she'd be safe in the knowledge that the chance of her being targeted would be significantly reduced. She wasn't happy; she didn't want to leave me and claimed that what had happened meant nothing, whereas I meant more to her than life itself." He sighed, "I'd never realised that our relationship had become so intense. It took more courage to convince her that day than anything other conquest I've followed. I loved her like a mother and I had to push her away."

I reached my hand across the table to take his between my fingers. The gesture, whilst feeling so natural, made me unsure. I wasn't implying any intensions behind the motion; it was purely to comfort him. "Alex, I don't blame you for what happened with Damian Cray, I never have. I'm sure Jack will share that sentiment."

"She doesn't know what she's saying," he murmured, squeezing against my skin. "It's… I mean… Everything is my fault." I shook my head, but he stared down at our hands, not seeing my disapproval. "They… they _tortured_ her. She never told me herself, but she had to give a statement to Mrs Jones, and I found out by accident. They wanted me so much that they would torment practically my only friend… and I let it happen. She doesn't need to blame me in so many words for me to take responsibility. It was my fault, plain and simple, and I can not let that happen again."

I tried to think of a valid response to his admission. Alex had so many feelings coursing through his brain, so many strong emotions and regrets floating across that I didn't know how he'd survived this long. When it came to stress, I was a pretty intolerant person. If I had something on my mind, I talked about it almost instantly. It was impossible for me to continue whilst my head was messed up. Alex, however, seemed to be unbothered by the bomb site that was his mind. How could he have all this remorse and blame on himself but not share it with anyone? I understood that he didn't have anyone who he could trust enough to confide in, but it, surely, couldn't be healthy for him to spiral so swiftly into depression at such a young age? "Alex…" I began, trying to catch his eyes. Eventually, I succeeded. "I have so much respect for you right now, and what you've been through is absolutely terrible. But you can't go through your life feeling like this. It is not your fault that you're forced to work for the secret service and it is definitely not your responsibility when people get hurt along the way. It's a difficult job, and I think you're doing so well with the amount of heartache it can cause."

He leant fully forward, his head resting on my table. I was glad he was getting all his concerns out in the open; he'd obviously needed this. "I never forgave myself for what happened to you, all those years ago, and at the time I swore it would never happen again. I couldn't even promise myself that. What they did to Jack… it's beyond words. I've had half the people at MI6 looking out to make sure I didn't get killed, and Scopia still managed to get to Jack… it's sick." His left cheek was lying on the table, facing away from me as he spoke. His hand was still outstretched and holding mine tightly.

"When was the last time you spoke to her?" I asked, watching him for tell tale reactions.

"About a year and a half ago… on the phone." Came his reply. "I was told not to call or meet her because any contact could spark off a rumour. But, I'd needed her then, it'd been such a long time on my own and I needed to speak to her. She'd told me that of her most recent partner and how they were planning on moving in together. She had a new job and was enjoying the new place. She also heard all my double meanings and kept telling me that everything would be ok and that we'd see each other soon. That only made me feel worse; I know we'll probably never meet again." He raised his head, staring deeply into my eyes. I could see the un-cried tears welling up above his cheeks and wanted to hold him. It was unjustifiable that he feel this way. "I miss her so much…"

I could feel my own eyes filling up as I took in his pleading face. "Alex, I'm so sorry." I saw his head shake, and continued. "I know that nothing I can say will make up for the loss in your life, and I'm not saying that I can empathise. I can't. What I am sorry for is that all this stuff has happened to you. You don't deserve this in the slightest. You're one of the bravest people I know to keep all this inside. I hope that one day you'll see Jack again."

He sighed, placing his chin on top of our hands. "I left MI6 after that." My mouth gaped, this was definitely new.

"You _quit_?"

He nodded. "Sure. After they relocated Jack, rather against her will, I told Alan Blunt that I wished to leave the service. He wasn't happy but there wasn't a lot he could do about it. All along he'd threatened Jack's visa, the blackmail was that if I didn't help them she'd be deported. He knew he couldn't use me like that anymore; if Jack was deported, so be it. I let on that because she wasn't a part of my life anymore; it didn't vex me where ever she happened to live. Mrs Jones was more supportive, helping me fill out the relevant paper work and even finding me somewhere to live. I was seventeen so I wasn't quite legal to live on my own full time so she moved me into a small care home for the last six months before my eightieth birthday. As soon as I was allowed, I relocated to Portsmouth. I tried to get work, but I only had GCSE's, and without A Levels, finding a job was difficult. I got by for a couple of years, and a few months before my twenty-first birthday, I emigrated over here and I've been working for the CIA ever since."

"The CIA? Are you serious? They're even worse than the British secret service!" His eyes were still below level with mine, gazing up at me with characteristic stillness. He could probably calm down a jumper on the top of a fifty foot building with those eyes.

"They took me in willingly…"

"What did you expect? Of course they're gonna take you in so easily!" I interrupted, quieting with one look from him.

"They've been good to me so far, not that I'm fooled. I know that there'll come a time when I have to leave them, too, but I need to get my feet on the ground before I can go anywhere. Once I'm settled over here, I intend to try and lead a normal life." He smiled at me, signalling that he'd finished his story.

"Normal?" I scoffed. "Who wants to be normal?"

"You have _no_ idea…" He stared down, suddenly noticing our hand for what seemed like the first time. His body raised and he let go of my fingers. I took the hint.

"What are you doing in Scottsdale? And, more importantly, what were you doing in my diner?" I checked the time; it was already gone half past five. I'd have to prepare some dinner soon. I usually cooked for when Cooper came home at half past seven.

Alex studied me for a second before speaking, his eyes narrowed. "Am I right in remembering that you said you're doing a degree?"

The question caught me off guard and for a moment I wasn't sure how to reply. "Yeah, I did say that. I'm doing art with a major in fashion."

This seemed to please him, like he'd expected it. "Where do you go?"

"Scottsdale State University, why?" I was confused as to why this was relevant.

He shook his head. "In which case, I can't tell you."

Again, he'd made me the most shocked I'd been in a long time. "_No_!" I stressed, leaning forwards. "_Oh my God_!"

He was watching me presently, waiting for me to say something more. I was so surprised that this has something to do with my place of education that I couldn't think of an adequate response. "It's nothing for you to worry about; I've just got to check up on a few things, that's all." He said to steady me. "All you need to know is that I'll be posing as a student for the next few weeks until I find out what I need to know and then I'll be leaving again."

"No way!" I still could hardly believe it. "Are you sure you've got the right uni? There are a handful of them in the area – Arizona State, University of Phoenix, Rainstar – it could be any of them!"

"No, it's definitely Scottsdale." He clarified, still scrutinizing my reaction.

I shook my head. "Jesus…" I leant back into the chair, my arms hanging by my sides.

We sat in silence for a while. It was awful; I had to break it.

I got up from my seat and turned the kettle on again. "You sure you don't want a drink?" I was trying to change the subject even though I was so anxious to know more about his mission. The kettle had boiled before he answered.

I turned to the sound of his voice. He was trying to coo me yet again, his tone so soothing and low. "No, thank you. Are you ok? I've not frightened you, have I?"

"No, not at all…" I sat, gladly, down with my drink; my feet were killing me today and I'd not even done my full hours. "Well, maybe a little bit." I smiled, yawning. It only hit me now at how tired I was. "Have the CIA put you up anywhere?"

"Not yet." He said, twiddling his thumbs. I knew full well he wasn't being rude; he was avoiding looking at me.

I nodded, thinking through my offer before I spoke it. "You can tell them not to bother; you're more than welcome to stay here. We have a spare room." I was sure Cooper wouldn't be too happy by the arrangement, what with his concern earlier, but I felt oddly sorry for Alex. My heart told me that extending my reception would be the best thing to do but my mind was more realistic. I wanted to keep him around so I could probe him for the information about my university.

"No!" He said, raising his eyes to me. "You don't have to do that!"

"I know I don't, but I want to." I beamed at him, holding his difficult stare. "It'll be the easiest answer for you. You can give the university your place of residence and it's literally a five minute drive away. If neither me or Cooper don't happen to be driving down there on the morning, you can easily walk it."

At the mention of Cooper's name, his gaze widened briefly. "I'm not sure, Sabina, what would your boyfriend think? He didn't seem comfortable with me talking to you before, how do you think he'd react to me moving in?"

"You don't need to worry about Cooper, I'll sort him out. This place is shared and he has his friends over quite a lot, he can't argue with me on this one." I was determined that he would stay.

"I don't want to cause a fight for the two of you."

"Please, Alex." My face was serious as I asked. "You did so much for me and I never got the chance to make it up to you. In fact, I made it worse by emigrating. I want to help so that I can finally feel at peace."

We shared an intimate look for a few moments before he began to nod slowly. I did not want to break our eye contact; I felt totally ease. I smiled. "Thank you."


	7. The Way of the World

**A/n: I slept in for college this morning and had nothing to do so I thought I'd finish this chapter: fun times (:  
A few things:  
1. I wondered about bumping up the rating for the first part of this chapter – it's not incredibly erotic, but I worried that it might be a bit too far. I'm not going to change my rating because I've sent the first part to a couple of friends who have assured me that they would expect this level of intimacy in a Teen rated fic. If anything in here offends of effects you yada yada, feel free to contact me and I'll change it.  
2. The scene at the end if very 'Niki-and-DL-series-one-of-Heroes', if you've seen it you'll know what I mean. I really love that scene so I hope I did it some justice.  
3. The crossing guard thing is a dig at myself because, alas, I failed my first driving test by nearly running over a lollypop lady. I hope that makes you giggle (: Enjoy!**

_The Way of the World_

_Cooper arrived home from college an hour early. I was still in the same place I'd been when he'd left this morning, stretched out across of sofa with the TV on low volume. I hadn't been feeling too well the last few days but today was my recovery day. I was a lot better and would probably have to start going back to my classes tomorrow. I wondered idly how much work I'd have to catch up on. I'd been so incredibly warm under the duvet from about eight o'clock this morning that I'd just decided not to get out. I'd had a shower earlier, maybe noon, and put some dirty clothes of Cooper's through the washing machine, but on the whole, I'd not really achieved anything. I wouldn't sleep tonight, of that much I was certain. _

_"You feeling much better?" He asked, locking the door behind him and unloading some shopping. _

_I nodded, but he was a few metres away so he wouldn't see. "Yes, I think I'll be back on my feet tomorrow, if I get enough shut eye."_

_I watched his slim figure move round the sofa and felt his cool hand lay across my forehead. "Your temperature's gone down." He stated, handing me my glass of water off the coffee table after watching me reach for it and fail. "You lazy ass." He smiled, bending to kiss my hairline and striding away. _

_I laughed. "Yes, I am." I continued to stare at the TV screen absentmindedly as he scuttled around the in the kitchen. He eventually sat down to join me; I squashed my legs up to allow him a seat. He put his feet up on the table. "How was your day?" I turned over under the covers, smiling up at him. _

_"Slow…" He replied, "Really slow. We had to start doing all this theory for the exam at the end of the year. Most of it is common sense though, so I should be fine. I mean, what idiot doesn't know that you have to stop for a crossing guard? They're a pain in the backside, but it's illegal to run them over."_

_"You have to learn the theories behind driving?" I asked, incredulous. _

_He nodded. "Well, Sabina, I am doing a driving instructor's course, the theories are pretty important." He added, sarcastically. _

_I scrunched up my nose. "Alright, alright. No need to take the mick." I sat up and twisted so that my head lay in his lap, facing the TV. "I'm ill, remember? You're supposed to be nice to me."_

_He stroked my hair indolently and sighed. It wasn't a sigh at me, that I could tell, but I was still curious. _

_"What's wrong?" I touched a hand to the side of his face and his eyes closed. His lashes looked so long from below, like thick spider webs. _

_"Nothing, babe, I guess I'm just tired. When you can't sleep, I can't sleep; you don't sit still. It's been a long and draining day." His fingers dug deeper through my hair, pulling slightly. _

_"Have you spoken to your parents?" At the mention of his home life, his eyes flicked open and he gazed down at me. "It's not that I want rid of you, you know it's not that. You've been a great help while I've been ill these past few days, I just don't want you to lose touch with them. You're welcome to stay here as long as you want to, but maybe you should be the first one to bite."_

_His hand faltered on my scalp and he thought for a moment. "I'm probably going to ring them soon. It has been a good two weeks now; maybe I can talk them round."_

_I smiled. "You don't have to move back, I'm not kicking you out too. You seem to have settled here already, I just think you should let them know what's going on, that's all." I tried to communicate with his using my eyes, hoping he understood. "You should go pick all your stuff up."_

_"Sab…" He bent his face lower to mine. "Are you suggesting that I move in here?"_

_I pondered over his question for a second and nodded. "I guess I am."_

_"I'm helping you pay the rent; you won't get away with that one." He tilted his head sideward, giving me a stare. _

_I craned my neck, jutting out my chin so my lips were close to his. "I'm guessing that's a yes?" He was so close that I could inhale and he'd be pulled into my kiss. _

_He laughed, "Maybe." He leant the gap between us and I felt his body on mine as he wrapped me in his strong arms. _

_"I'm diseased, you shouldn't be doing this." I mumbled when given a breather. I sprained my body, turning onto my knees and straddling him where he sat. The duvet fell to the couch, unwanted. _

_"You started it." He accused, his soft breath filling my mouth with his scent. "But I think I'll take my chances."_

_My laugh was only a titter before he kissed me again, this time parting his lips and caressing my teeth with his tongue. I pressed my body up against his and deepened the tenderness, clasping my hands onto his back. I felt his hair; it was silky and inviting. It took me an instant before I realised my arms were acting out of instinct. I ran my fingers down his shirt and under the hem to touch his skin. He was warm and soothing, his hands patting down my cheeks and pushing my hairs behind my ears. He held the back of my head securely; if I'd wanted to pull away I wouldn't have been able to. One of his hands ventured lower, stroking the small of my back and threatening to explore further. I could almost touch the lust emanating from the both of us, cut it with a blunt knife. I'd made sure to draw clear lines in our physical relationship in the early stages of our affair, and he'd always made a show of totally respecting that fact. Right now, however, I really couldn't care less. I knew he was just waiting for me and I thought maybe now was the time. _

_I pulled back for a second, taking the bottom of his t-shirt in my fingers and raising it up over his head. I threw it on the ground. My fingers massaging his neck, I put my mouth his ear. His lips caressed my cheek and nibbled on my earlobe. "Do you think we should move this through onto that comfy bed we now share?" I tried to make my voice sound as seductive as I could, but I wasn't sure how it came out._

_He froze for only a second, before his mouth continued down the veins in my neck. "Are you sure?" He asked. "You've made it clear that you want to wait, I'm not pushing you if you're not ready…"_

_"No. I'm certain." I clarified, pulling his face back to mine and looking into his eyes. _

_I didn't have to ask him twice. I felt his body shift and, holding his hands at my backside, he stood. I wrapped my legs around his waist, launching my mouth straight back over his, my fingers sliding over his gorgeous chest and around his back. He walked us through into the bedroom, supporting me and putting me delicately down onto the bed. I laid back, pulling him over with me._

_He laughed and I bent my neck back to watch his cheeks flourish in happiness. _

_The strangest thing happened. His blue eyes, halved from his wide grin, morphed, swiftly changing into two deep pools of chocolate brown. His shaggy hair shrank, pulling close to his head. The bones of his face raised, becoming more prominent and structured. It only took a short moment for me to register what I was looking at. Alex's emotive pupils stared out at me, holding my gaze as my mouth gaped and I fidgeted underneath him. _

_I was still squirming when his expression changed to that of confusion. "Sabina, what's wrong?" His voice resonated through my mind as I collapsed into the bottomless mattress…_

I awoke, sat up straight in my bed, with a splitting headache. That memory was one the most important to me, the night of mine and Cooper's first time, and my brain had ruined it for me. It scared me to think about how vivid those images had been inside my head, I could've mistake them for real life and probably be none the wiser. I wasn't denying that it was painful to think about Alex in that way; that would be stupid, that particular flashback was just so close to my heart that I wouldn't change it for the world. Not even for Alex. I tried to remember how I'd ended up asleep, glancing at the bedside clock. It read just after half seven pm. All I could recall was me and Alex watching TV together and then I'd woken up here. I knew I'd been tired earlier, but it was unusual for me to nap during the day.

I threw my legs over the side of bed and got out, hauling off my work jeans and pulling on some more comfortable tracksuit pants. I vaguely recollect being woken by a loud bang; something falling from a high shelf, or maybe a door slamming? I dragged my feet from the room and forced them towards the living room. I'd have to apologise to Alex for falling asleep on him. He'd probably be hungry too; I'd have to start dinner for Cooper…

Oh crap, Cooper! I'd have bet my life that he'd been the one closing the door loudly and waking me up. He wouldn't be happy to walk into his apartment, home from work, and find another man sat on his sofa while his girlfriend slept in the adjoining room. I'd have some serious explaining to do.

As soon as I pushed the door open, I could hear a voice floating towards me. "Hey, dude, what're you doing here?" Cooper's asked. Alex didn't reply straight away, so Cooper carried on. "Where's Sabina?"

I raised my own voice so it could be heard by the door. "I'm here."

I made round the corner of the corridor and Cooper's eyes were instantly on me, scrutinizing my attire of old work t-shirt and sweats. I knew what he'd be thinking but surely he didn't think I was that stupid as to let him walk in on the whole thing. "Awww, babe, you look tired, you ok?" He wandered towards me, an uncharacteristic pass of anger haunting his usually humorous features.

I stared up at him for a moment, wondering if he'd pick a fight with Alex present. I decided not to give him the chance. I turned my head to Alex. "Alex, you mind if me and Cooper just have a chat? We'll take it through into our room; you won't have to be involved. You'll be ok for ten minutes, right?"

He nodded, sceptical, I'm sure, of the him not being involved comment. Certainly, he'd be the subject of the conversation.

"Thanks," I smiled. "If you need any food, feel free to raid the cupboards."

* * *

"What the hell is this?" Cooper yelled, shutting the bedroom door as we entered.

"It's nothing!" I said, my volume slightly lower than his, hoping he'd follow by my example. I didn't want Alex feelings any more uncomfortable than I'm sure he already did. "I told you what this was earlier today and it hasn't changed."

"Sabina – he's in our apartment! I thought you were going to meet him in town for a drink or something, not bring him back to eat dinner with us like some obscure threesome!" Cooper's back was bent whilst I stood tall. We were both around the same height as we argued. No one held the extra leverage.

"You have your friends round here every other night, but I'm not allowed to invite mine over, is that what you're saying?" I challenged.

"No!" His cheeks had flushed red, like he wasn't breathing enough. He tended to forget about insignificant things like oxygen when he got worked up. "That sure as hell is not what I'm getting at! If you can't see why this is weird then there's something wrong with you!"

"Don't you dare insult my intelligence!" I countered, my face right up in his. He knew exactly which buttons to press with me; I was easily wound up. "We're talking about Alex, my friend _Alex_ here, not my state of mind."

He shook his head, narrowing his eyes and glaring at me. "Don't be a smart ass. I told you how I felt about this earlier and you assured me you understood. I damn well believed you!"

"I didn't lie to you, Cooper! There will never be anything going on between me and Alex, and I've said that to you already." I snarled in his direction. This was getting out of hand. I sighed, trying to portray to him that I was willing to calm down if he would. He seemed to get it, his chest flaring down, taking a deep breath.

"I feel intimidated by him – the two of you… you've got a past, Sabina, God knows what his intentions are!"

"_I_ know what his intentions are because we've talked about it."

"So _that's_ why you ran off from work earlier – not to do some dumb assignment?" His face was showing signs of his short lost anger. I could hardly lie about telling a lie, I could barely keep a straight face to lie the first time. It would be wrong of me to hide it all now. I stared at him steadily, neither affirming nor denying. "You really are something else, Sabina."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What the hell are you wearing? Getting ready in a hurry, were we?" He sniped, condescendingly.

My mouth hung open, shocked. "You did _not_ just accuse me of that." I took a second to bring myself to peace. It helped a lot. "Actually," I began, trying my best to keep my voice level. "I fell asleep at the TV when me and Alex were watching and having a catch up, so I came through here for an afternoon sleep. It's not a crime. If you point your finger at me for cheating again, I won't be happy."

He was silent, gazing at me with incredulous disbelief. I hoped he thought through his next few sentences before speaking; I didn't want to lose him but I was afraid of what I'd do if he said anything else provoking. "So what's going on?"

I sighed. "Alex is going to be attending my university for the next few weeks and he had no where to stay, so I've offered him our spare room and he's accepted." I tried to explain as well as I could, but I didn't know enough myself to form an acceptable explanation.

"Why's he going to Scottsdale?" I might have been mistaken, but I thought I could hear genuine curiosity hidden somewhere beneath all that malice in his tone.

_That's a good question. _"I'm not sure; he's being pretty quiet about it." I wanted to extend my arm to him, touch his skin to convey my honesty, but I had a feeling it would only make things worse. "He's been this way since before I knew him; I'm still not one hundred percent sure what he does for a living and what it's got to do with my university. There are so many things I wish I could tell you, baby, but I can't right now."

"Are you kidding me?"

I shook my head. "I will talk to you about this stuff, and soon. I just can't now, trust me on that."

He glanced down at me, his mouth closing as he decided to accept my words. "Fine." He gave me a sideways look.

I thought again about reaching out to him. "What happens now?"

He sighed; his whole body quivering from the effort it took for him to control his now flaring temper. "I don't know, Sabina… All I know is I'm staying in here for the rest of the night and I'm going to watch TV. You can go and entertain your guest but don't come back in here tonight." He turned, striding towards the airing cupboard. His anger opened the door roughly and he pulled out a thick blanket. We slept under it in the winter. Cooper stalked back to me, pushing the rug into my chest. I took hold of it. "I'll speak to you tomorrow."

I gawped up at him, wondering what was going through his head. I could feel the soft blanket between my fingers and wanted to cry at its significance. "If that's what you want." I replied, still trying to hold his eyes, hoping I'd be able to understand his thoughts. We'd never fought this bad in our whole relationship, neither of us had ever had to nap on the couch. I couldn't believe it was really coming to this.

He nodded, at which I turned and exited the room, shutting the door behind me.

* * *

Alex noticed my tears as I wandered through, plopping my sorry backside down onto the sofa. "How bad are you in?" He asked, scooting up to sit next to me. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder from the side and his chin settle onto my bowed head. He was a good support.

"I'm on the couch tonight…" I said, that one statement describing the whole argument that had just taken place. I turned my head, burying it into his shoulder and I cried. Long, loud sobs escaped my teeth and the tears streamed down my cheeks, drying onto Alex's top. After what felt like a lifetime, I calmed and managed to speak. "I'm sorry…" I was surprised that Cooper and I had managed to have such a vicious fight; I usually cooled myself around him so that we'd never have to. Through there, it'd been like someone else's emotions flowing through my veins and causing me to argue back. It was my own fault; I'd put myself in this situation.

"No, its ok, you don't need to apologise." He cooed, rubbing my arm gently. It was soothing. "What happened?"

I shook my head. "I can't really remember, it was all so fast. He accused me of playing away and… and said that he feels intimidated by you." I stammered, staring at nothing. "I can see why he's angry, but I didn't think he'd react quite like that."

"Sabina, I don't want to be a burden." Alex's voice coursed through my mind and I didn't need to think twice to know what was coming next. "I'm obviously causing you some problems; let me go and you can save your night."

"Alex, no." I pulled away from his grip to look at him. "Don't leave, I offered you my spare room and that's still open." I wiped furiously at my eyes, disappointed at myself for crying in front of Alex. "I just need to relax and I'll be fine. Please stay, we've got so much to catch up on and I don't want you to disappear again."

He smiled, but I knew he still wasn't too happy with the arrangement. I wondered why he was trying to get away from me all the time. "Thank you." I said again, seemingly grateful to him a lot at the moment.

* * *

I glanced at the clock above the cooker and it read nearly midnight. I was absolutely exhausted, having sat and watched television and cooked for about three hours. Alex had chatted to me like normal for that time, following me round as I did my evening jobs: washing, a little bit of university work and bill paying. I asked him every now and then a question about his mission at my university and he might tell me, if he thought that the information was useless. So far I'd found out that he was posing as a chemistry and physics students doing a mixed degree, he'd be around for a couple of weeks, he was in for three days a week but would be going in most days for the sake of his assignment, hanging out in the library. It also seemed he knew little of the bomb.

There was a rumour travelling quickly around the campus that the head of science and some of his top researchers had been working flat out recently after discovering a new type of explosive. This bomb was ten times as powerful as the two nuclear ones dropped on Japan during the Second World War and apparently a third of the size. There'd not been any hard evidence found by anyone around the university so no one really knew if it was true; the science department were keeping tight lipped about it. I didn't believe it. I'm sure that if Alex had heard the rumours, he'd have asked, but he didn't so it made me think he was oblivious.

We'd been sat on the sofa for about half an hour when I made it clear I wanted to sleep soon. This catch up had been amazing and I really didn't want to end it now, but Cooper and I were taking a trip into town for some essentials and couple time tomorrow, depending on his decision in the morning, so I needed to get my energy levels as high as I could.

Alex offered me the spare bed, saying he'd had plenty of experience of napping on couches in the past, but I turned him down. He was the guest and the deal had been he have the spare room, my fight changed nothing.

Alex made his way through into the spare room and I turned the lights off, leaving a lamp on in the bathroom so he'd know where to go. I cleaned myself up and relaxed into the sofa, wrapping the thick blanket around my shoulders and hoping warmth would soon overcome me. The fridge was making a low humming noise and the clock was ticking, more loudly in my head than usual. The sounds of the night were more prominent through here, cars driving past on the highway, train's horns in the distance. I tried my best to ignore them and make the most of the opportunity to sleep. It didn't really work.

After what seemed like an endless amount of hours, but what must have been only between a quarter and half an hour, I heard a door open at the back of the apartment and wondered whether Alex had forgotten something. I kept my head low and waited to be called.

The figure stamped towards me with loud strides. It couldn't have been Alex; he'd have made attempt not to wake me. I raised my eyes, seeing a shadow form in the light from the bathroom. The figure was close to me and my first instinct was to be scared.

"Sabina." Cooper's voice surfaced from the darkness and I recognised his outline, bare from the waist up. In the half light, he looked repentant. He took a few small steps towards me, reaching out a hand. "Come back to bed, it feels wrong without you." His tone was sincere and I believed him.

I grasped his fingers and followed him through the apartment, collapsing down onto the mattress. Just like in my dream, I felt spent as I chilled into the covers, but totally different was Cooper's arm reaching across my body and holding me close. This was where I wanted to be. I laid on my side, holding his hand at my stomach as we spooned. His breath filtered through my hair and the night carried on as normal.


	8. Shock

**A/n: Okidokie, so, Irish-Hailsy will recognise part of this due to the fact that she gave me the idea (: I hope you like it ;)  
Sorry it's taken so long, unfortunately, life got in the way of fan fiction again, (anyone out there get their A Level results the other day? Mine sucked big time...) never a good thing. I think this chapter is ok, but parts of it might read quite clumsy, for which I apologise and accept constructive criticism and any help you wanna give me. Thanks for reading x**

_Shock_

I knew I was waking up when the darkness behind my eyelids became lighter. The curtains were still closed, but the bright sun was shining so harshly that they seemed to be unneeded. I opened my eyes involuntarily; the light filling my vision and making me close them again for a second. I rolled over, hoping to bump into a warm body lying next to me, but I just fell onto more mattress. Cooper wasn't there. Now I really did wake up, stretching my top half off the bed and looking around the room. Had I dreamt the whole thing last night? Had Cooper actually walked out and stayed at a friend's so I'd had to come to bed by myself, or had he really brought me in ruefully after I'd started sleeping on the couch?

I got up, the room vacant, and slid on some pyjama bottoms; the sweltering humidity had been too much last night so I'd had to strip down to just a t-shirt to sleep in. I made for the door, reaching for the handle, when I heard voices that froze me dead. There were two, and judging by their volume, they were sat through in the kitchen.

Cooper spoke. "I'm sorry for all that stuff last night, dude." He took a pause. "Like Sabina says, you're good here for as long as you need."

"Thanks. I don't want to be a bother, but Sabina asked in a way I couldn't refuse. She still thinks she owes me something for emigrating over here in the first place."

"What did that have to do with you?" Cooper asked, his voice making the snide remark sound the total opposite. I knew he wouldn't be completely fine about Alex staying here already, but I was grateful to him for making the effort.

"We met when she was fifteen at the Wimbledon tennis tournament. We got strangely close throughout the few months before she moved out here. She took me on holiday with her a couple of times and each time I ruined it by just making trouble." He sighed. "I didn't mean to, but I did. Somehow, I was happy that she'd emigrated, it meant that I couldn't cause her any more hassle." I stood in awe as Alex spoke to Cooper about my moving. I'd have expected him to skip the subject so that he didn't reveal too much about himself, but here he was, telling my boyfriend about me and speaking in riddles. Cooper wouldn't understand a word of it and would probably ask about my past later.

"What are you doing out here now? It's quite a coincidence that you run into each other. Didn't you keep in contact?"

"I rang her house in LA a couple of times over six months, but I always got her mum's promises that she's get her to call me back. In the end, I gave up." I noticed how he avoided the first question. Evidently, it didn't escape Cooper's observations either.

"Sure, I understand." Cooper didn't pursue the subject, no doubt planning to find out what I knew. "What are you doing today? I'm taking Sabina shopping into main town so we could be all day, you got anything you need to do?" I could understand Cooper's obvious reluctance to invite Alex along, however I did think it was a little rude.

"Yeah, I've gotta head in to the university for my final sign up. I can stop in a café for the afternoon if you're going to out for ages."

"I'll speak to Sabina about how long we're going to be, I'm sure she won't mind leaving you the key."

I decided it was my turn to head out. They seemed to be having a civil conversation on their own, but Cooper was relying on me for my permission, so I needed to be there for his support. My hand was still on the door handle. I glanced sideways at myself in the mirror, wondering how my hair was looking after such a scorching night. It was stuck up in all directions and looked rather humorous. My eyes caught sight of the calendar hanging on the wall beside my own reflection.

My heart stopped. Today was the twenty-seventh, and my vision widened as I went back six days to the twenty-first, where, directly to the left of the number, was a big red dot.

"No effing way…" I mumbled.

I'd been so busy this week that I'd not even noticed that I was late. Six whole days late. That couldn't be good. A sudden blast of clamminess filled my cheeks and I felt faint. I began counting on my fingers just to make sure I'd not made a mistake on the calendar. I hadn't.

I was pregnant. Holy Jesus.

I couldn't breathe and ran through the corridor into the bathroom, holding my head over the toilet seat. I realised as I knelt down, feeling the cold strongly from the tile floor, that I was stopping my own oxygen supply and forced my lungs to work. I wasn't sick, thankfully, but I wanted to be.

I had a few moments to myself before Cooper burst through the door, a look of horror crossing his face. I couldn't quite register anything properly, but the subconscious part of mind knew it made sense. I'd been so tired recently but still couldn't manage to sleep because of bad, vivid dreams keeping me awake. It took everything out of me to go to a lecture and sit for two hours on Friday. Something else surfaced against the sides of my brain – tea, only yesterday I'd found the taste of tea, a flavour that I usually lived for, bitter and nasty. I tried to convince myself that if I was indeed pregnant, it was too early in the cycle for me to be getting these symptoms – most women didn't get these sorts of indications until a few weeks in – but logical thoughts of individual differences hit my head from all angles. No two people are the same and my body could be reacting differently to the new hormones flowing through my veins. I'd also heard from my mother, who didn't know she was pregnant for about three weeks, that the signs of pregnancy were similar to that of the period itself. I could be pregnant and that fact scared me.

Cooper flung the door open and took in my shivering form leaning against the wall with his eyes. He reached out his arms to me and I gazed at them without really knowing what to do. That was a problem too: my hormones. I didn't even get this angry or emotional when I was on, there was definitely something, if not pregnancy, wrong with me.

"Sabina? What's wrong?" He asked, noticing my reluctance to let him hold me.

Staring up at him, like this, I couldn't tell him. I knew he would relish in the idea of being a father, so if I gave him the good news then it turned out I was reading the signs wrong and that I was just late, it would crush him. Good news? Was it really good news or a wall getting in the way of my future?

I couldn't blame anyone for this; it would be my fault entirely. I wouldn't tell him yet. "Nothing, I just feel a little awful." I tried to play it down, gesturing to my head with my fingers. "Like headachy and stuff. I think I'll be fine, I just need some breakfast." I gave him my best fake smile. "What time is it?"

He leant his head out through the doorframe to check the clock. I took advantage of his pause, standing up and doing my hardest to act normally. It's funny how trying to portray a normal persona is so difficult when something is wrong… "Just gone eleven." He told me, turning back and grinning widely at me.

I nodded. "I better go get ready then, what time do you want to go?"

"Sabina…" My name held on his tongue for longer than usual, this was his apologetic voice. I probably didn't look as 'myself' as I was trying to. "If you want me to say sorry for yesterday, then I will." He touched his hands to the top of my arms and they felt tender. I wondered whether this was all in my head – the symptoms becoming more noticeable just because I thought I knew why. Maybe. Wasn't that called the placebo effect?

I tried not to wince as he contacted me. I didn't want him to cotton on. "No, of course I don't need you to do that. You proved to me how you felt by bringing me back to bed last night."

He smiled, squeezing my skin gently. Ouch. "We'll go when you're ready so take your time."

"Sure." I replied, making to stride past him.

He kissed my forehead as I got to his side, holding the back of my head securely for a few seconds before I made it clear I wanted to go.

"Sab, baby, are you sure you're ok?" He yelled to me, half twisted on the spot; his lower body still faced the mirror and far wall, whereas he'd curved his chest to look over his shoulder at me.

I'd made it out into the corridor between our room and the bathroom by now and I turned on the carpet. "Yes, I'm fine." I attempted to smile and, closing the door behind me, retired back to our room alone.

* * *

"Where to next?" Cooper prodded a finger into the back of my hand as we walked between shops. He was usually more 'full-on' in public; he'd have his arm around my waist or shoulders, but he'd noted my mood earlier and had taken only my hand. I was grateful; I felt terrible for hiding this big secret from him and I didn't know what I'd say if he'd acted totally normally around me. I didn't reply, only staring forward.

Alex had said he was going into the university to sign his final form of acceptance of the course. I wasn't sure if I believed him. He'd not given me any reason to distrust him when we'd spoken today. He'd seemed his typical self, either telling me the truth or lying incredibly well. He'd told me that he'd probably be a few hours because he'd be having a tour of the campus and departments before he came home, but assured me he would return. That had made me smile. I was glad he would be coming back; my strange hormone patterns might not like him to disappear. No doubt I'd end up crying, blubbering that no one loved me. That would be embarrassing.

We'd promised Alex we'd be back before four so that we could work out what was going to happen for dinner. I'd given him our key anyway; he'd been leaving after us and we couldn't exactly lock him in, but he'd said he would hide it somewhere so that neither of us would be stuck on the doorstep. He seemed to notice the change in my mood from yesterday, and, when Cooper had skulked away to brush his teeth, he'd also enquired as to whether I was ok. I hated lying to him as well, almost as much as I despised myself for keeping Cooper in the dark, but I'd told him I was fine, maybe a little tired. This was _not_ good karma.

"Babe?" Cooper shook my hand, making my arm follow. I was dragged from my reverie to stare at his face. He looked genuinely worried for my sanity. "There anywhere else you want to go?"

We'd been around town for about an hour now and I'd bought very little. We needed some washing powder, so I'd treated myself to a large pack. I'd also bought us a new pair of kitchen tongs. Cooper had been a lot more adventurous in his purchases, spending nearly sixty dollars on a watch for his instructors' exam in a months time and about thirty-five dollars on a suit jacket – to be fair, he'd needed one. I'd asked him to stop there for now otherwise we'd be on the streets for the next rent payment.

"I'm not sure. I fancy something to eat, actually." I replied, looking into his eyes to show him that I was paying attention.

He nodded, guiding me towards a small coffee shop he liked without another word. He pushed open the doors for me, opening up my vision to the beauty and originality inside. The walls were plain pine wood, pale and unintimidating. There were several tables around and loads of people milling about. The counter had an open air regarding it and we approached without feeling any pressure. I hoped the customers at the diner felt similar; otherwise we weren't doing a good job. We strode up to order our food. There were shelves of sandwiches and toasties along with chilled drinks. I passed them by, but Cooper picked up a smoothie and a chicken mayo breadcake before joining me.

"I thought you wanted some food?" He made the statement seem like a question, placing a hand at my waist. After having all the fresh air flow through my body outside, the pain of his touch was less. I hoped it would stay like this; I didn't want Cooper to feel like he couldn't express himself to me because he was afraid of hurting me.

"I do." I said, confused at my own aversion to any of the savouries. "I want something sweeter."

He gave me a funny look as we strolled around the shop trying to find a table after ordering. We were lucky; another couple were just leaving and vacating a huge sofa next to the window. We finally sat down and I set my drink, which Cooper had gallantly paid for, on the small surface in front of us. He sat next to me, wrapping his fingers over one of my thighs.

"So," He began, grinning sideways at me. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, stirring my coffee absentmindedly. I know – coffee? I couldn't believe it either when I'd been queried for my order and I'd had a strange craving for coffee. I hoped it didn't last; Cooper had smirked at me. It wasn't a proper coffee though, I'd chosen a mocha; it was slightly less caffeinated and had a chocolaty taste.

"Sabina – you're drinking coffee; there's obviously something up." He said knowingly, sometimes I hated how well he knew me. "And what's with the Danish thing?" He gestured towards the Danish pastry I'd selected. "You usually get something toasted."

Why had he chosen today to become observant? "Nothing…" I sighed, not really helping my cause. "I just fancied a change."

He scoffed. "Like you did!" His fingers squeezed and it was comforting. "If you decide later that something's bothering you, tell me, ok?"

I nodded. "Of course I would." I stretched to kiss his cheek. "I'm ok, honestly."

He smiled, taking a long drink of his black coffee. Horrible stuff. "_Do_ you want to go anywhere else before we head back?" He swallowed a large bite of his sandwich, using his hand to gesticulate to me that it was very nice.

"I'm glad." I laughed, picking at the Danish with my fingers; I wasn't sure if I even wanted it anymore. "I'm not sure." I said, replying to his previous question. "I could probably do with nipping into the pharmacy for some pills." I hoped he wouldn't pursue the subject. If I could get into a pharmacist alone, I could buy a pregnancy test so I'd know for sure. I wondered whether Cooper would insist on coming inside with me; I wouldn't get anything with him there – it wasn't worth the excitement on his face if it were to be crushed later. "You need anywhere else?" I looked into his face, ignoring my drink for the time being.

"A couple of places, but just to browse. I know you don't want me to spend anything more and you're probably right." He smiled.

"I tend to be." I joked, dipping my finger into the cream that layered over my mug.

Laughing, he watched as I sucked at the cream and smiled. "I know." There was an almost awkward moment as he just stared at me, but he began to shake his head, leaning towards me. His kiss was tame; we were in public, after all. It lasted only a second, but I wanted more, craning my lips to his again. There hormones were screwing me over; I couldn't tell what I was feeling at all.

* * *

We'd only sat for around a half an hour longer. I'd managed to finish my drink eventually – it was lovely, but I could only take tiny sips of it. It had been very sickly. Cooper had finished his drink within the first ten minutes, knocking it back in only four gulps. He'd crammed the sandwich down his throat in even fewer mouthfuls. It was crazy how fast he ate.

He'd asked after eating about why I'd had to move to America when I was fifteen. I had to keep cryptic and I felt bad for hiding things from him. I promised myself that I'd tell him when Alex had safely left the state. I'd given him the typical lie: that my dad had been offered a job with a salary he simply couldn't refuse. He then wondered aloud about what that had had to do with Alex and the trouble he'd caused my family on holiday. I'd fibbed that Alex had become homesick, saying that we'd had a lot of trouble getting him to sleep and had to send him home part way through. I could tell that, even now, Cooper still didn't quite understand. He'd left it though. Good man.

Luckily, he let me know on our stroll out that he was going to make use of the toilets and that he'd meet me in the pharmacist. I tried not to portray my gratitude right then and there, I just quickly ran across the road and up to the front desk for some fast advice on which test to choose.

The lady understood, saying they got many girls needing to buy them as quickly as possible so their partners didn't find out. I'd found and paid for a test in two minutes and was 'leisurely' perusing the small make up selection by the time Cooper joined me.

"Find anything?" His voice boomed in the quiet of the store.

I shook my head. "No," I lied as genuinely as I could. "They've not got the exact brand I want. I'll get some from the corner shop when we get home." I smiled and he wrapped his arm around my waist, walking me outside and into the street.

"You seem better." He observed, happier that I'd perked up. If only he knew.

I nodded. "Yes, I think it was the coffee." I said, glancing up at him to show my sarcasm.

He laughed. "Sure it was."

* * *

Cooper pulled into our apartment block car park and left the car with the nose facing into the bay. I wanted to shout and scream at him for knowing it annoyed me, however, sensing that I wanted to was the reason I didn't. I couldn't keep giving into these hormonal reactions until Cooper understood why. I didn't want him thinking I was just being bitchy. We pulled our shopping bags from the car boot and made our way up the flights of stairs. There always seemed like we had to take more steps when we had our hands full, but Cooper kept my mind off the climbing and onto questions about how long Alex would be staying for. I tried to tell him in the nicest possible way that I had no idea. He nodded, but it wasn't an affirmative nod, more like an 'I'll-accept-this-but-I-don't-like-it' nod.

The plant outside our door had been moved slightly and underneath was the small glint of our silver key. Alex had hid it well to the untrained eye. I dropped my bags by the door frame whilst I let us in. Cooper picked up my bags and took them all inside, plopping them on the kitchen counters. We began to transfer anything that needed to be kept chilled into the fridge; we'd been for a quick run around Wal-Mart on the way back here.

"Sab, I think we left the pork behind." Cooper poked my shoulder, sticking his nose into bag after bag in hunt of the meat.

I rolled my eyes. "Not again…"

He laughed. "Yeah, it looks like it." He gave up the search and turned to me. "Am I going back for it or do you want to?"

The thought of being able to switch the car around when I returned wasn't incentive enough to want to go out again. I needed the alone time to take the test, anyway. "Do you mind going? I'd rather stay here and unpack." It was only a half-lie; I would prefer to put stuff away; that way I'd know where to find it later.

"Sure thang." He joked, grapping the car keys from next to the sink and closing the door as he departed.

I exhaled a long and drawn out breath that I was so glad to get out. Today had been so difficult. I wasn't sure whether Cooper was just usually unobservant or whether I'd never given him any reason to doubt me so much. Either way, he'd asked me so many questions that I'd probably revealed more in the last few hours than in our entire relationship. Whether he normally just let my mood swings slide, or I'd, by no means, made him so curious, I would probably never know.

I continued to pack the cupboards with our shopping until the bags were empty and the shelves totally full. The kitchen looked so much more comfortable when it was stocked. I smiled inwardly at our abode. Would this be the place where we'd have and raise our very first child? We were both so made up between these walls that I couldn't imagine moving. If we did move, we'd definitely be looking for something bigger. I didn't want to leave here, though, it was very homely and I couldn't even think of waking up to a different place. I always was one to settle down.

It was time; I couldn't put it off any longer. Cooper had already been gone for about five minutes and I knew he'd be back soon. I didn't know how long the test would take to complete and I definitely did not need him walking in on me. I transported our bags of clothes and toiletries through into our bedroom and rested them by the bed.

Taking deep and steady breaths in and out, I ran my hand into my handbag to find the little plastic bag which contained the test I'd purchased. I walked it through in the bathroom, laying it next to the tap. I stared across at my reflection, wishing that I'd soon wake up, sweating and panting, sat in bed and wouldn't have to do this. It wasn't that I didn't want to have a baby – I just didn't want one right now. I wasn't about to go out and get a secret abortion; no way, I didn't agree with them, secret or otherwise. If I was pregnant, I was stuck with it and I would see it through. Nine months would give me enough time to finish the last bits of my degree; I'd just be taking my final exams at around eight months gone. It would be difficult, but doable, definitely.

The door slammed out in the living room and my heart skipped a beat. Cooper couldn't be back by now, surely? He must have been speeding to and from the supermarket to have got back this quickly.

"Hello?" Came a pained and strained cry. It was Alex. Without even needing to think, I ran through into the lounge to find Alex leaning down on the couch arm with one strong hand, gripping the other to his side, blood oozing between his fingers and onto his dark shirt.

"No, Alex! What the hell happened to you?" My hands hovered around his body as I guided him down onto the floor. "You know what? It doesn't even matter, come on, I'll call a taxi and we're going to the hospital." I made to stand up but he groaned and grimaced, turning me back to him.

"I, ah, can't." He gasped between frowns. "If I go, oh, in like this, people will ask questions." He gripped at my arms, holding me on my knees.

"Isn't that better than dying?" I asked, sarcastically at first, but I knew what his reply would be. "Don't answer that, I'll go get the first aid kit."

He nodded, loosening his deathly fingers around my elbows and letting me go slowly.

I cursed any god I could possibly think of as I rushed through into the bedroom and reached into the top wardrobe for the little blue box of ailments and such. I loped straight back out to him. He was wailing in agony. "Sorry, sorry!" I soothed him as best I could, waving the kit in front of his face. His head nodded again and he moved the hand at his side, lifting up his shirt as far as he could.

The gash was huge; at least thirty centimetres long, passing from just below his armpit and across to his belly button. It was scarlet from the blood loss and it didn't look to be letting up at all.

"Alex, there's no way I can treat this, please, come with me to A&E?" I begged him, hoping he'd listen. It shouldn't have bothered me, but a pool of red was passing under him and onto my cream carpet. Somehow I knew we'd never be rid of that stain.

"Sabina, no, just clean it. Please, ahh, it'll heal, I've, ahh," his face contorted but he continued. "I've h-had worse."

That made me smile although it was inappropriate. Of course he'd suffered worse; he was Alex-chuffing-Rider. "Ok, but I can't do anything when I can't see it properly." I seized at his t-shirt and raised it over his head. "Right, I've got it." I twisted so that it caught the light. It was like an incredible cut. The skin looked harshly severed, but not the point of death, and gaped open. It was pretty nasty. I took some antiseptic oil and smeared it onto a large cotton wool pad. Taking a deep breath, I stroked my hands over the injury.

At first, I thought I'd made it worse. He groaned and thrashed against me, biting down on his own lips to stop from screaming. This was horrible; had I picked the wrong liquid? After a minute or so, though, he calmed and the moaning returned, lower and slower as the pain subsided. I replaced the dirty pad with another and waited for him to tell me what else to do.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

My head snapped up to where Cooper stood in the door arch, gripping it fiercely. He had the platter of pork in one arm. I didn't need to imagine what he was seeing from behind Alex's topless form. He wouldn't have seen the blood just yet, he'd only witness his girlfriend running her hands over another mans chest as he expressed his pleasure at the touch.

As if things could get any worse.


	9. Vodka

**A/n: Hola! This should be quick, but, somehow, I know it won't be.  
Rather short chapter, this time, people, should be enjoyable though. I can think of a few reviewers who will like it. (:  
I also wanted to say a special Hi to the people who aren't really Sabina fans and have alerts out for me – it's awesome that I've created a characteristic Sabina that's still accessible to those that aren't keen on her.  
Finally, I would like to tell you all of my maths lesson today. Ahaha, embarrassing. My teacher started talking about his hobby of fishing and some idiot who sits next to me told the whole class – to clarify, these are eight totally judgmental eighteen year old maths students – that I wrote fan fiction. I'm not ashamed of it, however it was quite uncomfortable. Especially, since none of them knew what it was. Lol (:  
On with the chapter. Thanks for reading, and, if you like it, even if you don't, why not let me know?**

_Vodka_

"I just don't…" I swallowed loudly, waggling my finger in Alex's direction. "Get him, man!" My eyes found Alex's smile and it seemed to be moving from side to side. This couldn't be good. My forearm flopped down onto the table with more force than I'd expected, but I found another glass and poured myself some more vodka. Some of the precious liquid brimmed over the top and trickled to the surface. It was ok; I wouldn't be able to drink that bit so I'd be slightly less blasted.

Cooper had stormed in earlier, screeching quite effeminately at the sight of Alex's blood on our carpet. That had seemed like explanation enough for him, tossing the pork down on the sofa and walking out, his hands over his nose. He'd sent me a text a few minutes later saying he was staying out for the night and he'd pick me up from university tomorrow. Alex had been quite understanding as I began to cry while I was still patching him up. I'd found it difficult not to notice the fantastic bullet-shaped scar at his chest and made a mental note to ask about it later. It'd taken about half an hour and over half of the contents of my first aid kit to stop Alex's bleeding. He'd known more about his injury, saying it was nothing serious and that he'd be fully healed within a month, left only with another scar. I knew very little remotely medical, so I'd let him examine himself. He'd told me what to do and he seemed ok now.

By the time he'd been fixed, I'd cried out all my feelings and was just ready for a drink. We were now one and a half hours and a bottle in, mostly my liver being destroyed because of his epic day. I was happy boozing alone so long as I had some sort of company. He had a couple of glasses though. I was a light weight; there was no use in denying it now.

"He's upset, Sabina, I'd be the same." He replied, his voice steady and not alcohol induced at all. Idiot.

I giggled, high and loud. "No, you wouldn't!" I necked another shot. It tasted revolting, but I wasn't in any position to turn it down. "You're Alex Rider; you have, like, the perfect reactions!"

He blushed slightly, taking my compliment despite my obvious stupor. "I may be damn near indestructible, but I do have feelings."

I shook my head and accentuated my words. "Nahh." I stretched my arm back towards the bottle for another mouthful, but Alex stopped me.

"I think you should give it a minute, Sabina, you don't sound particularly well." He slid the clear glass towards his side of the kitchen table, smiling nervously at me.

I was shocked at first because of his bravery. Not many men would try to persuade a girl to _stop_ drinking.

A sudden thought struck me as I gazed at him steadily. He still seemed to have half an eye more than usual, but I could live with that. If he considered me brain impaired right now, would he feel more inclined to be honest with me? I wanted to test my theory. "Why are you _really_ here, Alex?" I stressed the word that would imply to him that I wanted the truth and not a cover story.

He stared at me for longer than I thought necessary. After what felt like a lifetime of his awkward and narrowed gaze, he sighed, screwing and unscrewing the lid of the vodka bottle for something to occupy his eyes. "I'm assuming you've heard the rumours regarding the new head of science department at Scottsdale State?"

"Which ones?" I asked, dumbly, there weren't all that many to choose from.

"All of them, I'd guess."

"The bomb's not _real_, is it?" My face showed incredulousness.

He winced at my question; evidently, it was. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, it sure is." He didn't sound too happy about the fact. "They weren't best pleased when the discovery got leaked, I can tell you that. Please don't ever repeat this otherwise I'm in trouble."

"They've really created a bomb? A _proper_, actually exploding bomb?" This shouldn't have been news to me, what with the rumours spreading round the university, but it's different from hearing what _might _have happened to what has. I smiled towards him to signify that I'd heard his second request.

"Yes," He confirmed, still messing with the bottle top. "It could be an incredibly dangerous weapon if it was found to be in the wrong hands. I've got to investigate the intentions behind the breakthrough."

"Their 'intentions'?" I asked, confused as to why this would be his task. "Surely they'd have been inspected when they registered the find with the authorities, why would you have to come?" He gave me a lengthy stare, like I was missing something. I caught on. "Oh. They've not announced it, have they?"

He shook his head. "No, we're lucky to have heard about it – but news travels fast. The agency are worried that there's a reason they're keeping so quiet."

"Ohhh, the agency?" If I hadn't been so drunk, I wouldn't have started mimicking him; it was hardly the opportune time.

He smiled and nodded. "Yes, the agency." Laying the bottle on the table, Alex turned back to me, leaning his elbows so he was closer to me.

"What the hell happened to you today? You can't exactly play that down…" I gestured to what I hoped was his stomach; however, I wasn't entirely sure.

He surprised me giving a small laugh. Even in my state, I didn't find it funny. "I tried to keep a low profile, but, as usual, it didn't work." Whether it was unconsciously or whether he knew he was doing it, I could swear he was trembling. It could just be me. He opened the bottle and poured himself a tumbler of vodka.

"That's the spirit." I muttered, not bothered if he heard me.

He continued. "It seems the whole sciences department are on red alert for anyone who could be trying to infiltrate the project."

"What did they do to you?"

He shrugged slightly – as if he would have forgotten how he'd acquired his injuries. "I tried to get myself included and, to begin with, it was working. But the big guns came out when I met the head of department. I've read a lot about him, and it wasn't just for this mission. He has a pretty interesting life story." He took the shot in one mouthful and winced as he swallowed. Admittedly, I don't drink vodka for the taste. He launched straight back into his train of thought. I was great that he was speaking freely. "Max Hackney used to be an influential General and First-Class Airman in the United States Air Force, but a horrific accident that he had a one in a million chance of surviving forced him to resign. Hackney was asked to fly a small jet across the water to an air force base near Heathrow, but the flight planners didn't check for any incoming planes going to the airports. Hackney was alone when the nose of his craft was taken out by a seven-four-seven and he crash landed. After living in St. Dominic's hospital for six months, he was flown back to America where he never boarded an aircraft again."

The story could have been emphasised by my friend the alcohol, but either way, it couldn't have been a nice way to live. My mouth gaped. "I never even realised." I said, pathetically. "I knew he was new when I first started there, but I didn't know his history."

Alex nodded. "Sure, he's pretty messed up. Investing money into building some sort of bomb to be used as a military weapon could be an ulterior motive. I needed to keep a look out." He sat up straight, reaching over my arms, now laid across the table in my concentration, to pop some pain killers. He dry swallowed them. How weird. "Anyway, after that, it got kinda complicated. Hackney made a point of introducing himself to me; to test my genuinity, I guess. He showed my around the complex and the main sciences facilities, interviewing me immensely about my past. He wanted me to slip up; but I've been in this line of work for too long." He smiled at me after that comment. "During the dinner hour, I went for an explore by myself. Some guards caught me in a laboratory close to the production room for the bomb and I was dragged off to answer to Hackney. One thing lead to another and I was sheared with some sort of huge scarple. I managed to get myself out, but there's no way they're gonna let me anywhere near them now…" I sensed his anger with himself for being exposed so early. "This job really _irritates_ me sometimes."

"How did you get back here?" I tried to picture a bloody Alex limping through my nearby high street, making his way up the stairs and into my apartment. I couldn't do it.

"I walked." He said, simply, "What else could I do?"

"Are they gonna be mad?" I ignored his rhetorical question, having a small difficulty pronouncing my vowel sounds.

His face glanced back up at me, the confusion apparent from his features. "Who?

I held up my hands to make quotation marks in the air. "The agency."

He was quiet while he thought through my thoughts. I could feel the silence banging against the side of my head; I had two choices. More drink – I was sobering up and I definitely didn't want to be otherwise aware when I went to bed on my own tonight – or no drink – I should think of the maybe-baby, alcohol would not be good for the pregnancy, plus, I'd made enough of a fool of myself already tonight.

Finally, he spoke. "Not yet, I want a chance to think round a solution to this myself. If I definitely can't back inside without being noticed, I'll have to ring in so they can send someone else." That sounded like it was the last thing he wanted to do.

I gave him a small, knowing grin, my eyes drooping from the tiredness kicking in. I must have looked shattered. "You're good at what you do." I stated, not sure whether this made me happy or not. If he'd really hated it so much when I knew him in London, it was quite terrible that he was effective at it. He could earn millions of pounds and never be satisfied. Maybe his opinions of the secret services had changed over the years.

"We've all got to make a living." He said, staring back at me. I didn't want to be the one to break contact with his gorgeous eyes.

Without thinking, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "When did you get shot?" His face faltered, his features showing shock.

"A few weeks after you left." It didn't appear to be a difficult subject for him; it just seemed to come out of thin air. Like he'd not expected me to have noticed. "It's not fun, I'll warn you now." He smiled.

My grin turned into a half laugh; the kind you can only achieve when not entirely clear headed. "I can imagine. What happened?"

"It's all a little bit hazy, now." He told me, more dramatically than I thought necessary. "You remember I told you about Scorpia?" He probed. I nodded, stupidly, back and he continued. "I mentioned yesterday that they took a shot at me, well: they didn't miss."

"You survived, that's all that matters." I wrapped my fingers around his clenched hand opposite me. He was cool; the pain killers were definitely calming his system down.

His gaze found mine, and he gave me a long stare. I could read that face – he was deliberating. "You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is, I won't judge you; not that I'm capable at the moment."

He smiled at my joke, making his decision. "I saw my parents that day, before I passed out. The crowd around me parted," He looked past me, no doubt, reliving those moments through his mind. "And they stepped out. My mother was sad and my dad… sort of repentant, he regretted introducing me to this life, I think. When I fell unconscious, they were gone. With every injury I've had over the years, I've never seen them again."

I watched him in awe. I'd never thought the loss of his family has really affected him since he'd been so young when they'd died, but, obviously, I'd been wrong. He'd been hurting over his loneliness for all these years. I wanted to help.

"Alex," I stroked his hand under mine, hoping what I was about to say was ok. "They weren't… _real_. I know that they might have seemed it, but they weren't. It's nice to pretend they were there, seeing you collapse, but deep down, you know they were a figment of your imagination, right? A hallucination?"

"Sure… yes, I do. I just… at the time, I wanted them to be there, helping me. I guess I put them there. I thought I was going to die and I was… happy, glad that I'd get to meet them again. There's so much I wish I could ask them." His head bowed and his shoulders began to shake. Was he crying?

I didn't wait to find out. I stood up from my seat and circled the table, locking my arms around his shoulders. He still sat, but gripped his hands to my forearms, burying his tearing face into my skin. I wondered how long it'd been since he last cried. I mean, _really_ cried. It was a de-stressing mechanism I used all the time. I leant my chin into his hair. "You might think you are, but you're not made of stone, Alex. We all need to let it all out at some point."

I felt him nod beneath me as he gave a small hiccup. "I've never spoken to… _anybody_ about this stuff. I didn't think I could trust someone enough to let them know everything about myself."

I was almost tearing over; I couldn't watch other people cry and not myself. "I'll be here for as long as you want to talk, whatever you want to say, I will listen." I assured him, hoping he would accept my words as truth.

He pulled away slightly, signally me for some space. I extended to rigid, standing tall. He dapped his eyes with a sleeve and laughed. "It's these damn pain killers." He accused. "They're making me all emotional and female."

I stared down at him in admiration. He was like a totally different Alex to me now. He'd changed so much over the last few minutes that he could have been a diverse person. I respected him so much more for speaking his mind. Feeling my gaze, he looked up and caught my eyes.

His beautiful brown eyes told me a thousands things that I hadn't known, they intensified all those painful memories he'd just admitted to me and reiterated their importance to him. I wanted to bottle this feeling of complete honesty and keep it forever. I tried to tell him with my own, not so communicative, eyes how close I wished to be to him. How I wanted him to hold me so that I could grip him back and feel his presence next to mine.

Without anything else needing to be said, he strode to stand before me and wrapped his arms around my back, bringing his lips to mine with an urgency I'd longed to feel for years. His mouth parted so quickly that I didn't expect his advance, but I welcomed it, pressing my body proximally against his chest and knotting my fingers into his hair. We fit together perfectly, like fate was laughing at us for having to wait this long to discover our compatibility. His fingers shuffled my body, moving up and down my back and running across the skin beneath my top. This lust had been queued for eight years so we didn't need to ask to know we both felt it. It was strong and potent in the air between us. His touch found my hips as his kiss calmed slightly and became more affectionate; he'd gathered that I wasn't going to push him away. I'd needed this immediacy far more than he knew and I would not be the one to ruin it now that I'd acquired it. Bringing my own grip down to his shoulders, I turned him and guided him backwards, towards the sofa.

Alex twisted to let me take a seat first and followed, both of us lying across the cushions in the arms of the other. I took a deep breath as his kiss trailed up my neck and found my mouth and his hands stroked from my shoulder down to my thighs. I kept one hand at his neck, holding his handsome face to mine with as much pressure as I thought he could handle, where as I rubbed the fingers of the other across his toned and muscular chest. He responded by clutching at my backside and curving my body closer to his.

He curled his neck to end the kiss, pulling back and staring at me with a deep meaning that hadn't been there before. I leant my forehead against his and took shallow, quick breaths, failing to calm myself. When he spoke, cool air projected between his lips and onto my cheeks. I relaxed with his smooth voice flowing around my brain. "Ahhh, Sabina, we both know where this is going to lead…" My small smile widened. "If you want this to stop right now, we never have to mention it again."

I shook my head, pressing my lips to his for a second. "No way, you have no idea how long I've wanted this. Why? Do you want to end it here?"

"Definitely not…" He grinned, craning his neck and kissing me more intensely. I felt his bare hands slide around and cradle my back; I arched, pushing my chest further into him.

Damn right, I knew where we were going take this. Hopefully, down the corridor and into my bedroom…

* * *

I didn't want to admit to myself that I was waking. The alarm next to my bed would be going off any second, but my head was banging. I'd never been a good drinker; I got hangovers from a minute amount of intake. I shouldn't drink – ever again.

I squinted my eyelids tighter to avoid having to open them as I tried to push a way through my headache. So far, it wasn't happening. I guess it was just going to be one of those days. The ones you live after the night before. That thought brought my mind forward.

_Alex_.

Oh no. Did we really spend the night together? Snippets of memories flooded through my head in oceans; I didn't need to piece them together to wonder how awkward this morning was going to be. I was definitely going to think twice the next time I was looking at a bottle of vodka.

I was still staring into the darkness of my own eyes when I felt an arm slide around my shoulders and draw me across the bed. I turned over at his touch to glance at his face.

"Good morning." He greeted me, a small smile taking his features. "Did you sleep ok?" His fingers massaged my shoulder blade, soothing my otherwise uncomfortable feelings.

I nodded as best I could in this position, rubbing my eyes. Call my insecure, but I was terrified of my dishevelled appearance. "You?" My voice croaked from sleep.

"Sure…" The dark circles around his eyes told me otherwise, but I didn't ask. "I don't know how much you remember of last night…"

I laughed, interrupting his would-be apology. "Neither do I."

"Sabina – you were out of your face, I took advantage of you and I'm sorry."

Shaking my head, I sat up, bringing the duvet around my body. I wasn't particularly sure how much I was wearing. "I'm responsible for myself and you don't need to say anything. We're both as bad as each other." He leant up, propping himself on his elbows. "You were pretty high from those pain killers and I was drunk. We don't need to have all this embarrassment." I brought my hand up to my forehead, hoping the support would lessen the pain. It didn't.

He nodded, seemingly agreeing with me. "How's your head?" He smirked, throwing his legs off the bed and sitting with his back to me.

I laughed then instantly regretted the movement, my head crying out for a Tylenol. "I've been better." I replied, trying to avoid looking at him as he stood up and pulled on a pair of boxer shorts.

"Did you say you've got some lectures today?" He asked, striding around my bed for the corridor.

I nodded, wondering what was possessing me to continue moving my head. It was certainly going to be a long day. I hoped Cooper didn't start something again tonight; I didn't think I could handle the volume of his voice.

Cooper. Sugar. How the hell could I face him when he picked me up? How was I supposed to spend my time convincing him that I wasn't going to chuck him whilst trying to pretend I'd not spent the previous night in the arms of someone else? Oh Jesus, no. Would he be mad if I confessed? That was a given; but would he be upset enough to finish me? He'd be disgusted, definitely; but I didn't want him to leave me. I couldn't believe it'd taken my sleeping with Alex to realise that I didn't want my boyfriend to dump me… I hoped my relationship with Alex wasn't changed by this… God, this was embarrassing.

Alex was still waiting for an answer. "Yes, I do." I said, finally, deciding whether I should explain things now; get them out in the open. "I've got to go in for eleven." My eyes snapped automatically to the bedside clock. It was twenty past nine; I had plenty of time. I brought my head back to Alex and tried to catch his gaze. "You realise we're not going to get away with not talking about this, don't you?"

He gave a small, knowing grin. "Sure, I kinda thought so." He gestured towards the door. "I'll be a couple of minutes, ok?"

Nodding, I watched his figure retreat for the bathroom. God, he really was _gorgeous_. From his firm muscles to his slim and toned abdominals. Life isn't fair.

I shrugged free of the covers, stepping away to my dresser for some clothes. My garments from the previous night were no where to be seen and I could half recall leaving them through on the couch. I'd have to scout round the apartment before I left. I chose a thick tank top and a pair of comfy sweat pants. They didn't do much for my body anxieties, but I was trying my best to ignore them. What should I care whether Alex found me attractive? Aside from the fact that we'd just woken up together after a steamy night before – therefore he must have at least _felt_ something for me – I had a boyfriend. This was the recurring theme. I actually hated myself pretty badly right now.

I heard banging through in the bathroom and the door flung open as Alex paced quickly through to me. One hand gripped my unused pregnancy test between his fingers, holding it as if it were diseased.

His face has turned bright red, his eyes bugging and flaring at me. "When did you plan to tell me you were pregnant?"


	10. Morning After the Night Before

***Waves and laughs nervously* Heyyyy (: Long time no update? *Hides in a proverbial corner of the internet and waits to be hit interactively*  
Lol, I hate it when people make excuses for not updating, but I feel like it's been so long that I probably should. First, I've had a lot on recently, school's got ridiculous and I've turned 18, been out for my first clubbing experience, passed my driving test and been out to buy a car. It's been a very busy time for me and I've been sleeping in my spare time so I've not had chance to update. Big sorry to you all!  
Just a few things else to say. Second I'd like to say that I've got such a response to this story that I've got over 40 reviews out on me and over 20 favourites which is absolutely awesome. Thanks for all the support!  
Thirdly, I'm away in southern Scotland which is, basically, in the middle of a field. So I've got no internet connection (it sucks, tbh). I've had to travel about half an hour (in my car ;)) to go to a library to update now, so I won't be updating for at least another week. I'm home in six days so you should hear from me again then.  
Thanks for your patience! (:**

_Morning After the Night Before_

I stared Alex down, my chin curling in on my chest from humiliation. As if this situation could have been more shameful – he knew now he'd not only slept with a girl who wasn't available; she possibly might even be pregnant. Fantastic.

I eventually sighed, feeling like there was little more I could do to save this morning. "I'm not sure that I definitely am…" Was my only reply; I knew that wouldn't clear anything up, but what else could I say?

His eyes shot further out of his eye sockets, turning blood shot and furious. "What? And you think that makes it better?" His glare could kill as he tilted his head towards me in a patronizing gesture.

"No!" I yelled back; determined that I shouldn't take this from him. Hormones are a horrible thing. One minute I longed for Alex to hold me tight and not let go, the next I wanted to cry into Cooper's chest and tell him how sorry I was for deceiving him – and then I needed to shout. Right now, I was leaning towards screaming; Alex just happened to be my unlucky immediate focus. "Don't you start on me, Alex Rider; I'm an incredibly hormonal wreck right now and I'll fight back!"

He smiled at that, noticing the rage filling my vision and calming down slightly. "Strangely, that really scares me…" His voice trailed off and I couldn't decide whether I should laugh. He wasn't afraid of firearms and sharp weapons, but my ferocity worried him. Who'd have thought?

"You just know you're gonna lose." I mocked him, not quite showing any enthusiasm, but trying my best to curve my anger. It wasn't him I was mad at – it was myself.

He threw the test down onto the bed, wiping his hand down the fabric of his pants. I thought about telling him I'd not used it, but decided it wouldn't help my cause. "When did you find out?" He asked, turning back to me to assess my reactions.

I tried to hold his eyes, however, it proved difficult as his gaze warmed and he made an attempt to smile. I couldn't understand how he could be so jolly in such a terrible situation. I knew I wasn't totally forgiven for my lapse in judgement, but he was letting up a fraction. "I don't know for certain that I am, but I caught on to my mood swings and eating habits yesterday morning. I got the test when I went out into town."

He gave me a long, long look, debating on whether to speak. Once he did, I understood why he'd taken a moment to think. It wasn't anything to do with the answer I'd just given, "Do you know who the father is?"

I gawped, resisting the urge to shove him from anger. Was he insinuating that I slept around, or was he just asking, cos y'know, to be sure? He'd be well within his rights to implicate, I guess, but I still didn't like it. I let him off from my fury on that one – he had thought for a second before asking; in my opinion, that saved him. I took a deep breath in and let it out, curbing the frustration I could feel that might gush from my mouth and hurt Alex. Finally, I replied. "Cooper. If there really is a baby, Cooper will be the father. I'm sure of that."

"Does he know?" Alex's tense shoulders relaxed slightly but his gaze was still anxious. I wanted to believe he was worried _about_ me, but I understood that his concern was directed more towards the situation on a whole and the poor unborn baby I'd just got drunk whilst mothering. It wasn't very practical, really.

I shook my head. "No…" I looked down at my feet, embarrassed. "I only bought the test yesterday and… and I didn't want to tell him until I was sure… he'd be so excited and I didn't want it to upset him if it turned out I wasn't."

He nodded and it surprised me. My logic must have been firmer than I thought. "No, I understand that. It's very kind, and he must mean a lot to you." I turned my eyes back to him, taking in his reserved features and steady gaze. "Have you told anyone at all?"

I sighed, shaking my head again and slumping into a slouch. "I wasn't going to until I knew for definite."

He gave a small, but controlled giggle. He wasn't completely happy that I'd kept such a thing from him and let last night go so far, but he understood. "I guess that backfired, then."

"It sure did…" My voice trailed off and I was uncertain of what to say. I turned my head to check the clock and made to walk past Alex. It was just gone half past nine and I wanted to do a bit of tidying up around the place before Cooper came home in the evening.

"Where're you going?" I heard him ask and twisted to face him.

"I need to give the lounge a once over; if Cooper happens to come home for his tooth brush, we're screwed." I tried to smile and make light of situation, but Alex seemed to lose his comfortableness and grow uneasy again.

"What are we gonna do about this? How are you going to tell him?" The questions burst from his lips like he'd have be physically hurt if he'd not have asked them. It was him who wanted to talk now. Role reversal.

I took a few steps towards him and perched on the end of the bed. My feet were beginning to really ache; I wondered what I'd done to them yesterday. I wondered whether I wanted to know. "He's not going to find out from you; you should be able to work that much out." I held a gaze on Alex just long enough for him to nod at my statement, and then I carried on. "I will tell him… it's hardly fair to dive into a relationship involving a child with a secret like this. I just… not… now?" My intonation implied I was asking for reassurance, but I wasn't.

Alex settled on the floor just below where I sat. His body language suggested he was giving in, letting me handle this as I pleased. "Do you want me to leave?" He looked up after speaking, not waiting for me to reply. "To be honest with you, Sabina, I don't really want to be here when he finds out…"

That shocked me, and my face showed. Was he really this much of a coward? He'd never been like this with me before… he'd always come across as one the bravest people I knew. He'd had no choice but to be. I felt for him; staring down at my hands, intertwined and twiddling together. "You've changed." I spoke slowly, hoping I didn't offend him.

His arms were wrapped around his knees, flaring out from his chest. His gaze moved up to hit me a long and quiet look. Eventually he spoke. "I'm sorry. Eight years is a long time."

I nodded, holding his eyes for as long as I could manage before I got to my feet. "I need to tidy up." I strode, unbalanced, away, mumbling over my shoulder to him.

* * *

I opened up the airing cupboard to pull out a set of clean bed sheets. I wasn't sure if changing the linens would make mine and Alex's affair seem more obvious, but I couldn't leave them on. For my sake, if not anyone else's, they had to be washed. If Cooper happened to notice – taking into account his unusually high levelled observations yesterday – then I'd have to tell him. What a mess…

Alex had skulked across into the bathroom so I'd retired back to mine and Cooper's room to search for jobs. I'd moved any of Alex's belongings through onto his bed and tidied up my own. The bedroom looked moderately tidy – for a home in which Cooper resided, at least. I could remember his room back when he lived with his parents. They used it as an office now, content he wasn't about to come running back cos we'd I'd kicked him out. I'd stayed over once, in the early stages of our relationship – a girl at work had had her twenty-first birthday in a community centre near his parents' house.

_The pillow beneath my head was soft, therefore it couldn't be mine. _

_I scratched at it with my fingernails, my eyes still closed, as I tried to remember the night before. I wasn't coming up totally blank, but there were distinct gaps in my recount of events. _

_Eventually, I forced my eyelids to part, rubbing the thick layer of sleep from my face and staring around the room. I propped myself up on my elbows and bent my back to take in my surroundings. Opposite was a small TV on a chest of drawers, all hanging open and squashed full with clothes. There was a wardrobe directly next to the bed that was wooden, pine, as far as I could tell, and it was big. There were several piles of clothing, dirty or otherwise, discarded across the floor. The walls were a dark brown, very similar to black, but not quite there. He had dolphins on his curtains; I smiled. _

_I heard a groan next to me and turned swiftly to lay my gaze on Cooper's collapsed form. His face looked almost angelic in it's infancy from the night. He'd taken off his top from being too warm; so his chest radiated confidence at me. Relaxing into the bed, I manoeuvred myself so I lay closer to him. _

_I gave a quiet laugh. "What happened?"_

_He raised his head a little, shook it out and then calmed it back onto the bed, his eyes still welded shut. "What do you mean?" His voice was low and croaky. _

"_Last night." I clarified, wondering if I was going to get anything useful out of him so early in the morning. His hair, usually un-styled and messy, had truly outdone itself. It stuck up in large spikes, consistently across his scalp. As I stared up at him from where I lay, I could revel in his natural handsomeness. He wasn't perfect, but since when was I pretending to be? "I thought you were going to drive me home." I tried to keep my tone neutral; I didn't mind at all in waking up here, I was just curious what had led to my sleeping next to him. _

_He yawned, his mouth flailing wide for a few long moments, then he spoke. "I couldn't find your apartment." He said, simply, rolling onto his front with face pressed a few centimetres from mine. _

_I knew I'd been drunk; I wasn't an idiot, but had I really been _that_ drunk? "What did I do?" I sighed, reluctantly asking the question. _

_He smiled. "You couldn't remember where you lived, so I brought you back here. Then you refused to go to sleep on your own and weaselled your way into my bed."_

"_Weaselled?" I asked, repeating his terminology._

_He nodded, his lids fluttering as he decided to open his eyes. As his ocean blue pupils turned, he studied me, as if looking at me for the first time. It made me insecure to think that what he'd see would be my pasty, bloodshot face. I'd never been able to escape an exciting night out; my features always appeared gaunt and tired the next morning. "Yeah, weaselled. You sort of… crawled?" His grin widened. "I was on the floor and you crept over and dragged me back. When I tried to move, you snubbed and told me you'd scream if I didn't stay."_

_He reached up a hand to cup it to my cheek. I blushed, my mouth gaping. "That sounds like me."_

The innocent smile he'd shown me that day burned into my brain as I felt the tears come to my eyes. Why did I do this to him? After all the great things he'd helped and done for me over the last year, I'd repaid him by hurting him more than anyone had ever hurt me. I collapsed my body down onto the newly made bed, my arms thrashing across my vision.

I couldn't cry – not now, not with Alex away getting ready in the other room. I needed to keep it together; get today over with and sort everything out. I promised myself I would take some time out when this was all over to just relax.

How could I tell him? It sounds harsh, but I couldn't help thinking that I could use the possible pregnancy as a buffer for the bad news. If I told him of mine and Alex's catastrophic affair directly before or after I admitted I was expecting, maybe he'd be too surprised to react. It wouldn't be fair, but I didn't want him to be mad at me. If I could restrict his response in any way, I would. The only flaw in this plan of attack would be Cooper's association with the baby's father; could I manage to convince him that he was only possible dad, or would he see a likelihood of another man?

With these thoughts and decisions clear and running fast through my head, I shuffled through into the lounge, only to be greeted by the fantastically large spread blood red stain a foot or so from the three piece suite. I twisted on the spot, grabbing at a weak stain remover and cloth we used in the bathroom from under the sink. I swiftly got to work at seemingly cleaning the stain away, when, as far as I could see, I was only spreading it.

Suddenly, I heard the door in front of me open. I raised my head to see Cooper's slender body walking sluggishly and reluctantly through the door frame and over the barrier into our apartment.

I wondered what I was supposed to say. "Hey." I greeted, dropping the cloth I was holding to the ground and extending my height from my thighs. I could see more of him; he looked rough and unkempt. He nodded in my direction, hesitating for only a second before he strode, more confidently, towards the many shelves of our coffee table. I waited as long as I could in the silence, watching him, before I had to speak. Things had never been this awkward between us. "Where did you sleep last night?"

He was knelt, searching the ledges impatiently for something, talking without looking at me. "Chad's place."

After delaying my reply for a moment, curious as to whether he'd elaborate, I felt I had to continue. I couldn't stand the quiet from him, he was usually so loud. I missed the sound of his voice. "Oh. How is he?"

Cooper nodded again, something I'd have missed if I'd not been looking at him. Eventually, his head lifted and his hands were around a brown folder he used to keep his college work together. He finally looked at me – _really_ stared at me. It felt like his gaze could pierce my skin. I wished his eyes would glint with that familiar humour they usually did, but he just remained dead and unknown. Inadvertently, I took a step towards him, eager to be closer to him. "Please, baby, can't we talk? I hate all this unease between us." I wanted to tell him what he'd seen meant nothing; me and Alex weren't involved and there was nothing for him to worry about, however, I didn't want to lie to him.

"I wanna talk, Sab, but I can't… I wanna save it for sometime when you can be honest with me; I'm fed up of the crap!" He took the envelope in one hand and gesticulated with the other, showing me how angry I was making him.

I frowned at him, fighting back the tears that were fighting to spill down my cheeks. I must have looked a state. I reached out my fingers towards him, resting them around his hips as I stumbled forwards, and nodded. "I understand, Cooper, truly I do, but I love you, please, tell me you still feel the same." I sighed back the pathetic blubbers that were threatening my voice. "I'd really hate myself if you left me." I, impossibly, held his eye contact, inwardly cursing my hormonal state. Unconsciously, I wondered how he'd react to my confessions; I wasn't normally one to express my deep feelings willingly or when sober – I was generally unaware of them in my own mind.

As I closed my eyes to stop the sobs that tried to escape my lips and was shocked to feel his arms wrap around my shoulders. I squashed myself firmly into his grip and cried silent and countless teardrops, soaking into his coat. I hoped he wouldn't notice. "Sabina… sweetheart, don't be stupid." He soothed, his voice emanating calmness and tranquillity. He simply rubbed his hands up and down my back for a few minutes before he whispered to me. The peace around us was comfortable and no longer the ill at ease atmosphere we'd had before. "Where's Alex?"

I buried my head further into his shoulder, frightened that my answer would make him bolt before I'd even realised. "In the bathroom."

I felt in his neck that he'd nodded and not made any other notion. Smiling, I surmised he was going to stay a while longer to placate me. I'd have to repay him for his actions today some time in the future. I didn't deserve him. "I'm…" I began, unsure of what I was saying.

"Sabina, what's wrong?" His body shook as he spoke and the motion was gentle on my head.

I groaned exasperatedly. "Baby, I'm really sorry. I've messed it all up." I pulled my head back slightly and took his chin in both my hands to stare at him.

He gazed steadily back and waited for me to explain although I didn't intend to, his hands holding my shoulders. "For what?" He asked, finally, after I glanced away and tried to move from his grip. "It's not your fault, Sab. Anyway," He sighed, "You said Alex will be out of here soon, and when that happens, everything will go back to normal. I just can't deal with this shiz right now; I need some space. Is that ok?" He was looking at me as if I was either very young or mentally deranged.

I gave a small and slow nod, reaching my withdrawn hands back up to his neck. I craned my lips and trained a line along his jaw. At first he was seemingly encouraging me on, though, a few moments later, as my hands sneaked across the veins on his chunky neck up towards his face, he grabbed my hands and jerked his head away from mine. "Sabina; no." He murmured, releasing me and stepping away to the door. "I'm taking the car, I'll pick you up in the university car park; three o'clock, right?" He hovered underneath the door arch, his folder clutched in both hands again as he gazed at me for reassurance.

I stood, rigid on the spot, confirming that I'd meet him later and, with that, he'd gone, throwing me a tiny smile before departing. When I was alone, I trundled back to pick up the cloth with which I'd been attacking Alex's blood stain. I was still broadening it a little more when Alex surfaced, his hair wet to his forehead, with a towel in one hand.

"What did he say?" Alex asked, spreading the towel between his two extended arms and laying it across the nearest radiator. I gave up on trying to clean the carpet, deciding I needed a stronger stain remover.

"Nothing, really." I replied, tossing my used cloth into the sink about a metre behind where Alex stood. "He's picking me up from university and we're going to have a chat then, I think. Would it be alright if you walked home?" I breathed a deep inhale. "You done in the shower?" I pointed down the corridor.

He nodded, striding towards the couch. "Sure, I've been thinking actually, do you mind if I stay home today? I need some time to figure out what I'm doing and maybe ring LA to let them know what's going on. It'd be better if I hung around here."

"Yes, that's fine." I spoke automatically, thinking through what I was agreeing to as a second thought. Alex couldn't bring any harm to my home without trying, so I was sure he'd be ok looking after the place for a few hours, I was more concerned with how Cooper would react – he didn't even know Alex'd been here alone on Saturday. I could 'forget' to tell him, but then that'd be another way I'd be lying to him. I bloody well hated this; why had my life suddenly become so complicated? "I'm gonna go clean myself up, I'll have to set off for uni in about half an hour; I need to print some work off in the library first. Help yourself to whatever breakfast you want." I gesticulated to the cupboards around the kitchen whilst wandering aimlessly through into the bathroom.

Cooper's towel, splayed corner to corner on the rack, caught my eyes as I undressed and jumped under the burning hot water spray of water. He wouldn't use it this morning because I'd forced him out. What the hell was I doing?

The rush of warmth on my back felt restful and I could sense the muscles in my back and shoulders unwinding and releasing the tension I'd built up over the last few days. I sighed therapeutically as the water loosened up my mood and prepared me for the hours that were yet to come.

I hadn't realised for how long I'd been showering until I got out and glanced the clock on my way through to the bedroom, my towel wrapped more firmly around my body than I usually deemed necessary with only Cooper present. I tried not to dally as I got myself dressed in a casual thigh-length dress and leggings with a black shrug, but I couldn't help but stare momentarily at the calendar again, wondering if it could really be true. Pregnant? Me? _Seriously?_

I'd packed my bag full of folders and resources the night before, so I quickly shouldered it and made for the door, shouting back to Alex. "I'll be home around quarter past three-ish; Cooper's picking me up and I don't know how long we he has to say will take." I informed him, looking back from the open door. I twisted so I could see him with my body still facing the way I wished to move. From under here, I could see that the door frame really needed painting. Yet another job to add to the list.

"Sure!" Alex's voice shouted to me from the spare room. He poked his head around the frame to lock eyes with me. "Be careful, ok?" He added, the grin wiping from his lips and being replaced by a look of pure seriousness.

At first, I could almost see my own features going blank, but after a second, I recovered and smiled as innocently as I could. I nodded. "Thanks. I'll try. Should I be expecting anything?"

He shrugged, his mouth screwing into a bemused expression. "Who knows? Just watch your back, kay?"

I nodded again, trying to show my co-operation, but inside, my body was coiled around itself fear and confusion. Jesus. Today could go one of either two ways. Well and normal, or terrible and incredibly horrifically. I knew which one I was hoping for.


	11. Confessions

**A/n: Good morning!  
Well, I'm back from my holiday, if it can really be called that, and I had an awesome drunken time, doing little else apart from drinking lots and writing this. I've done no homework, and I have a huge amount, so I might not update for another week til I get it done.  
I feel inclined to give a spoiler warning on this chapter; there's a lot of information used from **_**Eagle Strike**_** so if you've not read it [yet], this will ruin it for you. Just to fore warn you all, (but I'm sure you've read it, since it the BEST in the series ;) lol)  
This chapter's quite long, so yeah, it took me a long time to proof read it. I need to do some essays for college now, so I'm off haha, enjoy!**

_Confessions_

The gentle Arizona wind bit at my ankles, exposed from under my leggings, as I stood with my arms crossed in the university car park. The time had just gone five past three and Cooper had text me to tell me he was on his way although he'd not yet arrived.

Today had been weird. I'd made a conscious effort to act as ordinarily as I possibly could, but in doing so, I felt more like people were watching me all the time and looking out for my sudden movements. Even now, I could sense a guy's gaze on me from a couple of floors above me in the student coffee café. It was incessantly uncomfortable, but I knew it was innocent and an image I was creating myself in my own mind. It had to harmless cos there was no way any of the students here could have made the link between me and Alex after only two days; however, the strange looks I was receiving were unnerving.

A now soft _boom-boom_ found my ears as I realised Cooper was close by. He always played his dance music that loud when he was driving, and how he could concentrate on not crashing our beautiful little Matiz in the process was beyond me. He'd never once chipped the turquoise paintwork when reversing or clipped a kerb with me present, and the music was always way above my acceptable level. His awesome driving skills were another of his traits that infuriated me; how could he be such a good driver when he rarely travelled less than forty miles per hour? He rounded the corner of the car park at what must have been around thirty miles an hour and accelerated towards me at a rate I wouldn't have thought our small car even could. Now, the bass was roaring outside the car and it was nearly deafening me to hear it through the metal walls.

Taking off his belt, Cooper stretched across from the drivers' seat to unlock my door. Our car was quite technological, what with its CD player and electric windows, but it didn't have a central locking; something that gets easier to deal with as time goes by. We'd had the car for about half a year now, buying it when it became impossible for Cooper to do his driving instructors' course without a car to drive when he was at home. It was cheap to run because the engine was so small, a feature which annoyed Cooper, but was perfect for me, being an incredibly unconfident driver.

I opened the door and squatted down to take the passengers seat. He turned the volume down considerably as I fastened my seat belt and waited for him to set off. "How was college?" I asked, securing my shoulder bag on the floor and between my legs, and turning to look at him.

"Meh…" He mumbled, hurrying our poor car out onto the highway and stomping the pedal a little bit more. "How about your day?" He seemed to add the question as a second thought, but I appreciated his attempt to relax the awkward situation.

I shrugged, bending my arm around his at the gear stick to turn the heater up. The warm air blasted my face instantly and my legs felt hotter already. "Ok, I guess. It was pretty average. Professor Cullen says my magazine design assignment is getting a lot better, so I've got a little less work to do for that one."

He nodded and murmured a 'good' in my direction before returning all his attention to the road and causing my eyes to avoid the speedometer. The silence literally developed and enveloped the both of us, filling the atmosphere around us and forcing neither of us to make any effort to move. Cooper made his gear and pedal changes quietly and didn't once look my way, not even when he was turning. I hoped this wouldn't last long. Cooper's mild mannerisms and reservations were driving me insane.

He curved into our apartment block car park at a much lower speed than usual; whether it was in an attempt to talk to me, or plainly not to crash, I wasn't sure. There were a few more moments of quiet as he selected our usual parking spot, then he spoke.

"Will Alex be in the house right now?" He didn't look at me whilst he asked, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was because he was focussing on the forward parking. For once in my life, I averted the conflict over his annoying parking habit.

I nodded, but voiced my answer for his sake. "Yes, I think so. He'd have let me know if he was gonna go out."

"Sure." Cooper raised his head further towards the ceiling to manoeuvre the bonnet of the car as close to the railing as he could get, then he glanced at me, turning off the engine.

"I suppose we'd best stay in here for a while longer, then?" I raised the intonation of my voice to imply my question, gazing at him from where I was twisted in my seat. "I know I've got a lot of explaining to do…" I gave a small smile, reaching my hand across to loosen his crossed arms tight to his chest. He took one my hands, but looked down and didn't speak. I sighed. "I want to be honest with you, Cooper, honestly…" I began, staring deeply at him. I should have expected his interruption, but it surprised me.

"Then why won't you be? I don't get it, Sabina! You say you love me, but you can't tell me! It's crap!" He threw down my hand, lugging the chair back slightly so he could turn ninety degrees and face me. He brought his knee up underneath himself and glared me down. "If you won't even consider talking to me until Alex has gone, I might just camp at Chad's till then, cos I'm getting sick of this. It'll give you and Alex the privacy to talk shop alone and leave my mood at rest!"

I shook my head. "Cooper, please don't do this."

"Do what, Sabina?" His face was tilted towards me in a condescending fashion, further entailing his misunderstanding. "I can't comprehend what's so bad that you can't tell your own boyfriend! Is it something _he's_ said?" He jerked a thumb idly towards our apartment block, obviously insinuating I might be sworn to secrecy by Alex. I was not, and I would not have Cooper thinking that.

I grasped at his flailing hand with my own in an attempt to calm him. He merely looked at me like I were stupid. "I want you to know and, I promise you, you will. Just not now. Isn't that enough?" My tranquil gaze should have relaxed him, however it failed.

"Not right here, it's not! It's just the two of us and you could quite easily reassure me, but yet you won't! What does it say about our relationship, Sabina, if you'd rather talk to your male _friend_ who reappears after eight years of non-contact about your issues than either your boyfriend of over a year or your parents? I don't think you've got any idea how you're making me feel." He ranted on, breathing heavily between sentences.

I waited for him to finish before I replied. "Baby, I know this is difficult… and, let me tell you, its working. Believe me, I wish…" I trailed off after seeing the expression of grieve cross his face and stick at his eyes.

"This isn't a game, Sabina! I'm not going on at you because I think it'll make you talk to me! I want you to know why I can't be around you while _he's_ here, not trying to force an explanation out of you!" His furious features leant towards me and held my stare as I hesitated.

My voice was low and almost none existent as I breathed. "What do you want me to say?"

He sighed, winding his fingers into mine and locking his vision on me. His reaction to my blank appearance shone through his face as his eyes widened and narrowed again to curl by the corners while he smiled. Staring down at our hands between us, he spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't need to raise my voice at you to make a point… I know you'd listen anyway. I just…" His gaze returned to my face. Using his free arm, he gestured to me. "This isn't you, Sabina. This side of you isn't the one I'm in love with. All I ask is that you don't let the side I like slide away; I want to keep her, ok?"

I gave him a steady look before I stretched my body forwards and wrapped my arms around his back. "I won't. Alex is not staying; his aspect on my life won't need to exist for much longer. I'll always be me." I was raised above him, his head pressed into my chest over the hand brake. It was hardly practical, but it was necessary. He wouldn't talk this openly in the house so we needed to stay out here. It was comfortable enough; it just wouldn't look all that typical if someone happened to walk past the car.

He nodded, the bristly hair around his ears tickling the skin above the neck line of my dress. I smiled; my attraction for him hadn't distorted. That was something else I should have considered before now. Luckily, my experience with Alex hadn't changed my mind about Cooper. I loved him and it was still the same. I took a deep breath and had a brief moment the clear my thoughts before I began. At first, I didn't know what I was saying. "He saved my life." I leant back to let Cooper see my face. I wanted him to know I was being honest. "I- um…" I bent back in my seat and looked down at my feet. This was going to be difficult to phrase right. "When I was fifteen, which was when I met Alex… um, I had a run in with a famous English pop star who…" Could I really tell him? Would he believe me?

"Sabina, if you can't…"

"No, I want to." I butted in, squeezing his fingers. "It's just –hard. That part of my life was… difficult. It's why I moved out here. You should probably know." He nodded, looking up under his eye lashes with eyes that were concerned and anxious for my mental state. His smile was supportive. "Alex was in with some… weird people, I guess. Like he told you, we got to know one another at Wimbledon, and because we seemed to understand each other so well, I invited him to come surfing with me and my family. I asked him… about what he was – because he was so different to anyone else I'd met before and I wanted to know more about him. I had quite an unhealthy infatuation with him, actually. Anyway, he told me and I didn't believe him." I sighed, folding my hands around themselves in my lap and trying to hold Cooper's eyes. I couldn't do it; I was too scared what I was about to say would cause me to lose him forever.

"What's wrong? What was he?" Cooper was intrigued, but at the same time, making no attempt to push me; I could say 'no' at any time and he wouldn't complain.

"It's not what he was." I said, my glance turning rather melodramatic. "He still is. He works for the secret services… and has since he was about fourteen."

At first, he was dumbstruck and then, incredulous. His curious and confused eyes held me in such a shocked expression; I wondered how long it would take him to confidently speak. I kept my features straight, hoping that would help in believing my honesty.

"Seriously?" He flustered, shaking his head. "Fourteen? Are the British cops insane?"

I took a pause. "Cooper, baby, the part of my life involving Alex is just as far-fetched as Alex's himself, probably more; if you don't want to hear it, say so." I was unsure as to whether I'd pushed the boat out a bit too far already. Could he really handle what I was about to admit to him? I couldn't deal with the problems myself, how would I feel with him knowing?

He hesitated. "How the hell did he get a gig like that?" I noticed how he'd avoided my request. He wanted to know more.

"His uncle adopted him when he was a kid, and Alex found out later that he was also training him for the service. His uncle was killed when he was fourteen and he was about to be taken in by his house keeper when MI6 blackmailed him into doing a mission that only someone of his subtlety could manage. When he succeeded beyond their expectations, they kept him." Explaining Alex's life story was so complicated and I hoped I was doing a good job at diluting it. "I'd not seen him since I was fifteen when he turned up on Saturday."

Cooper nodded, encouraging me to continue although not speaking. "I remember the time he was with my family in France…" I sighed, burying my chin momentarily, and then turning back to him. His eyes were so intuitive as they stared into mine, looking for that glint that would warn him of my lying. He wouldn't find one. I sort of wished I was lying; the story was that unreal at times. "He'd already told me about his life, if only briefly." I smiled. "I didn't believe him to begin with. But one thing led to another, and he ended up on a different mission after disappearing from the holiday house."

"Where did he go?"

I shook my head. "I'm not sure. France was… a difficult time for my family. It was the second time that Alex had come on holiday with us and my parents liked him. It started one sunny day when we were sunbathing. He vanished off for something to drink and came back totally different. He'd gone from being so relaxed to looking over his shoulder every two minutes and it scared me. Later that day, me and Alex arrived home after a day out just talking in the town and we found that there'd been an explosion at our house. My dad was seriously injured and had to be taken to hospital. Alex went all quiet. He insisted that there hadn't been a gas leak, like the police claimed was the problem, but someone bombing the house in a targeted attack. I got quiet angry with him and ended up leaving him so I could go to the hospital with my family. The police said they'd been looking after him for us, but he'd gone for a walk and never came back. I didn't hear from him for another week or so."

"What does all this have to do with you?" Cooper's fingers, intertwined with mine, squeezed gently, showing his gentle encouragement. "Why would he get you involved?"

"He didn't have a choice. When I saw him again, we sat down and he talked for about an hour, telling me everything that had happened to him so far. He tried to take me to the headquarters of MI6 because I made it obvious I didn't quite believe him. His agency didn't back him up, pretending they didn't exist, so, at the time, I accused him of immaturity and walked away from him, thinking I'd never see him again. I vowed that I wasn't going to get engrossed in his world again; I didn't want all the drama that his mind seemed to create.

"A few days after, I was visiting my dad in the hospital for the first time and I got lost." I sighed, looking down and closing my eyes. "I was _so_ stupid…" I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as I tried to explain the experience I'd spent so long blocking out. "I… I found the nearest doctor I could and asked for directions. The guy told me he was going the same way, so I followed him. He chatted to me really naturally and… and… he had a white coat and a…" I gesticulated to my neck. "Stethoscope with him. I just… I can't believe I could be that brainless! It was so dumb…" I felt his arm take my shoulder to reassure me. He wouldn't judge me; I was sure. "He led me to an ambulance bank and… and there was someone waiting." It was strange to be attempting to be remember the events that took place on that day. "They drugged me and I was taken away in the ambulance. The injection only paralysed me; I was aware of everything that was happening."

As I had a pause, Cooper took to holding me. I leant back against the car door, and he shimmied across the hand brake to share my seat. I rested my head against his shoulder and cried. I knew he'd heard my blubbering when his touch tightened and he twisted to kiss my hair. "Sabina…" He rubbed his hands across my arms and shook me very gently in a calming gesture. "Sab, it's ok. Maybe we should leave it there?" There was hesitation behind his words and in his gaze.

"No." I said, shaking my head. "If you're ever going to know the full story, I'm only going to have to think about it all over again. I'd rather get it all out in the open now so that I never have to remember it all over." My voice sounded croaked, but he nodded and fell silent as he continued to soothe my trembling body. I swallowed. "I had no idea where they were taking me. I'd been driven for about an hour before we stopped. I recall wondering if they intended on switching the ambulance; it didn't exactly blend in with the everyday traffic on the roads, but they didn't. We'd arrived at the house and I was carried inside where I came face to face with the man Alex claimed had had my father blown up. All the pieces seemed to slot into place and I realised what a big mistake I'd made. Damian Cray – I'm not sure if you'll know him, he might not have been too famous over here-"

Cooper gave a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, he damn well was. That charity guy, right? Performing to raise money for Asian kids? Wow, didn't he die in a freak plane accident when he was flying out to Malaysia?"

"Not quite…" I sighed. "He wasn't all that nice a man actually. He wasn't too polite when I stayed with him, although, it's safe to say I gave as good as I got." I half smiled at the slight discomfort I'd caused my captor. "Alex came for me after only a few days of my being imprisoned. Cray was trading my life for a device important for his scheme. Alex had managed to steal it, forcing Cray to take action against Alex's guilty side." That brief event in my time with Damian Cray, with Alex and the Russian man in the lounge… with the kitchen scissors, was one of the scariest periods in my entire life so far. I've never felt so incredibly helpless and worthless in the whole of my existence. I didn't think Cooper needed to hear the gory details any more than I wanted to speak them aloud. Both Cray and the Russian man were dead; the events of that room would be a secret me and Alex would share between us until the day we both died. A morbid thought that, strangely, filled me with a strong sense of gratitude for Alex that I'd not realised had been present for a while. "Alex came for me, he brought the gadget the Cray wanted and he tried to rescue me." I took a break to have a deep breath.

"Alex tried to get me free without giving in, at first, saying that if they let me go to a hotel or something then ring him to tell him I was safe, he'd hand the machine over. Cray didn't bite and… eventually _convinced_ Alex to reconsider."

"Huh?" Cooper's voice still sounded curious, but he wouldn't hear anymore about Alex's decision this time. "How the hell did Cray manage that? Alex isn't stupid, why would he give in?"

"He was pushed… he tried, though." I averted my eyes, staring down at my hands.

"Oh." Realisation came into Cooper's face and he didn't push the subject any further.

I nodded, extending my fingers to clasp his. "Yeah. I don't really wanna talk about it. That wasn't the end though, and Alex had known it wouldn't've been. Cray told us about what the device did and how he was intending on using it to shoot missiles at numerous third world countries internationally to stop the production of drugs. He was insane…"

He sighed, twisting my body to face him and holding me closely. "Sabina, it's ok." He shuffled, turning the lock on the door beside us. I was halfway wondering if he was concerned the door wouldn't hold our weight, when he inclined my chin to face him. I could feel the tear stains down my cheeks and knew I'd look hideous. "It's over now, isn't it? Is that why you had to move out here?"

"Sort of… my family were nearly as shook up as I was, and when my dad was offered a journalism job out in California, he took it without a second thought. We all wanted to get away from the memories and start anew. There was more, though…" I wanted to carry on, to get it all out in the open, but Cooper placed his hand on the back of my head and pressed my face into his shoulder.

"No, Sabina, I think you need to stop." He cooed.

"Baby, I can't. I thought you wanted to know?"

"So did I… I didn't think it was this… big, I guess. I'm sorry I made you talk about it, it's obviously upsetting you." He took hold of my shoulders and made me really look at him. "I only want you to do one thing for me, can you do that?" He seemed to go back into his baby voice, making sure I heard him correctly. I nodded and waited for him to continue. "If any of this ever troubles or distresses you again, I want you to tell me. Seeing you like this, it hurts me, babe. I never want to have to witness you reminiscing this alone, do you understand me?"

I had to think twice about what he'd just asked. If I ever happened to feel down and out about my past experiences again, he wanted to me to speak to him about it. Even though he didn't know the full story, he wanted me to be happy, so he'd listen. I nodded again, never taking my eyes away from his, and smiled. "I love you. Thank you so much."

He didn't speak another word, he just held my gaze. The moments were comfortable as we simply stared and did nothing more. We didn't have many splashes of time like this together, so we both wanted to take advantage. I could remember the first time he'd stared at me with those eyes, and it'd been our first kiss.

_Cooper and I had been seeing one another for a while now, maybe a few weeks, but all we seemed to do was talk. I was content with our relationship so far; I just wondered whether it was only me that wanted to take it further. He rang me almost every night and we'd be on the phone for hours. We'd been out to eat a couple of times, but it was difficult in restaurants because he'd always offer to pay and I didn't like it. _

_It was half nine in the evening and my day had been hellish. I'd been working since ten this morning and I was so ready for my bed, it was almost ridiculous. I didn't mind that I was always the first person Hailey came to for overtime or cover shifts, but eleven and half hours? I was getting ready to shoot myself when the old man with his wife complained that his peas were 'the wrong shade of green'. The last portion of the night, Cooper had been in, so when I'd had my mental break down after I'd written an order slip in the wrong colour pen and the chef had shouted at me, he'd been there to sort my head out, if only for a few seconds. I was in dire need of a good nights sleep. _

_"Are you finally going home?" I heard Cooper's angel voice from behind me as I drew my coat over my shoulders. _

_I nodded, concentrating on filling my pockets with my valuables; it wouldn't be the first time I'd forgotten them and had to walk back again to get my phone. "Yes, and I'm _soooo_ glad."_

_"You did really good today, Sab, I know it's been a hard day for you." He smiled. "Why do you agree to such stupid shifts?"_

_His impish grin ironed onto my mind; I smiled back in his direction. His eyes looked so… respectful as they stared at me in a way I'd never seen before. My face went blank for a minute. In reply to his previous question, I didn't think he'd accept my money problems as an explanation. If I'm honest, I worked so much because I was lonely. My apartment was quite big for just me living there. I was considering getting a house mate. I didn't think he'd believe that either; I decided to save it for another conversation at a different time. _

_"What can I say? I'm just generally lacking in common sense." Poking fun at yourself is the only way to get through insanity, in my opinion. _

_"Well, yeah." I hadn't realised that he'd got closer to me and was standing only a foot or so away, moving more proximal with the passing moments. His gaze continued to penetrate my face and I started to twist my hands over one another in my insecurity. _

_"What?" I asked, curious about his stare. "Have I done something?"_

_He chuckled, shaking his head. "Nahh, it's me, I should've done something and I haven't."_

_"Oh, right, ok." I turned back to the small locker we used for valuables and checked I'd not left anything, but was surprised to feel his hands touch my right hip. I only had to incline my neck slightly to the left to get an eye full of his solemn face, only inches from mine. _

_"No, Sabina, I'm serious." His voice was low and matched the way he was looking at me completely. The moment was almost perfect as he cleared the small gap between us and kiss me ever so lightly. "I should have done that a while ago, and now I have."_

It was strange to think about mine and Cooper's relationship that far back in time. We'd come such a long way over the last year and a half that I couldn't possibly manage to think how I'd lived without him.

As he had done back then, he moved slowly towards me as his eyes studied me a little bit more. I was sure of myself as I stretched my own lips towards his and felt his kiss with a different surprise as I had to our first. His urgency wasn't as pronounced as it usually was and he deepened the kiss slower than normal. I felt his skin at the back of my head and twisted my neck to let him know it was ok. As his mouth parted and he changed the direction of our heads, I felt the resolve return to the kiss, his determination to make me happy.

"Sabina," He breathed my name, moving his lips back to mine briefly and speaking again. "I need to ask you something; will you promise not to overreact?" He didn't wait for my reply, but I knew what he was going ask before he'd even muttered a word. "Baby, I love you with every part of my body, and what you've just said… it's beyond words; I can't believe your trust in me and… I don't know, I've wanted to ask you this for a few months, and now, it seems right." His forehead leant against mine and I could feel the air coming from his lungs in my own gawping mouth. "Sabina Pleasure, will you marry me?"


	12. Decisions

**A/n: Hello! So, it's been slightly longer than a week, but, as promised, here is chapter 12 (:  
I'm getting close to 100 reviews which is brilliant, I can't wait for that milestone... As always, I'd love to know what you think, reader, so give us a bell. Just 'I like it' would be great. Helps me get that bit closer and inspires me a little (:  
I'm putting out a language warning on this. Ok, so it's only like one, maybe two, words, but if I don't say it and someone's offended, I'm screwed (:  
Also, I'd like to make a public thanks to Nyxelestia (I hope that's spelt right :S) because she's practically my co-writer. She always pms me to give me some ideas, inspiration and the vital information I shouldn't miss out. Also, she flames me, which, I think anyway, is an essential in writing a story, so you know where to do better. So... yeah, thank you!! (:  
You'll probably all go "Ohhh, she's doing it again!" But I'm not totally sure about this chapter: I think it reads a little clumsy and I feel it's a little rushed, but I hope it's ok anyway (:  
Finally, another thing is that hopefully the next chapter will be where the action starts. I realise it's taken a while, but the next few chapters should be where it starts to get interesting for those hardcore Alex Rider fans. If not the next chapter, then definitely the one after! (: Forewarnig for you all there ;)****  
So, yeah, thanks for reading and I'll try and get the next one up soon, but unfortunately, school is taking over my life, so it might be a week or so. Thanks for the patience, guys!**

_Decisions_

Cooper's eyes weren't the only part of him that was shaking gently as he held my gaze for a few long, and strangely painful, moments before I found my voice.

"Mmm…" I gave a small moan, showing him a twisted facial expression. How did he want me to react to a question like that? His face became hurt, so I continued quickly, wrapping and locking my arms around his neck. "I want to say yes, baby; honestly, I want nothing more than to call you my husband… but, I don't know, is now the right time?"

He paused, not replying instantly. "If you really loved me, anytime would feel right. How can you just lie about how much you care for me?"

He made an attempt to pull away, but I refused. Absentmindedly, I twirled a small strand of his hair around on my fingers. The movement was affectionate, but I doubted, feeling how he was feeling, he would notice. "I'm not lying." I said, simply, hesitating for a few moments more before I spoke again. "Why are you asking me this today - now?" I tried to glance him in the eyes, but the look of pain and pure devastation present on his face made me avert my vision. The last time he'd given me that expression, I'd thought I could've promised him anything just to see him smile again.

It'd been my twenty-second birthday, for which I'd invited and entertained just short of twenty-five people at my favourite restaurant in the main town.

_Idly, I wondered why it never felt any different to turn a year older. All I could think was that I was now a whole twelve months closer to turning thirty. What a scary thought…_

_My twenty-first, the previous year, had been one to remember. Becoming a legal drinker in the US is quite an achievement, and I'd celebrated in style. At the time, I was just about to complete my final compulsory qualifications at school, after missing a few years and having to catch up on my education. The friends I had at my school were all too young to celebrate in town with me, so I'd taken to clubbing with a few friends I had who could, then having a house party for those who couldn't. It was safe to say I'd had a hangover after that weekend. _

_This birthday was my first whilst living in Scottsdale and I wanted to make it count. For my family, I was gathering my friends and close family in a small restaurant in the town. After we'd eaten and socialised a little bit, I intended on sending my mum and dad back to my apartment with my keys and venturing into the clubs nearby for a memorable night. When my parents had asked if they could live with us for a few days, I'd been more than happy to put them up. It had worked out well, with Cooper and I vacating our room for them and sharing the single bed in the spare room. We were enjoying the close sleeping arrangement, although, neither of us seemed to be getting that much rest. _

_They'd arrived a couple of days prior to my actual birthday to help sort out the restaurant preparation and to do a little site seeing. Arizona is a beautiful and scenic state; the weather's always nice and the people are so comforting, it makes you want to be one of them. They'd also been made up to see Cooper again. He'd finally met my parents only a month or so ago, but they'd got on so well that my mum was elated we were still together, my dad didn't even make any sort of comment about our house sharing at such an early stage. _

_The day had been slow so far; probably because, even on my birthday, I had a three hour day at university, then a four hour shift at work. Cooper had driven me to university for nine o'clock, and I'd finished work around six. I was absolutely shattered already, and I'd not even started. _

_My birthday had come at the perfect time for me, too; my car, a decrepit and ancient Ford Taurus, had passed on only a few days ago and I was hoping I could raise enough birthday money to afford another budget vehicle. I didn't drive my car much; everything in town was so close and sometimes it was nice to walk, but it was always nice to have the option. _

_Me and my parents arrived at the restaurant with about half an hour to set up. My mum had bought some balloons and something to blow them up, and my dad was simply arranging the tables, pushing in the chairs and stuff. Cooper was meeting us here in a few minutes, after he'd run home to get changed out of his work clothes. I was wearing a knee length, little black dress, pulled in at the waist. Cooper had picked it from a selection I'd got from the wardrobe earlier today. _

_"Sab, where do you want the balloons?" I heard my mum shout, grateful we'd got a private room. Arranging this could be embarrassing in a public place. I gave her a long look, wondering what my options were. "On the floor or on the tables, which do you prefer?"_

_I shrugged, tugging at my hair with a small comb; it wasn't going to agree with me today. Which ever way I tried to force it, it fought me back. "The floor." I finally said, continuing with my explanation. "If they're on the tables, I won't be able to see people."_

_My mum nodded quickly, tottering off to busy herself with the decorations. I turned my head towards an ornamental mirror on one wall so I could sort out my hair. Aside from having 'La Bella Vita' tattooed in deep purple across my face, I didn't look too bad. I was just going to have to put up with my hair; it wasn't going to let me do anything with it. _

_My mum was back shortly after I'd admitted defeat, swerving her way around the table, but still talking to me. _

_"Where's Cooper? He's invited tonight, right?" She didn't really look at me, but concentrated on changing and rearranging the cutlery. _

_I scoffed at the thought of trying to keep a potential birthday party a secret from my boyfriend, who I consequently lived with. "'Course he is." I confirmed, thinking I might have already told her this information, but repeating it for her anyway. "He had work until about six, so he's gone home to get a shower and he should be here any minute."_

_As if on cue, Cooper's panting and puffing figure swiftly joined us from the main restaurant room. He shouldered off his casual-smart jacket and laid it across a nearby chair. "Sabina, can I talk to you?" He was breathing heavily. _

_I nodded. "Sure." He didn't hang about; he simply grabbed at my hand and walked me into a corner at the opposite end of the room to my parents' tidying bodies. I looked at him with serious and sombre eyes. "Baby, what's wrong? Did you sprint here or something? You sound exhausted!"_

_He took another inhale before he spoke. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He discarded my concern, launching, and verbally stumbling in the process, into the story of his day. "Just, er, after you left; when you went home… Uh, I was only minding my own business, right? And… and… Vanessa comes into the diner, and… and she tells me she's still interested."_

_Vanessa. Urgh. How I hate that name. Vanessa was in the year above me at my university and she was six foot of complete confidence and snobbery. She was Cooper's ex-girlfriend, and she'd never let me forget that fact. She had her ears in the right places, and never missed an opportunity to get a jab at me. So far, I'd tried my best to ignore her constant advances on my boyfriend, and saucy texts that grinded my bones, but sometimes her taunting got the better of me. She'd never come close to breaking us up, but she'd caused me many a sleepless night after Cooper had had to reassure me that he loved me. Over the past few weeks, she'd not been that much of a problem for us. Her contact had decreased and Cooper was adamant she'd moved on; I wasn't that hopeful. This conversation was about to realise my worst nightmares. _

_"Oh." I tried to make light of my anger towards the stupid girl. "Did she…" I didn't even try to intone my voice to pretend I was interested. Cooper knew how I felt, and, usually, shared my sentiments almost exactly. "And?"_

_He shook his head. "C'one, Sab, babe, don't be ridiculous. Me and Nessa broke up for good and it's not gonna happen."_

_"Nessa? Then why are you mentioning it?" I interrupted, trying to throw questions that he couldn't answer at him. "I thought she'd left you alone…" _

_He nodded. "So did I." He sighed, leaving the silence to develop for a few moments. _

_"Baby, listen…" I gripped one elbow with my other hand and pulled it against my side. I couldn't believe I was about to say this. "If you still…" I swallowed, avoiding his gaze. "_Want_ her… I won't take it personally… well, I will, but still, you're a grown man, Cooper, and I don't want you to stay with me if you're not totally sure _you_ want to."_

_I didn't want to look up… to see him looking at me. But I had to. I raised my eyes to take in his on me. I'd never seen his features quite like this. His eyes held a sense of… desperation about them, like he couldn't comprehend the words that were coming from my mouth. His mouth gaped, overwhelmed and confused. I longed to apologise to him for saying anything, to tell him I could sense that we'd live our lives together… Anything; but I couldn't. _

_As I continued to stare at him, trying to understand his facial expression, he touched the skin at my arms, releasing my tight grasping and holding them affectionately. _

_"Honestly?" He made the word seem like a question. I didn't have an answer._

We didn't break up. Cooper told Vanessa his outlook on the situation and, luckily, she received a sports scholar ship a month or so later that meant she moved to North Utah. He'd not heard anything from her for at least half a year and I didn't encourage him to keep in touch. As far as I was concerned, that panic had been averted. This proposal panic, however, hadn't. I couldn't promise him the world today because there was a lot he didn't know. I'd regret it.

"Please, baby, please don't do this to me." I took a deep breath, and turned back to his gawping mouth and wide eyes. "Cooper, I love you _so_ much, but I think this is wrong. Under different circumstances, my answer would be easy, and it would be yes, but… with Alex here… I mean, how can you be sure you're not just asking because of him?"

He paused for a few seconds, I guessed weighing me up in his mind. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Sabina, I'm not… I'm not asking as a spur-of-the-moment thing, I'm deadly serious. I want to spend my life with you, and the fact that Alex is here doesn't change that truth. If-if you don't want to marry me, then you only have to say so… and I'll leave."

How the hell did he expect me to respond to that?

I threw my head back into the head rest and sighed. "Your timing is so _you_." I said, commenting on his blasé outlook on our relationship.

When I thought it through, however, I couldn't help but think I was wrong. He'd just asked me to marry him; not at all a relaxed viewpoint on a sexual relationship. Jesus H. Christ…

He gave me a confused glare. "What do you mean?" he leant away from me, putting pressure of the car door. I wondered whether he'd shuffle away from me to put some distance between us. He didn't at first, but there was still time.

"Cooper… urgh!" I groaned. "I _want_ to marry you… more than anything, I wish I could say yes… but… baby," I hesitated, deciding that the best medicine for the hurt I was causing him right now would be the truth…the only question was: which truth was best for him? If I told him that we could be having a baby, how would he react? So far, I'd been confident he'd be ok with it, but what if he surprised me? What if he didn't want that? On the other hand, if I told him about me and Alex, would he hate me? I was relatively sure he would resent my infidelity, but would he dump me? I wanted to be with him, but I was hiding so much from him… I hardly thought it was right that I could accept his proposal when there was so much I wasn't telling him. "I think I might be pregnant." I decided that truth was better said now, and then maybe he could understand why I was so hesitant to reply to his proposal.

His face dropped, his mouth opening wider than I thought possible. I heard him mutter a small string of profanities before he focussed and spoke to me. His eyes concentrated on me so intensely, I wondered whether he'd cracked. "Oh my… really?" He stuttered.

I nodded, taking one of his hands in both of mine in the hope he'd take the news calmly.

"You mean… we… you're having a baby?" _We,_ I thought, but didn't respond again to let him come round in his own time. "God…" His gaze looked past me for a moment, then he came back to me. "How long have you known?" I had a strange sense of déjà vu from earlier this morning when Alex had asked me the same questions.

I sighed again. "A few days… Cooper, I'm not sure yet, but being pregnant would explain how I've been feeling and the strange things that have been happening to me over the last couple of weeks." He gave me a blank look which I took as a sign to continue. "Well, I've been _so_ tired over the last week, which, I think, will be the hormones catching up with me; I've been having these weird dreams; and I'm late by about a week. It all points towards a baby."

"But…" Cooper looks incredibly distressed, shaking his head from side to side as he tried to make sense of what I was saying. "How can you be pregnant? I thought we were careful…" He didn't continue with his stammering, but looked at me with a long and stern stare. I knew what he was wordlessly asking.

"There's no one else. It's yours."

"Shit…" He raised his hand to cradle the side of his head.

"Baby, I know it's a shock, but… I-I thought you'd be ok – happy, maybe, even. I don't know; perhaps I misjudged it…" I tried to explain how I'd thought he would react, but it all seemed so stupid now. His response shouldn't have surprised me, but it did.

"No, Sabina, honestly… I'm made up; I just can't believe it… I've imagined having a family with you, but not until we were a few more years in, with a house and full time jobs… I don't know – can we can handle it?"

He didn't look away from me as he spoke, making me squirm from being in the spotlight. I gave a small nod. "We'll have to."

He stared at me for a moment longer, finally giving a decisive nod of his head. "That settles it then."

He didn't seem to want to talk again, but I didn't understand what he'd meant by his last declarative. "It settles what?"

Staring at me in a judgemental sort of way, he spoke from one side of his mouth, lowering his voice. "If the fact of the matter is that we're going to be parents, I think we need to seriously consider getting married as soon as possible." Somewhere, deep down, I'd known he'd do this. His parents, second to being nice in welcoming me to the family, were very old fashioned in their mannerisms and actions. Their influence on Cooper was stronger than he liked to admit.

"Hmm…" I groaned again, squashing up my mouth into a ruminating expression. "I don't know, baby, I think we're being a bit rash about the whole thing…"

"Sabina." He used my name to stop my speech altogether. I hated when he did that; he knew it always worked. "I don't know about you, but for me, this is love. Out of all the relationships I've been through in my life… this is – I'm not… it's just… the real thing, I guess. I can tell everyday when I wake up to your smile, when I'm glad that you're the one lying next to me and not anyone else. I wanna spend my life with you… and I thought you felt the same." He paused. "And the baby doesn't change the way I feel about you – if anything, it makes me think we should make it official sooner."

As he finished his small persuasion, he simply stared at me and let the silence develop between the two of us. It wasn't awkward; it just found me contemplating my possible responses to his admissions of love for me and acceptance of our potential child. As I'd originally guessed, he had been elated that I might be pregnant, but I hadn't even considered that he'd think that marriage would be our clearest path forward. He'd been brought up believing that a baby needed support from both parents, which, to a certain extent, I reflected was right. But his parents had also taught him that bringing up a child meant the parents needed to be joint in matrimony in order to set an example. This, I didn't really deem correct. Sure, children should be raised in a loving environment, where the parents didn't disagree too much and they felt like they were comfortable, but where was this necessity for marriage? If the parents were either in love and in a functional relationship, or on speaking terms in order to protect the child's naivety, why must they have signed a piece of paper that called them man and wife?

Maybe it was just me, but that didn't make sense in my mind.

As much as I wanted to speak my views to Cooper, I didn't see much point. I'd have to express my opinions on his hurried proposal at some point, I didn't think now would be right; he'd only argue and refuse my beliefs. Instead, I thought of a compromise.

I bent my neck forwards to kiss him lightly. "Look, I love you, honestly, I do. And I want to marry you, but… but just think about this, ok?" He held my eyes but didn't speak. I took this as my cue to continue. "I'm gonna talk more to you about this later, because I don't think we need to right now, but…" I looked down at my hands, intertwined with his on my lap. Would I regret this? "Yes. Yes, I will marry you…" A huge grin spread across his face in less time than it took me to blink. I gave a small smile back, but carried on with my proviso. "…if you can take my acceptance as a commitment to you. By that, I mean, help me to help Alex out. I know it's awkward cos he's a man and all that… but by me saying I want to marry you, could you be slightly more hospitable while he's staying with us?" His face melted slightly. I knew I'd be ruining his moment; yet again.

His smile was still highly prominent at his lips as he nodded slowly and took my waist in his hands. "Anything for you, babe." He hugged me for a long time before I felt we'd been sat in our cramped car for too long.

"I think we should… go inside." I muttered, trying to avoid his gaze as naturally as I could. Had I really got engaged to Cooper after sleeping with Alex the previous night? Oh my God… how could I do this to Cooper? It definitely wasn't that it'd never crossed my mind, I was just too selfish a person to tell him right now… He was so happy – and I was the one causing him to be so over the moon about our marriage. I _did_ want to be with him, but there was no way I'd let the engagement go too far without enlightening him. He deserved to know, even if it broke his heart. I couldn't lie to him for much longer.

Cooper struggled over the hand brake and back into his chair, reaching behind his seat for his college stuff, scattered out from the folder from his fast driving. I got out and locked my door before circling the car and waiting for him to join me.

He took my hand as we slowly climbed the stairs to the second floor. He spoke animatedly, telling me about how his instructor at college was forcing him to take a lesson in further teaching, but he wasn't interested. I tried to encourage where I thought I should, but my mind was elsewhere.

As we approached our door, I realised I'd left the keys inside with Alex this morning. I relayed this information to Cooper whilst I knocked; hoping Alex hadn't gone out. Surely he wouldn't be stupid enough to lock us out?

No one answered the first time, so I rapped my fist harder against our door for the second time.

"Maybe he's got the radio on or something?" Cooper offered, holding his folder securely in one hand and using the other to bang loudly on the walls. He knew the technique. I'd locked him out in the past when I'd had a CD on a little too loud.

I nodded, wondering why he'd be playing the radio when he was using his day off to contemplate espionage regarding my university. Wouldn't he want the quiet to help him concentrate? "He might be in the shower or something; you know how old that bloody thing is…" I'd been meaning to replace it for months.

"Did we try the door?" Cooper asked dumbly. He realised how he must have sounded. "Well, y'know, if he'd known we'd be coming home soon, maybe he'd have left it open in case he couldn't hear."

I had to admit, it was logical – sort of. I reached out a hand, curious as to whether, in his line of work, he actually would leave a door unlocked. I reached my hand out to the knob and twisted. The door opened effortlessly to our relatively tidy apartment. The table had an empty crisp packet and a plate left, but, other than that, there was no evidence that Alex had been here today.

I dropped my bag on the sofa and ventured further through the hallway to look for Alex.

Initially, I couldn't hear him, but he could be anywhere. I held my ear against the bathroom door, wondering if he really was in the shower, but I was greeted by silence.

"Hello? Alex?" I shouted, checking the door to find that it, too, was open. He wasn't inside. My brow furrowed as I thought about where he could've gone. Next I checked his bedroom, announcing my presence before hand to make sure he was decent. He wasn't in there, either. I only check a few more rooms before I came to a conclusion.

Alex was gone.


	13. Certainty

**A/n: Right. Hello (:  
I'm so sorry it's been such a long time, but my excuse is the same as usual. Real life. A level exams. Drinking. So on and so forth. So yeah. Sorry!  
Just a chance to say I reply to all reviews so please get in touch, I'd love to hear from you. (: Also, the next update might not be for a while cos my actual exams (which will decide if I go to uni) are in like a week, it's really not good, since I haven't even started revising yet. In case you didn't realise; I don't really care about school ;)  
S'all good. Thanks to Iamawsome for getting my arse into gear. Much appreciated. (: So yeah (again) enjoy, and get in touch! x**

_Certainty_

"Have you seen Alex?" I asked, moving swiftly through into the kitchen to find Cooper hovering with the fridge open. Trust him to be thinking of his stomach.

He twisted at his neck to stare at me and shake his head. Thinking about it, what a stupid question to ask. Of course he wouldn't have. I fought the urge to slap my forehead at my own idiocy. He returned his attention to the contents of our refrigerator whilst I strode over to the couch to search through my bag. I began to scroll through my list of contacts and numbers on my cell, when I realised I didn't ever have Alex's number. Did he even have a phone number? There really was no end to my intellect today.

"He's not here?" I heard Cooper question and turned my head towards him.

"No…" I said, trailing off and looking intently at my phone. "Well, he's not in the bathroom, nor his room, or, believe it or not, the utility room. I don't know where he is…" I counted off the rooms on my fingers. "I was going to call him, but he never gave me a number to contact him. I don't understand where he could have got to."

Cooper nodded, walking the distance of the room to stand before me. "Sab…" He smiled timidly, holding my shoulders gently. "I know it's hardly a good time, but don't you think… its right? You and me both need to know the score with this 'baby' stuff."

Idly flipping my phone open and closed using my chin, crossing my arms, I held his gaze to show him my own steady eyes. After a few moments in which we both simply stared at one another, I nodded. I stretched up onto my tiptoes to peck his jaw before tossing my mobile onto the sofa and strolling with purpose across the hall to the bathroom.

The test sat, almost taunting me, as I opened the cabinet above the sink and reached up to the top shelf to retrieve it. I laid it next to the left hand tap and watched it for a second. Unbelievably, it did nothing.

Shaking my head to bring me back to reality, I glanced my reflection in the mirror and sighed, turning and power-walking into the bedroom.

I sank my ass down into the bed and held my head in my hands. I couldn't believe I was about to do a pregnancy test. At twenty-two years old… and I was pregnant… bloody hell.

Raising my head, my eyes caught sight of my bedside table. On it was a regular sized picture frame, complimenting a six-month old photo of me and Cooper. It had been taken the last time we'd visited my parents in California. My mum had gone crazy for the 'new' tourist attraction about an hour from their house and insisted we follow them to see the South Los Angeles Zoo. If I'm honest, that day had been a complete disaster, but it had been fun. The picture was taken before the action had begun. The weather was _amazing_, forcing me to don on my summer gear; shorts and sunglasses. We'd trailed them in the car and tried to arrive with high hopes.

It was plain to see that, back then, the zoo was new. There were barely any exhibits open, due to the zoo's management still awaiting the delivery of half of their animals. I'd tried to make the best of a bad situation, and it wasn't difficult; what with my mother's constant hyperactivity and excitement to be visiting the zoo again. She'd loved it.

The picture was taken under a palm tree by the lion cage. Those mammals had arrived and Cooper'd been in awe to see them. I'd settled down into a bench and, eventually, he'd joined me. My parents still thought highly of my boyfriend and had insisted on taking a photograph of us. It was a close up, leaning sideways against one another. I was smiling broadly as Cooper's face was inclined towards my cheek with his lips outstretched in a posed kiss. I loved the photograph a lot. As soon as my parents had sent it to me via email, I'd framed it and laid it proudly next to our bed. I thought it expressed us well.

I gave a small, sad smile as I studied the picture six months on. _Jesus_. Here we were, now, we were engaged. I'd not known this would happen that half a year ago. We'd pledged to get married, and we may even be parenting a child. What would I have thought back then? Would I have been happy; glad I would be going through all these bumps in the road with Cooper by side? Or would I have laughed? Yes. Yes, I would've. I'd've laughed, long and loud, and said that I'd never been in that situation, that I knew what I was doing and how I was going to do it. What a joke.

"Sabina?" Cooper's holler took me by surprise, his head popped round the door. He took in my hunched over body with a frown. "What's wrong?" He walked with an incredible slowness, as if I were a rabbit or something that might run away with any sudden movements, into the room, sitting delicately next to me and putting an arm across my shoulders.

My voice was low and almost non-existent as I replied. "I'm just…" I was struggling to find the right words. "I was… looking at that picture." I told him, lamely, pointing. "Look a-at how happy we were…" My words trailed off.

He nodded. "Oh." He rubbed my skin, soothing, as I let my head fall into his neck.

We both started to talk at the same time, and stopped simultaneously. I laughed. "You go first." I offered, pulling back to stare at him. He shook his head, so I continued. "I'm… s-scared." My tone seemed to fall as I spoke, all remnants of my previous smile gone. "I don't think… I can h-handle this." By the time I'd finished, I was practically whispering. His grip on me tightened and he twisted my shoulders so that I was leaning into his embrace. For a few moments, I remained there and said nothing. Eventually, I reached my arms up around his back and held him back. I couldn't afford to make him mad at me now, not when I needed him more than ever.

He nuzzled my collar bones as he spoke. "I know… I'm afraid too, but we've gotta carry on. There's nothing else we can do."

I sat up, swaying slightly from the fresh tears forming in my eyes. I nodded. "Yes." I wiped my sleeve across my eyes, embarrassed that my hormones had apparently got the better of me again. "Yeah, you're right. Let's get this over with." I smiled, grasping at his fingers and standing up.

Walking steadily back through into the bathroom, I dragged him by the hand all the way to the door, where I stopped. I faced him, looking up into his deep ocean and serious eyes, holing both his hands into my chest.

"I wanna do this alone…" I began, my own face a mirror, in terms of expression, with his. "Is-is that ok?"

He stared at me for a long few seconds before he nodded, a sad smile taking his lips. "Sure, I'll be right out here. Let me know when you're ready." He leant his upper body down to me, releasing his hands from my hold and wrapping them around my back. I nestled into his hug for the moment, taking any excuse happily to put off what I was about to do.

When he started the kiss, it was slow. It was the sort that didn't have to be overly energetic to still be intimate. His mouth moved with mine awfully leisurely, as if he had all the time in the world. I appreciated his attempt to calm me, especially by relieving any stress I was feeling, but I knew that the more I postponed this, the more terrified I'd become. I couldn't ignore it any longer.

It was me that pulled back; and it took a great effort. His face filled my vision and I gazed at his still pouted face. I dropped my touch on him and nodded, a sad and surrendering nod.

He let me go, after a stare, so I mooched inside and locked the door behind me. I hoped I hadn't offended him by asking for some space. I knew he'd want to be next to me when we found out, but I needed to be alone. To react how ever I pleased, to cry if I wanted to. I couldn't with him watching over to me, emanating happiness and pride. His feedback to either side of the news would probably make me cry anyway, regardless of whether I was on my own. Oh well.

I'd got myself into this mess; I was going to have to see it through.

* * *

It took me a grand total of about ten minutes. The box advised putting aside about three to five minutes to take the test, but I was shaking so uncontrollably, I almost spilled all over the floor twice and dropped the test more times than I could count.

Eventually, I managed to steady my hand for long enough to pour a small amount of my own urine onto the strip marked with an _S_. Sound disgusting? It wasn't exactly fun for me either…

The instructions informed you wait about three minutes then check the little screen for the result.

Those had to be the longest, most silent few minutes of my life.

I sat on the closed toilet seat, leaving the test leant up against the tap again, and waited. My eyes wandered around the bathroom, finding details of the small room that I'd never taken the time to notice. The roof was actually a hell of a lot higher than I'd actually thought and the colour of the walls helped keep the room bright and airy.

It was at times like these, and they didn't happen all that frequently, that you start to take note of the things that have been there all along.

The way that mine and Cooper's moisturiser and cream bottles were aligned along the sink side was a pattern. Green-blue-green-blue. I'd never realised.

My vision creeping further along the walls of my bathroom, I found the bonsai plant we kept on the window sill and the memories flooded back. I watered it occasionally, but I rarely looked at it for long enough to register its significance.

It had been around eight months ago: a quiet night I'd spent in the apartment alone when Cooper had been to town with his friends for a stag party. I'd been happily relaxed into the couch with the TV on low and my eyelids slowly closing when Cooper had staggered in, absolutely knackered.

_I could hear him from outside the door. With the romcom I'd been listening to playing below regular volume, his awfully loud footsteps and moaning in the hallway were obvious. I quickly stood up and allowed him in. _

_His walk was unsteady and he slowly stumbled over to the couch, falling into the nearest seat and throwing his head back into the cushions. _

_I joined him, twisting so that I was facing him with my feet up on the sofa. I stretched for the remote and muted whatever sound was still emanating from the TV. The remote made a cracking noise as it fell back to the coffee table. "What's wrong?" I asked, wondering whether he was drunk. His eyes didn't seem to be drooping like they would have been if he'd been intoxicated, but he definitely didn't look ok. "You look awful, baby." I told him, soothingly, resting a hand on his knee._

_He nodded, taking my small fingers in his bigger palm. "Tired. Sorry." Was his only reply, his eyes closed and directed towards the ceiling. This wasn't his usual behaviour, exhausted or not. _

"_Are you sure that's all?" I prompted, curious to what had gone so wrong tonight that he'd been this worn out. _

_His face turned to me; sombre. His eyes also found my face and I could see a distance behind them. He contemplated me in silence for a while, and I didn't speak. It was only now I noticed his attire. His jeans looked creased, even around the top. His casual-smart shirt, an off-white blouse with vertical orange stripes, was also wrinkled and seemed to make him paler, rather than bringing out his tan. I took his chin in my other palm and his skin was clammy under my hand. _

"_I'm sorry, Sab." His mouth moved slowly and he spoke with his lips open wide. He appeared to be thinking through his words incredibly carefully. _

"_For what? Baby, what's happened?" I squeezed his hand. "I thought you'd been looking forward to tonight? Did the guys go without you or something?" _You look rough…_ I added mentally, but didn't voice. I'm sure he wouldn't've appreciated the reference to alcohol. _

_Again, he took to staring at me. This time I broke it. "Honestly, baby, are you ok?"_

_After a time, he shook his head, averting his eyes. "I… I can't – I've gotta tell you something."_

Oh no._ I thought. What was bothering him? It disturbed me that I couldn't read him. Usually, his expressions and body language were like a book to me, but he was so closed, like he didn't want me to even look at him. _

"_Sabina, I'm really sorry, but tonight… uh… Gary wanted to take Chad to a strip club… for his last night, I guess…" _

_My mouth dropped. It wasn't the raunchy club that upset me, I almost couldn't believe what I knew he was about to tell me. What a rat!_

"_No! Baby, it didn't mean anything!" He raised his hands to either side of his shoulders in surrender. His calming wouldn't work this time. _

"_And now you're gonna tell me that you were drunk and you don't even know her name! Are you kidding me, Cooper? You're stupid if you think you can get out of this by making up excuses." I shouted, throwing my arms into the air. Before I even knew it, I was standing, bending and staring down at him in a patronising fashion, my hands on my hips. _

_He stretched a hand up to cradle my side. He was trying his best to look sane; hence making me look like the bad guy in the argument. "Sabina, I'm serious! We didn't take it anywhere; it was just a kiss."_

"_I don't care if it was just a hug, you're still a cheat! How the hell can you justify this behaviour to your girlfriend?" He now had both hands at my waist, massaging both sides with his slender fingers. "I can't believe you! Is it me? Is it something I did? Was I not _good_ enough for you?"_

"_No!" His tone seemed to become slightly angry. I knew I was provoking him, but the majority of me didn't care. Of its own accord, my hands reached down and felt for the potted plant on the coffee table. I held the bonsai above my head, turning it over and dropping the soil and leaves all over Cooper's lap. The mud and dirt fell in front of my eyes, Cooper's hands instantly recoiling from my sides and holding out from his body in surprise. _

"_No way… You did not just do that!" His voice was raised as he stood, towering over me, the contents of his knees falling to the ground between us. "You little bitch!" He accused, getting right up into my face. _

_His features so proximal, I didn't reply. I glared at him through narrowed eyes for a few awkward seconds. _

_It took me those few moments to really think through what I'd just done. Apart from the permanent damage I'd just caused our carpet, the stains that would _never_ come out, I'd killed a perfectly innocent plant, and doused my boyfriend in muck for admitting to me he'd been unfaithful. I thought; thought hard. Would I rather him not tell me? To let us carry on under the impression that we were both totally perfect, both in our traits and for each other? No. I would not. He'd made a mistake… but he knew it. And he'd told me straight away. He'd admitted his sins, knowing I'd be angry. It must have been so difficult. I vowed I'd never be put in that situation. _

_I laughed, breaking the tense atmosphere and running one my hands into his. "You smell of dirt." I told him, smiling and trying my best to look apologetic. "I'm sorry." I began, wondering why it had suddenly become me apologising. "I overreacted. I should be thanking you for coming clean. I forgive you; can you forgive me?"_

_He wrapped his arms around my back. "Sure… I'm sorry too."_

_I tried to push him away, already feeling the soil sinking into my white shirt. "You're getting me all muddy!" I exclaimed, struggling under his grip even more fiercely. _

_He chuckled. "I know."_

"_You bloody idiot!" I shouted, jokingly. _

_He let me go and I stared down at myself, covered in second hand dirt. He stroked my arm. "Come on, let's sort this mess out."_

I sighed. Me and Cooper ended up, strangely, bonding over repotting the little bonsai, managing to save it and build on our relationship at the same time.

I really wasn't helping myself; now, my mind was filled with Alex. Would Cooper forgive me like I'd forgiven him, even though what I'd done _was _so much worse? Could he ever look at me the same again? I would definitely have to tell him, like he'd done, but would I have the guts?

Even if I chose to ignore the test, it would still be there, and I might still be pregnant. I could contemplate my own infidelity for as long as I wanted, but at the end of the day, I'd have to face the present.

Taking another deep and cleansing breath, I closed my eyes to shadow myself from the truth. After a moment of silence, I turned my head towards the sink and subjected my vision to the truth. It couldn't be pretty.

* * *

I heard Cooper's knock on the bathroom door as I held the test even closer to my face, wondering if I was reading it wrong.

"Baby, are you ok? You've been in there for, like, a half hour, now." His voice sounded anxious. I knew he'd be concerned about me, somewhere deep, deep down, but I also realised that he'd be more impatient to know the outcome more than to worry about me.

I nodded, more to myself, then staggered to the door and unlocked it. He blundered in, wrapping an arm around my side and clasping his other hand around my hand that held the test. He inclined in so he could read it too.

"What does it mean?" He asked, squinting. "Is that two blue lines, or one?"

I had to admit, the second line was very faint, almost nonexistent. "I think it's two." I said, grabbing hold of the instructions to read about the result. "'One line signifies that you are not pregnant, where as two lines mean that there is a ninety-nine-point-one per-cent chance that you are pregnant.'" I parroted. "'If the second line is light, which can be caused by low levels of human chorionic gonadotrophin present, the hormone omitted when pregnant, in the female glands, it is advised that you expend in another test to be sure of your status.'" I looked at him.

"So… you need to take _another _test?" Cooper asked, skeptical.

I nodded. "That's what it says. But, it sounds like I _am _pregnant. I must have some amount of that," I looked at the paper in one hand. "Human chorionic gonadotrophin in my fluids, so, logically, I should be pregnant." I tried to talk it through to myself, and saying it aloud helped me work through it. I said the last sentence quietly, the slow words coming from my mouth reluctantly. I held his eyes to gauge his reaction.

He smiled, much to my surprise. "Congratulations, baby." He said, hugging me tightly. I reached my own arms around him, but didn't really feel as happy as he seemed to be. He pulled back. "Oh my god…" He breathed. "Hell, we're having a baby…"

I squeezed his waist, bringing his eyes to look at me. "I need to go buy another test, though, just to be sure." Nodding, again, I started walking past him, when he stopped me.

"No." He said. "I'll go. You stay here and relax, baby, we need to look after that little one." I laughed. As if I could really look after it right now. It probably didn't even exist at the current moment. But his smile broadened, interpreting my sarcasm as joy.

"Sure, but would you do me a favor?" I didn't wait for him to say yes, I knew, after that news; he'd do anything for me. "Could you go to the Wal-Mart, we know too many people in the Food Co. and I'm not sure we should tell the world, not just yet. Let's wait a few weeks, ok?"

He gave me a long stare, but eventually agreed, giving me a steady nod. He planted a light kiss on my forehead. I may have imagined it, but I could feel his touch over my stomach. Subconsciously, my own hands laid across my abdominals. He was wasting no time with preliminaries. He was elated.

"I'll take the car." Cooper said, leaning back to hold my eyes. I was sure he could understand my reserved expression. My face was blank – not happy but not exactly upset. I didn't want him to know the uncertainty I was feeling, but I didn't want him misunderstanding my emotions.

I nodded. "Sure, don't be long, ok?" He smiled at that and departed.

I took a deep breath in the silence and isolation.

Don't get me wrong, part of me was pleased with the news. It was nice to have my suspicions confirmed, to know for definite. And the idea of having a child… nothing compared to it. Pride overcame my body and I could only look forward to the first day I noticed my bump, the first kick and the birth. I was under no illusions that I'd be the perfect mum, but I could give it a go and work on my maternal skills… maybe have another kid later on in life? I _was_ delighted; I just needed to let the shock set in.

Shuffling my feet, I stumbled into the bedroom, intending on taking a lie down before Cooper came back with the other test, when something caught my eye. I stopped dead, staring at my own reflection in the full length mirror behind the wardrobe door, gawping at the small white envelope wedged between the corner of the mirror and the wooden door.

Narrowing my eyes, I stepped slowly towards myself in the reflection, reaching my hand up towards the paper that I was sure I'd not put there. Once my fingers found the cold envelope, I yanked at it to pull it away from the door.

Bringing the mysterious object closer to my face, I could read my name on the outer. _Sabina – Read alone._ The prose looked rushed and the paper creased from being shoved at last minute somewhere I might see it.

My curiosity getting the better of me, I didn't wait to open the letter, pulling the inside out and unfolding it close to my nose.

It was obviously Alex's hand writing, it was characteristically male; scruffy, and some of the words I could barely make out.

_Someone's watching the building, but don't freak out; I'm sorting it. I don't know when or if I'll be back, but don't worry. Relax and congratulations, I hope he's pleased. Alex._

The last part made me smile, despite the warning that was the first sentence.

Alex was in trouble, and the realization hit me fast and square between the eyes. I didn't know what section of the letter it was that did it, but suddenly I was scooping up my phone from my pocket and heading out the front door, leaving it open for Cooper.

I sent him a short text, telling him I'd gone out to find Alex, making up a lie that he'd got lost, and then I ran.

I ran to the only place Alex could be. Scottsdale State.


	14. The Rain

**Heyyy (: This is really being posted as an author's note, but I was thinking since it's been so long since I last updated, I'd actually upload what I have. This is just to let you all know that I'm away up to Scotland (middle of nowhere lolz) tomorrow to work full time. I'm absolutely skint right now, so I'm gonna be away from civilisation for a few months.  
I'll still be writing when I get some spare time and there's a library in the nearest town, so I _will_ be updating, just not a great deal. So yeah, love to you all for hanging on so far, and I'll try to be very good to you all (: Ok, so this is what I have so far, and I'm sorry this has taken so long. It's just writing action for me… I had to take my time so it didn't sound like a five year old had written it lol. I'll try to be in touch very soon!**

_Rain_

My feet quickly became wet through my cheap shoes. The rain poured down and didn't look to be letting up anytime soon. I'd left in so much of a hurry; I'd not even managed to grab a coat, so I ran through the dark and dreary streets of Scottsdale, slowly gaining on the university, absolutely soaking. I must have looked quite a sight.

It surprised me that the main streets were quite so full of people. The sky had dimmed very early tonight, and the street lights lit my route through the people in the way. I barged a line through the crowds gathering outside pubs and clubs, getting shouts and abuse from the couples I'd separated and the people I'd struck with my broad shoulders. I wouldn't be liked by anyone who knew me. I didn't even stop to apologize; instead, I averted my eyes and trudged on through. I tried my best to stick to the alleyways, where I could sprint for my life without hitting anyone. I had an almost killing stitch growing in my lower stomach. I couldn't run for much longer. Getting fit was one of those things I'd been saying I'd do for years.

The university started to materialise before me. I could see the library from this distance, penetrating the grey skies at its eight floors of book cases and computers. The windows were one way, so looked like mirrors, reflecting the morbid outside back into my eyes. I started to breathe heavily, urging myself to jog the last few minutes.

Leaning against a nearby pillar, I took five minutes to calm down once I'd arrived. The rain continued to drench my clothes and hair as I stared up into the sky and started to breathe normally again. With my hands held to my knees in a very masculine pose, I collapsed onto the floor, my backside instantly feeling cold.

What the hell was I doing here? I'd read a note from Alex saying that he'd discovered people watching the house, so I'd dropped everything to pursue his suspicions. But why? By leaving the house in such a frenzy, I'd probably let on to the people who might have been/were staking out my apartment that, I knew, and I'd also confused my fiancé, who would probably end up calling the police if I didn't come back in half an hour (which seemed unlikely). I had no idea what the current situation with Alex actually was; an awful thought that suddenly struck me. Was Alex here, at Scottsdale? Or had he gone, fled, to make sure the perpetrators followed him? Thinking about it more, I didn't suspect Alex would have run off, simply because there'd be a chance that the observers wouldn't follow him. He had to be here. There couldn't be anywhere else.

The raindrops felt harder as they hit my face, and the thought that the downpour might be getting heavier made me get to my feet. The gates to the car park were still open, making me question, ominously, whether they'd been expecting me.

I shook my head, willing myself to stop being stupid.

Taking the first step, my feet began to move, against their better wishes and I walked briskly through the empty parking bays and towards the back doors. There were no lights on in any of the buildings closest to me. As I made it up to the swinging doors into the communal twisted staircase, I discovered that the university had more security than I'd ever imagined.

I couldn't see any guards or security men just yet, but the locks and electronic ties on the doors were obvious from a few metres away. I got up close to the nearest entrance to examine the lock from behind the glass.

It was huge. The big, black box sat just beyond the door, attached the adjoining wall. I wondered how it managed to be there unnoticed during the day; I'd never seen it before in my life. It looked to be at least thirty centimetres square, and a small, red LED light flashed on and off every few seconds, confirming it was indeed working.

I sighed, stepping away and thinking. I stood under the cover of a small porch held up by thin pillars, evading the rain, as I tried to figure a way inside.

I'd not had any bright ideas after a few brief moments of thinking, so I decided my best bet would be to have a swift walk around. That way I could attempt to spot any possible ways in without drawing attention to myself by staying in one place.

I made a mental note to give Alex future credit for this spying thing; it was more difficult than it looked in the films. James Bond, I was definitely not.

Creeping my way around the main building didn't take me all that long. I'd discovered that there wasn't a single light on or any convenient open doors within ten minutes. I was feeling inclined to give up. I only had one side left to check but I wasn't hopeful. Sighing deeply, I popped my head around the corner.

If only I'd have noticed that before!

Like a total idiot, I'd totally missed the blaring lights of the science block. Granted, my vision had been blocked by the darkness of the building I was trying to check, but you'd have thought I'd use my intuition. Nahh.

The science department was three floors high. The ground floor housed the small reception and some few lecture theatres. The second floor was a large, open plan laboratory, and the third was used mainly for staff meetings, offices for the employees that were important enough to demand one, and also entrusted the video room. It was the only one on campus, mainly because of the financial implications of having two. The room consisted of a few chairs, enough to seat a small class, and a huge, fixed video screen that covered one whole wall.

The science block would have been a good place to start.

The white light was emanating from the front of the bottom floor, indicating a receptionist working late. They seemed to hypnotise me, making my feet step quickly forwards, turning swiftly into a fast run.

I could feel the small droplets of water trickling down my spine as the rain poured on. In only a few long moments, I'd reached the cover of yet another roofed podium. Running my fingers through my wet hair, I realised there was no hope for my appearance. Using a hair tie I kept around my wrist, I secured my hair into a tight pony tail, and moved towards the nearest door. The entrances were all automatic, but I couldn't be sure that they would open for me at this time. I checked my phone for the first time. It'd just gone half past six.

Taking another long breath, I prepared myself for what I was certain couldn't be good. I was about to fall head first into the deepest oceans of espionage, armed with nothing but my mobile and any intelligence I had that might be relevant.

I heard a quiet rustle to my left, stopping me dead in my tracks. I turned, ever so slowly, to face the direction from which I'd just heard the noise. Darkness was all I could see, but the crunching sound continued.

Stupidly, like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an on coming vehicle travelling at sixty kilometres per hour, I wanted to be closer to it. Maybe I could work out what it was if I was that slight bit nearer.

After a short time, there was silence. My head tilted sideward, almost hilariously, as I wondered what had happened.

A sudden movement captured my attention. My peripheral vision caught Alex, flying towards my back. I could just make out his blank face when he collided with me, using a force so heavy, I'd never had guessed he was that strong. Before I knew it, I was face first in the hedge I'd been previously watching. I could feel Alex's hand at my mouth before I understood what was going on. Any inkling I had to scream from the speed of his actions was calmed by his touch.

My breathing was uneven as I tried to relax. I was in shock.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He whispered, his voice urgent but hushed. I could see the obvious confusion on his face. He was covered in perspiration. I wondered how I looked…

"Your note…" I stammered as he released my face to allow me to speak. He kept a strong, sturdy arm around my body, still trying to stop me from shaking. "I just wanted to help." I replied, my speech just as low as his. "I don't know… I thought I might be able to save you before you got caught up."

He shook his head; no joke at his features whatsoever. I couldn't get used to this overly serious Alex; he was usually so outgoing and happy. "You could have helped me by staying indoors. This stuff is not your place. It's too dangerous for you to get involved. Think of the baby." I could understand his sound reasoning, but that didn't mean I wanted him here on his own either.

I paused. "You don't honestly expect me to leave you here now that I've run the whole way?" I tried to smile, but I knew it wasn't the opportune time. "You know me too well to think I'd do that."

"Sabina…" He averted his eyes for a moment before locking his with mine again. "You don't get it…" He sighed. "You're not trained for this. I am not in any position to justify getting you injured, or worse." His tone was grave and almost threatening.

"Don't you do this, Alex, I'm a big girl, and I _can_ take care of myself." I tried my best to not sound so patronising, but it was proving difficult. "I want to stay and you won't change my mind."

"Go home, Sabina. Cooper wants to kill me already; I don't want him stabbing me when I get you home. If I can't take you home, I swear to God, I'll let him kill me." His concern was sweet, but totally unwanted. I was starting to get mad.

"Are you really telling me you're afraid of my boyfriend?" _Fiancé_ I reminded myself. I'd never liked that word. Alex still didn't know therefore Cooper was still a boyfriend to me.

Alex didn't appreciate my attempt to lighten the situation. "Stop it, Sabina, I mean it." Sighing again, he finally let go of my body. "Go home, _please_."

"No!" I protested.

He gave an incredibly low laugh, but it was gone as soon as it had begun. His stony expression instantly replacing it. "I'm not gonna budge you on this am I?"

I shook my head, my face a mirror of his.

"Fine." He gave in. "You've been in this situation with me before, so just stay back and don't get in the way, ok?"

I nodded, adapting to his bossy attitude. I had expected it; I knew he'd have some sort of plan of attack, and I didn't want to ruin it for him. I didn't know if I'd be able to live with myself if I got him killed.


	15. Incognito

**A/n: OMG! I. Am. So. Very. Very. Sorry! I actually have no excuse for the fact that it's been at least five months since I last updated… I also can't excuse the fact I sent out a message about a month and a half ago to the majority of my reviewers saying that it wouldn't be longer than a week… Awww man, I am such a fail cake.  
Got myself a new job at Xscape in Castleford in the bar in the Skiing slope bit (if you're ever there, say hi (: ) Was working at the Carvery near my house, and it failed. Big time… Ermm, not much else has happened tbh. Not drank a hell of a lot, it's sad when you get to eighteen and stop drinking lol.  
On the subject of Scottsdale State, this is the rest of what was the last chapter, if that makes sense. If you put them together they're a complete chapter. I know it's not perfect, but I'm a little rusty on my FanFic. Next chapter should be better.  
I'm so so so so sorry that you've all waited for this update and it's not all that good or exciting, but stick with me guys, please, cos I'm getting back on the horse as we speak! Message or review me if you've got any questions for me or just want to tell me off in general, cos tbh I'm expecting it! Bye guys (Ps I'm going to see _New Moon_ later today! Be jealous mwuhahaha) xx**

_Incognito_

I followed Alex through into the main reception area, hiding behind a small parapet. His creeping was a lot quieter than mine. Whereas he could tread delicately on the balls of his feet, I was finding the whole 'being inconspicuous' thing difficult.

The desk was lit by a bright reading lamp. There was no one sat at the one chair behind the table, but it was clear someone had been there. The computer, although dimmed, was showing a blue screen, and a book sat open under the artificial glow. That someone had definitely left here in a rush. A small tub of pencils had been overturned across the wooden surface in the chaos, and an open chocolate bar sat at a skew angle. The door through to the rest of building lay across from that, open at this moment, ominously showing how easy it would be to walk on through. Directly to the left of that was another desk, a smaller and plainer one. The counter was empty, the light off and unused. There was a chair behind it, tucked under the leg room. I wondered who used it; it was too impersonal, bland, surely it was vacant.

The walls, from under the darkness, were a bright shade of cream, boasting wealth from the extravagant light fitting dotted at equal intervals around the upper skirting boards.

Alex only took a second or two to check for any unconcealed cameras on the walls. I heard him sigh, which confirmed to me he thought we were safe for now.

"Unless they're hiding their cameras incredibly well, I think we're fine." He whispered, turning to me, a look of calm covering his features. It took me a moment to realise he was used to this. I was scared right down to my toes, and he was fine, peaceful. It just wasn't right.

He stood, offering me a hand. I took it, getting to my feet with as much grace as a gorilla. My cheap shoes were still squelching from the rain. I started to take them off when Alex looked at me with a strange smile.

"If we've got any chance of getting within ten feet of these bad guys, I'll be foiling it with my shoes. They're soaking wet." I kept the volume of my voice low, following in his lead.

"Ahh." He nodded, still staring at me knowingly. He watched in silence as I threw my ruined, black shoes to the floor and, kicking them under the desk for concealment, left them. "You ready?"

I looked up at him, sure the look of terror would be plain across my face. "R-ready for what?"

He gave a low, bitter laugh, barely audible. "I told you you could leave, but _no_! You wanna stay..."

I scowled. "Hey! I'm only here." I bent both my legs simultaneously, running opposite hands over my bare feet, rubbing the rubbish from my heels. "Come on then, spy boy, where are we going first?" I didn't smile as I asked, hoping he'd finally take me seriously.

He turned his head a little either way, checking the coast was clear. "As far as I remember, there's only a couple of lecture rooms down here, I think our best bet would be the lab."

I shook my head, exasperated. "You're actually going looking for people to see us?"

He shrugged. "Not necessarily, I just think the action'll probably be going on up there. I like the action." For a second, I wondered whether he was actually serious. He continued. "Well, we can't do much from down here, can we? It's not that I want people to notice us, but where the people are is generally where the mystery is. We need to find this bomb, detonate it and get out alive, making sure Max Hackney doesn't get to leave this building before we do."

He was definitely serious.

I tried to plaster a blank expression to my face, but I was sure I'd be showing a mix of curiosity and fear. "Is that all? No back flips through hoops, or using superhero powers to destroy the detonator?" I wanted to smile, but couldn't. "What happens if Hackney manages to escape?"

"We lose. We, well the CIA, can pin him for the crimes he's committed, but we'll never find him." Alex shrugged, like he wasn't concerned either way. Suddenly, both his face and his voice dropped. "Sabina..."

"Oh, God, what?" I didn't like that tone. "I've told you, I'm not going home."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that." Sighing, he raised his head, staring me in my eyes. "Please listen to what I'm about to tell you, understand this. We're gonna be in deep trouble if you can't grasp what I'm about to say, ok?"

Reluctantly, I nodded, waiting for him to speak his mind. It surprised me that, as usual, I couldn't read him. It wasn't strange that I couldn't see what he was thinking, but I thought, given the situation, we might at least be on the same page. Not this time, apparently.

Taking a deep breath, he stretched a hand up to hold my shoulder. "Sabina, you know I've been in this area of expertise for a long time, and will no doubt be making my living the same way for years to come. And," He paused, weighing up my reactions, I guessed, and wondering if he wanted to carry on. "I-I've killed people before, Sabina. It comes with the job, and I no longer feel the remorse that I did when I was immature. I really need you to accept that, if the time comes, or if the situation gets out of hand, I'm going to end it, which ever way possible. I'm sorry, in advance, for if this upsets you. This is my life now." He stopped, staring at me so intently. I was curious, again, of what was going through his head.

I opened my mouth to reply when a short but distinctive ping stopped me in my tracks. A lift – arriving on this floor.

Had someone called it? Had that somebody being close by, hearing, even if not registering, our conversation the whole time? Were they calling for help? Or, was the elevator indicating an extra addition to our floor? I couldn't bring myself to think that we'd been discovered already… I would be so embarrassed!

Either way, a hand I knew belonged to Alex grasped my shoulder. I jumped, shocked. His face was reserved. "Sorry." He whispered. "We need to get down." He must have heard the elevator too, probably before even I did.

I nodded glumly, being lead by his movements as he pushed me beneath the smaller desk. I spotted a large, modern sofa as I crouched behind the counter chair, showing the reception area was trying to seem welcoming. I didn't feel all that happy to be here right now. Students might sit here, through the day, discussing the mysteries of quantum physics, and arguing about the relevance _Angels & Demons_ in an everyday society. But I did not feel like I was meant to be here.

"Sabina!" His low voice was urgent, forcing me to break from my thoughts and look at him. He sighed, panting and holding my hand. "I'm gonna be behind the door. Whatever I do, stay here and don't move for anything. If you get discovered, deny my existence. You'll be better off without my reputation. You understand me?" His features were serious, frantic with the situation.

I nodded again, wondering what his plan was. "What… are you going to leave me here?"

His face was blank, like he didn't want to answer. "These guys are tricky. From behind the door, I can get somewhere without being noticed… You need to stay here and wait for me. I swear I'll come back for you when this is all over. Sabina, please, listen to me just this once."

Again, I thought through my comeback, an argument, only to be silenced by the sound of footsteps from only a few metres away.

I embraced a small look into Alex's eyes. The chocolate brown calmed me. There was definitely some truth there. "Go." I whispered, shuffling further into the darkness under the desk and pulling the chair towards me.

Alex's soft running over to the door was quieter than even the walking of our forthcoming guest. It was getting closer, and from the sound, the weight was much. Maybe a security guard? I could see Alex, being manly, fighting a big, beefy guy in black, and winning.

There was silence for little over a second before a young, well built woman strode under the door frame and took her seat, throwing herself down on the chair that looked quite fragile under her large frame. The sounds of her typing penetrated the quiet. She sighed.

Looking past the swivelling chair in my face, I could see a shadow, that of Alex, peeking out from behind the great heavy door slab. His eyes were analysing her, deliberating on whether she was a threat, I assumed. In my mind, she couldn't be. She was just a woman, a secretary, probably with no idea how deep she was in and what was going on upstairs.

Alex's eyes turned to me and held me immobile for a couple of moments. _Don't do anything stupid… _They told me. And with that, he inched his way slowly from his hiding place, and retreated into another room.

The room was then filled with nothing to me. Alex was gone, and I was stuck here until he felt it right to come back and relieve me.

I sat back and sighed. The silence, bar the typing and shuffling going on behind me, was maddening.

"Who's there?" The woman voice penetrated the lull and sounded awfully loud in comparison.

I held my breath, leaning into the back of the desk and cussing myself from within my own head. _You stupid cow! It's been less than sixty seconds since Alex left you, and you've been caught already! Stupid, stupid, stupid! _

"I know you're here; I can hear you breathing, Come out now before I call security." Her voice was confident, and did not match her appearance.

Instinctively, I turned, trying to get a glimpse of her. In the process of trying to see through a wooden board, my head smashed against the boards above me and I swore. Holding my head and rubbing my hair, I spun back to the chair, only to find it wasn't there.

I blank face stared at me, smiling slightly. "Get up, and no one gets hurt."


	16. Max Hackney

**A/n: Oh. My. God.  
I do realise that's it's been like 3 months since I told you it'd be a month. You all know that I fail very much.  
But my laptop got a really bad virus on that was locking me out of everything I had, so I had to send it away (twice) to be scanned properly, and, as sods law would foretell, as soon as I was computer-less, I got inspiration. So I wrote like the whole chapter on paper and had to wait to write it up properly.  
As I've said, I have the next chapter and the epilogue practically done, so once I've reread them (just to check if they lead on alright and all that sort of stuff) I'll be posting them. This fic might be finished within the next few days. Worrying, I know.  
Please enjoy, I hope it's been worth the wait. I write action like a 3 year old, so it'll probably be a bumpy road to the end, but it's done.  
Also, most of you know I'm English, and I've got a feeling there are a few more Englishisms (degrees, for example) than in any other chapter, so I apologise in advance. I tried to do my research but the internet sucks when you're actually looking for factual information.  
Please review, just to show me that you're all still there! Sorry again! xx**

_Max Hackney_

"You heard me – stand up!" I continued to stare at the young woman, wondering what leverage she thought she had over me. Did she really think she could beat me in a fist fight? Maybe she had her weight on her side if she tackled me, but I had no doubt in my mind that I'd be quicker on my feet than her.

My obvious uncooperative attitude seemed to anger her slightly. Her mouth twisted into a half-sneer and she stepped a little further away for me. "I'll warn you now, I've got a gun in my hand, and I will shoot you."

Sweet Jesus. Looking out under the desk, I could see a small outline that seemed to be emanating from her lower arm. I didn't hurry out of my hiding place. I could feel my shoes pressing against my backside from where I was sat and I shoved at them, pushing them out into he open. Taking my time, I inched forward and stood up. I was a good foot taller than her, and watching her in front of me, holding the power, made me sick. I'd never felt so helpless in my life, barring the Damian Cray incident. I was older now, definitely no longer fifteen years old. I had to be able to resolve this situation. I raised my hands to shoulder level.

"Well done." Her smile was patronising. I wanted to hurt her so badly. "What are you doing here?"

I didn't _want_ to let her think she was above me, but I didn't see much choice. "I don't know anything." What excuse could possibly explain why I was hiding under a desk when the university had been closed for the last few hours?

Her short laughter chilled my spine. "It doesn't even matter if you won't talk to me, because it's not me that you should be afraid of." She paused, then gestured with here gun hand for me to move.

I moved around the desk with my front facing her. I daren't turn around, knowing I'd feel more nervous if I couldn't see what she was doing.

I knew being sneaky was well beyond my capabilities, but I tried desperately to lure her over to where my shoes were lying exposed on the floor behind her. If I could trip her up, then I could definitely make a run for it.

I didn't know what was worse, trying to run from a woman wielding a gun, or being dictated to by a woman who coincidentally had a gun. It sucked, whichever way you looked at it.

It took all of my concentration to walk backwards and not glance at the floor. I knew my trick would be getting close, but I was starting to doubt that it would work.

I could only watch as this short and fat pain in my arse stepped forwards, I assumed to give me some space to walk in front of her, forcing me round.

As my idea bounced from one side of my mind to other, I moved towards her, every nerve in my body completely on end.

Her shout was short, but loud. "No! The door!" Her orders were plain, simple, but her lack of initial authority suggested to me that maybe she was slightly afraid herself. It would be cocky of me to think she's be scared of me, no – her boss frightened her. Hackney, the man whom, if my plan didn't work, I was about to come face to face with.

I shuffled a little closer to her again, trying to put her on edge.

Her face shifted, small, confused. "I said-" That was it. She moved away from me again and she fell. Her left leg tripped quickly over an obstacle she'd not seen. Her fall was awkward. Instead of following gravity onto her backside, she twisted mid-stumble, taking her longer to regain her senses one she was down.

Kneeling down I lurched forwards holding out an elbow. Putting all my force behind my thigh, I pushed up to a stand, my bone making a distinct connection with the woman's face.

She was out.

I stood still for a second, catching my breath while I decided what I could do. My heart pounded behind my ribs.

I couldn't go back under my original hiding place. If this woman woke up, it'd be the first place she'd check before sounding the alarm. If she got found while she was still unconscious, that'd leave me with next to no time to flee before many big men came looking for me. No. The desk was definitely out of bounds.

I couldn't run, either. I didn't want to leave Alex any more than I wanted to picture him looking for me after he'd done what he wanted to do. If I was the reason he got caught, I could never forgive myself. I was too far in to ditch Alex now.

I was going to have to follow Alex. Up seemed like the only logical thing I could do.

Holding my hand over my heart, I could feel it slowing down. Ok. Time to go.

I checked the woman pulse first, feeling it slightly weak against my fingertips. I'd not killed her, not that I'd thought I could have. That made a good start.

I made for the stairs, slightly impressed to know that I knew enough about Alex's line of work to avoid the elevators.

I took the stairs in threes, my bare feet hitting the carpet with an audible bang. Within a few moments I found the floor to be flat, and I was facing a door.

The white laminate was covered with warnings – telling me not to forget to wear my goggles and be wary of corrosive and flammable substances.

Ironic. I smiled. As if being burnt by a little acid was the worst thing that could happen to me tonight.

The stern and incredibly male voice from above me shouldn't have surprised me. "Hey, who are you?" I jumped as it broke the silence of the last few minutes.

My mind was a whirlwind. I turned to see a big, beefy guy in black staring down at me from a few steps up. Trying to decide which of my few ideas was best, I bit down on my lip. Trying to masquerade as a student shouldn't be too hard for me, surely. "I've got an appointment with Mr Hackney to discuss my deadlines, but I'm late." Oh, god, why did I even try to lie? I'd never been any good at it.

The man pulled back his sleeve to check his watch. His face clouded with the confusion I was hoping to sway him with. "I'm not aware of any meetings _Dr_ Hackney is having with his students tonight." He told me, stressing the 'Dr' as if I were stupid not to know Hackney's preferred address. "Are you sure you've got the right date, kid?"

I nodded, twiddling my thumbs in a show of nervousness. "Definitely, I mean, I've been, like, dreading this all week." I smiled.

"I'll have to contact admin for you, I'm afraid." The guy did seem genuinely apprehensive, and I wondered what could be happening tonight to make him so doubtful of my story.

_Great._ I though, _I've walked in on a bloody dress rehearsal._

He stepped down to stand just a metre away from me, pulling a phone off his belt. He dialled and waited.

I threw my weight from either side of my feet, rocking back and forth. I needed to be on the ball for when the time came. My feet were definitely awake, for a start, now I just needed an opportunity to be spontaneous.

After a few moments, he raised his head to look at me. "I'm sorry, but our admin officer, downstairs, she's not answering." He put his attention back on the phone as he chose another number.

That woman, she was an admin officer. What use could they have for her at this time? What admin needed to be done now? The fact that her phone had been rining worried me. By now, her head would be getting closer to the surface; a loud noise might wake her ahead of time. I couldn't have her wake up just yet. I needed surprise on my side.

"I'm just going to try our security office, just two seconds, please." He smiled, which I mirrored, feeling my chance arriving ever so quickly.

It took a moment for someone to pick up at the other end, but almost instantaneously, the man turned his back on me, deciding to take his call more privately.

I bounced into a run, throwing myself at the door with so much force, I could expect a bruise across my shoulder. I slammed it shut, putting it between me and my follower. I knew looking for a lock would waste time, so, instead, I started into a sprint. Swerving my way through the tall desks, I soon found I wasn't thinking.

All I could picture were flashbacks. Certain memories over the last few days, fast images. Cooper's reaction to my pregnancy; Alex's eyes as I crouched under the secretary's desk; the admin woman's expression as held a gun to my head; a guard talking on the phone. Runnning. Lots of running.

I could be deluded, but Damian Cray's face in my mind seemed to the clearest it had been in years.

No. Don't let him ruin it now. _He's dead._ I repeated it over and over inside my head.

Think, think, think!

Where was I going? I had no idea. I'd never set foot in this building til now.

What did I know? This floor, it was the laboratory; it covered the whole space. I was trapped. Fleeing in circles until I got caught. Oh, Jesus.

The lights were bright in my eyes. All I could see were desks. Lots of them. In the middle of the room was a big, black wall, and running round, I could see that it formed a cube room. The windows on my other side showed a livid outside, and didn't help to lift my optimism. Could I find the door to this mysterious room, hide inside? Seemingly being the only idea I had, I changed direction, making from aisle to aisle to get closer.

I tried to keep my breathing low as I ran, making an effort to stay invisible. I crouched a little, sure my head wouldn't be seen above the desk, but my movement became slower.

Suddenly, the lights were out. I had a small mental layout of the huge room, but still, I squealed as I began to run blind. The small amount of light from outside couldn't help me this far from the window.

My feet found a break in the tiling, my face hitting the floor before I even knew what was happening.

I found my eyes to be tearing again. What had made me think I could do this? Each of my limbs was aching from the strain of my running, and my left thigh was screaming for a break; but I couldn't stop. Not now.

I daren't run my hands behind to establish what I'd fallen over, instead, feeling the cold floor through my leggings, I stood.

Feeling my heart almost leave my body, two large hands clamped down onto my shoulders. My breathing became deep again, knowing the chase was over.

I held still, waiting for this figure to tell me what to do. A killing blow was coming, and I could feel it…

* * *

The same room. The lights were back on. The scrapes on my palms from my fall were starting to pain. Another scary dictator stood before me, totally indifferent to an intruder.

Max Hackney didn't seem much to look at. He wore a simple black suit, covering his stout figure, grey haired, he wasn't overly tall, and his face wasn't the kind you'd remember the next day. He didn't look like a scientist. Both the clothing, and his strange scars told a different story. Like in some sort of Hollywood blockbuster action film, the proof of his accident was clear across his entire face, and I was sure that his covered body wouldn't be totally bare either. Trying to imagine him as a young pilot wasn't hard.

His authority, however, was not something I would question. Everything about him screamed power. His empire was built on fear, and he was not afraid to show it.

Even his voice… the hairs on my necks stood on end. "Who are you with?"

With two very strong grips on my body, I couldn't do anything to help Alex, but stall. "Excuse me?"

Hackney smiled, giving a small laugh. "I'll make this simple," he moved, fluidly, towards me. "Tell me who sent you here, or I'll use my resources to find out. Trust me, you'd prefer the former."

Instinctively, I avoided his eyes. What could I do? My gaze roamed the room for a second, before I realised what I'd be giving away. "I don't know what you're talking about." I said blandly, bringing my stare reluctantly back to his.

This guy was completely relaxed, chuckling to himself again. He raised his head. "Boys, hold her tight."

Oh, shit.

Hackney didn't delay. He closed the distance between us as the hands on me enclosed my skin, painful. Drawing a small revolver from his pocket, he calmly aimed at my chest.

"Whoever you are, please reveal yourself. I will not give you a second chance to save your friend's life." His voice raised and I had no doubt that it would fill every crevice in the room. Unless Alex was above or below us, which I somewhat doubted, he would be aware of the danger I'd gotten myself into.

The threat was met only by silence. Seconds ticked by.

I felt my heart sink as Hackney's attention returned to me. His expression was regretful, but somehow satisfied. "I'm sorry, but your partner seems to care more about his or herself than you." His smile came again. "You must be more careful of whom you put your trust in." In the nothingness, I could hear his finger tense on the trigger. True to his word to Alex, he was going to kill me.

I was at a loss. In the few moments I had left, I wanted to think of all the things I'd missed out on, all the things I wished I'd said to people; to Cooper. I wanted to think of the baby. To see my life flash before my eyes. But – nothing. I could only glance into the eyes of my murderer.

This was not anything like the first time. No torture, no taunting. I'd not even been given any time to torment my captor. This guy made Damian Cray seem like a saint – a dead saint, but a saint, none the less.

"Now, now. Let's have no more of this trust talk."

Alex's voice! Oh, lord, how I'd needed that. He had come. My trust was right to be in him. He'd left it right until the last minute to help me.

"Mr Collins." Hackney's eyes found Alex, the gun still trained on me. Hackney seemed to have expected it. Alex looked almost serene, strolling casually from the opposite side of the room.

"Actually, it's Rider." I almost expected Alex to hold out his hand, like two strangers meeting for the first time. Instead, Alex stopped around ten yards away, running his gaze over me, checking me over.

Aside from the two guards I appeared to be wearing as a rucksack, I was relatively unharmed.

"Rider… I see." All this calm talk was starting to make me crazy. "Nice of you to join us, Mr Rider."

Alex gave a brief nod, staying stationary. It didn't surprise me as another two of Hackney's private army were suddenly looming at Alex's back.

Hackney's insane script continued. "So, Rider, who are you working for, and who is this girl?"

Alex's low laugh appeared again. "We both know, Mr Hackney, that those two pieces of information are what's keeping us alive. We might have to play this game a little longer before I give them up."

Our captor shook his head in a sort of unsurprised gesture. "You know, if it weren't for know-it-all types like yourself, none of us would be stood here this very second."

Alex embraced at the men who held him. Unlike myself, he stood completely still, hiding how uncomfortable I didn't doubt that he felt. "I'm sorry?"

"You know of my life, I assume?" The two men addressed one another; I simply stood, flanked by guards. Hurting. I sort liked the anonymity they'd given me. I'd rather Alex handle the situation than it be left to me.

Alex nodded, his face neutral. "I used to be powerful." Hackney's face brightened a little, thinking of the past. "Influential. Younger pilots in my regiment of the air force feared me. They listened to me."

Alex's eyes glanced to mine as Hackney's gaze turned to the sky, reminiscing. However, they told me nothing. They said _wait_. I understood there was a very small amount that we could do, but surely we _had_ to try?

"It was fantastic. So," His stare moved back to Alex, now hungry for the history. "When I was asked to do a routine flight to Britain, who was I to decline? I could have asked an under man to take the mission from my hands, but I didn't need to. The plan was simple. Take a one man fighter from our airfield, to a smaller airfield just outside Heathrow."

"But you path was interrupted." Hackney's body language was angry. Alex's disruption hadn't boded well, either.

"Yeah. My aircraft collided with a 747. Its flight plan had been quite obviously registered, so it seemed obvious to me that my superiors had made a terrible mistake." He smiled. "They tell me I'm the luckiest man on earth to be alive."

"Do you feel lucky?" Alex's voice was mocking, unafraid. Why couldn't I master that expression?

Hackney's head moved from side to side. "No, I don't." he continued to smile through his monologue. "I spent many weeks in an English hospital, but all the time alone only helped me come to terms with my hatred for the air force. How could any man be dumb enough to send an air craft across continent without so much as a glance at interceding flights?" Alex shrugged, a cheeky smile at his mouth. "My contempt grew, even after I'd recovered and returned to the U.S. You know that, even now, I refuse to fly? If the air force can make such a mistake, than what can be said of any ordinary pilot? Nothing! Mankind is potentially flawed, and accidents like mine show this quite obviously."

Alex still stood straight, making no resistance to the men holding him. "Crashes happen everyday – you weren't injured on purpose."

Hackney ignored him. "I got my degree in chemistry, and later a masters in science as a whole, when I was very young, years even before I joined the force, so when I was offered the head of department job here, I jumped at the chance. The change was amazing. From male pilots, to students – I loved it. I'd regained the respect I'd had before, only from a different kind of person."

Alex gave a small laugh. "They're only students – they respect anyone with a cell phone." I was too immersed in Hackney's voice to laugh at Alex's joke, but I appreciated his show of fearlessness.

"Respect, as you will learn, Mr Rider, is still respect. So please, listen. It wasn't until eighteen months ago that I started to realise this new career could open up a door to obliterating my old one. As I was coming to loathe the pea-brained undergrads I was constantly teaching, one, rather brainy, student stumbled upon a shocking discovery. A new kind of fusion boosted fission bomb. By accident, my young prodigy had been experimenting with an isotope of hydrogen being mixed in different quantities, and created a controlled explosion, with my permission, of course. The materials needed to rebuild a bomb that would cause damage to the extent of Hiroshima would take only a third of the materials. It was groundbreaking.

"At first I didn't think to link this discovery with my ploy for revenge. It came to me only a month later. I refrained from registering the breakthrough, wanting to take the States by surprise. The discovery had already gone around the university in rumours, however I started different ones, concealing its truth in order to keep it on the low. Now, my preparations are complete." The sanity in his voice was strange. Without this speech being to insane, I'd have thought he was an entirely normal bloke.

His smile widened, enjoying himself. "Would you like to see our creation?" Hackney seemed to remember my presence, turning to me, inviting me along with them.

I stared at Alex, and soon, Hackney did the same. I was in no position to make a decision, but I knew exactly what Alex was going to say.

Worryingly, Alex gave a light shrug, giving also a small grin.

Hackney didn't say another word; he turned, striding off towards the box room in the centre of the building. My eyes were on Alex again, wondering whether he had some sort of plan cooking up in his head. I could see his argument now – his argument from before. I was dead weight. He wouldn't have even been out in the open by now. I'd got him revealed, and now his was winging it just to save my life.

The big men marched us both forwards, a metre or so between us so we couldn't reach out to communicate anything across. I so wanted to take Alex's arm, his hand, anything. I needed some reassurance that he was getting us out of here.

Much to my annoyance, he didn't once look at me. He glared forwards, walking steadily, thinking. Eventually, I concentrated more on not falling, fed up of staring at the side of his face. I couldn't think of a thing I could do, nor what Alex could, at this point, to get us out.

Suddenly, Alex tripped, falling sideways. I opened my arms for him and managed to catch him. That couldn't be natural, could it? Alex didn't fall – he was way too perfect for that. He got injured, sure, but he never fell. In his eyes I could see it. His plan. It was there!

He shook his head as if confused, acting. The guards were slow in getting to him. By the time they'd grabbed at his shoulders, he'd had time to lean his head to my ear.

"When I give you the signal, you run." Was all he said. The men pulled him to his feet, one who'd originally been guarding him stalking him another metre or so away from me.

I tried to keep my face blank, hoping the guards wouldn't be too wary of the contact we'd just had. They'd be suspecting us, that much was certain. If Alex pulled another stunt like that, he'd be shot – again. I couldn't drop him in that. I carried on walking, portraying to anyone who was watching me that I'd simply caught Alex, and he'd got back up again. Nothing more, nothing less.

The room had a huge door, one that I'd not seen whilst running beforehand. Hackney stood in front of it, holding his hand out to a fingerprint reader. We stopped, watching as he outstretched his index finger and pressed it to the sensor.

There was an irate beep and a green light. Comparable to another bad action film, a steel bar raised from the door and it opened mechanically.

My heart sank. I could see it. The thing was huge.

"Come on in!" We followed him inside, and were forced to stand in front of the monster that could kill us, and possibly everyone within a hundred mile radius. It was about a metre long, a cylinder shaped missile with a diameter of maybe thirty centimetres. It was the single scariest thing I'd ever seen; even more so than my earlier positive pregnancy test.

Glancing sideways, I could see Alex tense. It was only in his small movements that it was noticeable. He was getting ready. It pained me to think what for.

"What do you plan to do with it?" Alex asked, looking slightly disgusted towards Hackney.

"I'm glad you asked," he said to us, opening his arms towards the bomb. "This creation is destined to do amazing things-"

Alex's voice rose. "What are you gonna do with it?" He was angry, and his snarl clearly showed that.

Hackney's eyes found Alex. He looked positively ecstatic. "You may or may not know that all of the air force flight plans go through a routine team checker within the Pentagon. A collection of political monkeys who give you the go ahead." He paused, looking at both of us in turn. "I intend to punish them for their mistake that nearly killed me."

My jaw fell. This guy was crazy! He wanted to blow up the Pentagon? All because of a plane accident he'd had years ago? Didn't normal people just sue the opposite side?

"Don't worry, honey," Hackney addressed me, forcing my stomach to go slightly numb. "These walls are thickly lead lined. The rest of the university is completely safe should the bomb explode early." What he told me did comfort me slightly. He couldn't honestly not realise that it was him that frightened me? "I designed this room myself. It came in great use through our practice stage. Those bombs were smaller, though. Should this one detonate now, we'd all be dead. It would shake the ground, but it would do very minor damage to anywhere outside its walls."

I couldn't help but glower over to Alex. This was so much bigger than I'd expected. I would've given anything to be anywhere but here.

"Mr Hackney-"

"_Dr_." Hackney corrected him.

Alex raised his head, looking up under his eyelashes. "Mr Hackney. You would end the lives of so many innocent people to take revenge on the department that made a huge error? Are you sure about that?"

He gave a slow nod. "Was my life not innocent?"

Alex nodded.

Then it all happened quickly.

He threw a glance at me, pointed lamely in a random direction, and lurched towards the bomb. I didn't waste anytime fearing that Alex would detonate it with us nearby. I stumbled into a run, making towards the open door with everything I had.

"Wrong answer!" I heard him shout from behind me. A few terrifying and slow moments later a heard a beep, and another shout which I couldn't decipher.

I'd made it to the door just as I heard Alex's footsteps behind me.

"Faster! We've got two minutes, at most!" I'd cleared the door, now only a few feet from the door to the stairwell. The metal door thudded down and I heard a snap and had to turn. The steel bar was in Alex's arms. I stood for only a second to see him throw it down across the steel door, trapping Hackney and his men inside. He saw me standing.

"Sabina, go!" He'd caught up with me, running ahead.

He kicked the door open, jumping down the stairs much quicker than I could.

Soon we found the reception, the young woman nowhere to be seen. It occurred to me that she must have fled, but I didn't really think.

We were loping away, splashing the puddles on the uneven ground when I felt it.

A quake; strong.

Our ordeal wasn't far from over.


	17. LA

**A/n: I told you all it'd be a short wait!  
I want to apologise in advance (again) at how **_**New Moon**_** this sounds, it's a bit in your face and angsty, but still, I felt it necessary.  
One more chapter left, give me a day to reread it cos I **_**know**_** there's some things in it that need changing.  
Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you can't tell, I love this chapter, and I think (at the risk of sounding arrogant) it's perfect. Maybe leave me review? x**

**Also, I want to give this chapter a song. I was driving home from work the other day listening to Amy Macdonald's album, and was quite surprised that I never realised how beautiful this song is. So, L.A. by Amy Macdonald. **

_L.A.:_

_I'm always told to be the dreamers pal_  
_Wake up one morning and your dreams are life_  
_Never let them bring you down_  
_Never let them tear me down_  
_I always thought that I would follow you_  
_Every place and everything you do_  
_But I'm happy to be by myself_  
_I don't need no one else_

_All my dreams are built around your face_  
_And this place_  
_All the times of staring at the sun_  
_You're the one_

* * *

Even at nearly a mile away, I was still stumbling down the wet streets.

Alex had taken to directing me through the alleyways of my own town. I appreciated his efforts; I was a hell of a lot more shaken up than I was trying to let on.

I could feel the tears still streaming down my face. The sobs were long gone, but I simply couldn't stop crying.

"Alex?" From where we stood, his fading body too far in front of me, I stopped and turned. I could see the Doubletree Hotel just at the top of the galley, and, faintly behind it, a dark outline of Scottsdale State University. The toxic smoke rising from the science building was unmistakable. I wondered how long it would take the fire brigade to get there. I wondered how long it would take them to save the people inside the nearby buildings. How long would it be before the story reached the news? How long before I was caught?

"Sabina, come on, we've not got long." I felt Alex's hand gripping at my elbow, but I didn't look at him. My eyes stayed transfixed on the building we'd just destroyed, and the tears came all over again.

Alex spun me, using his strength the push me around so I was facing him. "Sab, you need to calm down."

"I-I can't calm down!" I shouted, between the rapid and short breaths that escaped my throat. I pointed behind me. "How can y-you just stand there and pretend that this is ok?" I closed my eyes, letting whatever energy I had left inside my drained, yet still pregnant, body just ooze out. "We could have killed someone! Someone innocent!" My eyes wedged shut, I tried to get the image of his relaxed face from my mind.

I felt his fingers hold my shoulders. "Yeah, but they were going to murder you, would you rather that? And it wasn't 'we', it was me. I have killed people."

It took me a few moments to think of any type of response to that. Finally, I opened my eyes, staring up into his face, seeing for the first time that he wasn't totally guiltless. There was something there, behind his eyes. Something that felt remorse. "I don't know." I answered, bringing one hand up and running it across both my eyes.

I wanted to hit him as I saw him smile, but before I could react, he wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into his chest. That was it; I blubbered for all I was worth into his already ruined shirt.

It was too long before either of us spoke again. The noise of the cars floated towards us from the roads on either side. I heard the fire engine surge past us at speed, and I pulled back. At least any of the remaining people in the buildings would be out soon. The thought didn't comfort me much, but it was enough for me to carry on.

In the dimness of this back alley, the street lamps mapping my way home before me, I wanted Cooper.

"You need to sit down." Alex told me, leading me towards the nearest wall and sliding me down onto my backside.

The cold of the walls and floors did a little something to remind me of where I was. "I'm sorry," I raised my chin. "If you'd been on your own, you wouldn't have had this panicking to deal with."

He gave a short, low laugh. I was starting to understand his inappropriate laughter. The pitch of the sound depended on the situation. This laugh was low, to show less humour, but more irony. "Don't get me wrong," He turned his back to the wall and leant down beside me, balancing his body on the balls his feet. I didn't like that I still had to look up to see his face. "If I'd been alone, I'd be so far away from this awful city by now, and you'd probably never see me again for the fear that I might be recognised, but still, it was nice to have some sort of company in there. It gave me a reason to try."

"A reason?" I questioned, bringing my knees into my chest and reaching my arms around them. The cold, friendly from before, was now starting to bite. "To try?"

He nodded, running a hand through his matted hair. He looked tired. Finally. "I don't know…" His voice droned off, his eye contact gone as he seemingly stared into space. "Sometimes, I get to the point where I actually don't care. The bad guy could succeed for all it's worth to me, as long I can manage to get myself out alive." The chocolate brown eyes fell back to me. "It sounds selfish, but you gave me a reason to stop him. It's harder to sneak two people out of a building than one." He smiled.

"I don't understand." I said, slowly. "I thought you liked your job?"

He shrugged, smiling down at me again. "The feeling comes and goes."

I shook my head, drawing my gaze away from his, and onto the opposite wall. That statement had definitely been some food for thought.

"Why do you do it?" Just as I caught his concerned face in my peripheral vision, he stood, pacing a circle in the alleyway.

He groaned. "It doesn't matter, Sabina. I don't really want to talk about it, let's pretend I didn't mention it." I'd lost his attention completely now; it was almost like I wasn't there. He walked, without purpose, up and down, up and down, over and over again, without once addressing me.

After a few minutes of his silence, I stood, blocking his passage.

"Alex, stop." Our bodies were close, close enough to kiss, close enough to start a fight. I grabbed at his upper arms, feeling anxious as he tried to pull away. "Talk to me… please?" I craned my neck from side to side, following his gaze as it avoiding me at every turn. "I know you; you'll be gone by this time tomorrow, off to Washington or Mississippi. Let me listen to you before it's too late."

Eventually, he stood still. I knew he was stronger than me so I held tight to his skin, hoping I wasn't about to bruise him. This felt strange. Asking Alex to confide in me had never done him any good before, but I didn't care. If I could see it, visibly, in his facial expression as he upped and left me, that he felt slightly lighter in the load he was carrying on his back everyday, I'd know that I'd helped. That was all I wanted.

He moved in a way I hadn't expected. His shoulders lifted and his arms encircled my shoulders in a tight embrace. Soon, he had my own hands pinned up against me as he held me, dipping his head into my neck.

I pulled my fingers between our bodies, locking them around his waist. "Alex, please." I spoke next to his ear, whispering.

"Sabina, would you believe me if I said there was nothing you could do?" I so longed to see his face, and realised that he'd know that. He was a sneaky so and so. The thought made me smile.

I shook my head against his shoulder, knowing he'd feel it. "No." I waited for some sort of witty remark, but nothing came, so I continued. "Physically, I can understand. There is nothing that I can do to physically help you out. But mentally, Alex, you need me." His head rose, staring out at me through the tears that were brimming in his eyes. "I need you, and we both know it."

His smile was sad, like he'd been afraid of that all along.

Before I knew it, he was a solid metre away from me, wiping his eyes. "We should get back; Cooper probably wants to kill me by now."

I nodded. "Sure…" Watching the transformation was incredible. One second he'd been a wreck, trying desperately not to spill his guts, and now he was perfect. His skin was back to normal, his eyes desolate and blank. I couldn't even stand to look at him.

Picking up my own pace, I strode fast, soon finding him way behind me. "What's the plan?" I shouted back to him.

"I'm still thinking-" He was still thinking about what? Some way to explain this logically to my boyfriend? There was no logical way; both he and I knew that. We were drenched and filthy from the fight; we'd hardly been out for a friendly coffee and a chat, now, had we? I was angry at his dismissal, like I couldn't even come up with a plan – it was all him. How dare he make me feel so useless?

He'd began his speech, but I didn't even realise what I was doing. Suddenly, and against my better judgement, I was facing him. I wasn't usually the one to start an argument in the street, but I knew we'd never be alone like this again. "How can you just do that?" I shouted at him from across only a few metres. "After all that's happened, and you still don't trust me, is that it? Don't I deserve your trust?" I could feel a fresh set of tears rising through my tear ducts. "I've kept your secret since I was fifteen! I could have told anyone, but I never did! You know why? Cause no one would ever believe me!" His expression hadn't changed, still isolated. "I don't even think my own parents truly believe what I told them after Damian Cray. But you do, cause you were there. Everything that I went through because of you, and this? How can you just stand there and tell me there's nothing I can do?"

He took a few steps towards me, but I held out my hand. The first tear fell. "Sabina, I think you're-"

"Yeah, I know I'm being melodramatic." I admitted, wiping a filthy sleeve across my eyes then, with difficulty, raising my stare back to his. I certainly wasn't helping matters by my being utterly exhausted – and pregnant. "But you would never understand how much you've hurt me."

"Now, you wait just one damn second!" He raised his voice. I didn't know if I could recall the last time he'd shouted at me; the last few days of his presence seemed to have lasted for years. "You give me all this 'But I've never blamed you for Damian Cray, Alex, you know that' and now I've hurt you? It's either my fault, or it's not, Sabina, you can't keep changing your mind. You've been out of my life for nearly eight years, and you've not wanted my contact once. I've never had the chance to hurt you, because you've never been around!" I could see it in his body language, the way his fists bunched, his eyes blearing; he was fuming. "I work in the international secret services for a living; it's my job not to trust people!"

I gasped. "You don't trust the closest person you've got a friend, right now?"

He gave a slow sigh, making a show of calming his temper down. "You want to know why I won't talk to you?" He stared at me through narrowed eyes, his head lowered. His expression genuinely scared me. "Do you honestly want to know?"

I was almost inclined to decline him, and say that I was no longer interested in his problems, but instead I nodded, not sure I could speak without shouting.

"Because you can't seriously stand there and tell me that you're not falling for me. If you could reassure me that you did not love me, then I would let you help." I was confused, but it wasn't difficult for me to grasp his point. "What we've got is too complicated to even put into words. I don't think that you really understand what I'm about, Sabina. I can't afford to fall in love with people, because I have to leave them behind, or they get hurt. You might well be the closest thing I have to a friend, but to me, you're so much more, and that scares me."

My jaw dropped. I didn't think there could be anything more annoying that having him hide things from me, but I was wrong. The fact that he was right irritated me more. I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

"I guess I'm right, then?" He closed the distance between us, stopping only a few steps away. If he'd have been any closer, I would've kissed him, so it was probably a smart move. "Sabina, I love you more than I ever thought possible." He paused, "but I wish I didn't. You'll realise one day. I'm incapable of holding down a stable relationship, let alone loving someone so unconditionally that I could finally settle down." It felt strange to have Alex Rider confessing his love to me. I felt faint from the whole conversation. "Do you get it now?" He tilted his head, the anger and resentment in his tone totally gone now. All that was left was concern. "I can't stay with you, so I don't want you to fall any further for me. It would be better for the both of us if we went our separate ways."

My legs finally collapsed, the anger gone and replaced with desperation. I was on my knees with my head in both my hands when I felt his touch across my shoulders. My head felt like it might explode at any time. "Alex, you can't leave me." The more I thought about his absence, the more tears came to my eyes. We'd spent only these few days together, but now I wasn't even sure I could stand being away from him.

Looking up over my fingers, I could see his smile, but this time it didn't calm me down. "Sabina, you did have a life before I turned up here." I felt a raindrop fall onto my face and knew it wouldn't be long before the heavens' opened to release whatever rain was left over from earlier. "You've got a boyfriend, a house together…" He frowned, his voice sounding pained, like he'd gone over these things more times than he could count. "A baby. You're pregnant – with his child." He shook his head, letting a tiny smile return. "You've got everything I've ever wanted, and you should relish it. You're gonna make Cooper really happy, and him you."

Oh, Cooper. It was like he didn't even exist when Alex was around. "I don't care if we're not together, Alex." I didn't want to plead with him, but it felt like he wasn't going to listen to me otherwise. "I can cope with that, if it's how you feel. I just want you there, like the best friend you used to be."

He said nothing for what felt like forever. Was I right? Logical? When he finally did speak to me, he broke my heart. "We need to get you inside." No, he would not stick by me. The job he hated meant more to him than the girl he loved.

I nodded, raising myself up from the knees. "Sure, yeah, it's cold."

We walked in silence, his arm around my shoulder. He'd insisted his act was purely to protect me from the weather, but I liked to pretend it meant something more. The streets passed in a blur, one after another. My feet were sodden almost instantly, making me wish I'd picked up my shoes whilst we'd been fleeing the burning university. I didn't even want to imagine how I looked, after the attack, the explosion and the rain. Cooper would want to know everything when I got home, but how much could I tell him? Would he ever know how far I'd fallen for Alex Rider? I seriously hoped not, but maybe it was something he should know.

Soon, much, much too soon, we'd reached the last corner before my block came into view. I stopped dead. Alex turned to me, confusion and unease, from the awkward walk, present on his face. "What's wrong?"

With his arm still firmly around my shoulder, I made a small twist underneath him. "Nothing." I confirmed, using my leverage to tip-toe myself into his kiss.

In the rare cold rain of Scottsdale, I kissed Alex Rider for the last time. My right hand flew up to his neck whilst the other simply hung limp. I didn't feel the need to rush our kiss into anything else. It was a simple goodbye, except it held more passion than I'd ever thought I had in my being. His lips moved against mine with a slowness that seemed to speak more than any kiss I'd ever had.

Finally, with his fingers knotted into my matted and soaking hair, he pulled away, his face a picture of nothing but remorse. "I'm sorry." were the last words he spoke to me, and they seemed fitting.

I gave him a final smile, not of happiness, but acceptance, as I shrugged off his arm and turned the corner by myself.

* * *

It was only when I started to climb the stairs to my own front door that I started to realise that I might be injured. The incline was really trying on my thighs.

I could think of nothing but Alex the whole time. Could I have changed anything? Would anything that I'd said, or anything that I could have said, would it make him stay? Sure, he'd that much clear: he was leaving. His job was his life. Not me. Again, like I'd known back on that bridge in London, I knew I'd never see him again. Only, this time I was sure.

My door started to come into view. I let the last tear I thought I had within myself fall. I stood for a second, rubbing my left leg. I wouldn't cry any more, not for him. I vowed that to myself. I knew enough first aid to know it couldn't be broken, but I might be dealing with a bad sprain. I also knew that everything Alex and I had just done could not be good for my child. I was going to find it difficult to relax throughout the pregnancy.

I sighed, standing only a few feet from the door, and my old life. I could adapt, I could definitely adapt. The thought made me smile.

I knocked. Loud.

There was a distinct clambering inside, and it brought back memories of both of the men in my life. I knew Cooper'd be worrying his socks off, and it was going to be nice to reassure him I was alive.

The scratching told me that Cooper was messing with the key, and only a few moments later, the door opened.

"Oh my, God, Sabina, it's you!" His expression was shock, but I knew he'd be curious. "Are you ok?" He moved aside and I limped under the arch.

Before I could even reply, he was holding me – and it took everything I had not to well up. I'd told myself I wouldn't, and I was going to stand by that.

"Baby, I'm fine, maybe just a bit shaken up." My voice was coarse through emotion, but otherwise I didn't see any reason for him to disbelieve my statement. "You know what I really want?"

He pulled back to stare at me, "what? Do you need to go to ER? What were you thinking? You've been gone for hours!"

I couldn't help but smile at his concern; it was what I'd expected. My request sounded weird now I thought about it, but I couldn't help it. After the night I'd had… "Can we go for a bath?"

* * *

I took my time in running the hot water. The steam fuming off soon condensed the mirror and the window.

"Is it ready?" Cooper shouted to me from the kitchen, he'd just been turning off the DVD he'd been watching and locking the door before coming to join me.

"Nearly." I told him, stripping down and inching my toes into the bath tub. The water made me skin turn red. It was exactly what I wanted, to wash away the trouble of the past few hours.

I sat down, turning off the hot tap and twisting the cold one on. I probably wouldn't be able to feel if I was burning myself, I was that cold, but I knew it wouldn't help the baby.

Cooper pushed the door open slowly, but it still made me jump. "Sorry," he said, seeing my panicked face. I pushed myself right back, stretching my aching legs.

"Don't worry about it, just get in here." I smiled, turning my attention back to the rippling water as he undressed. I didn't know if I could even look at him, knowing all the things I'd have to tell him tonight.

It didn't seem soon enough when he asked me scoot forward and he climbed in behind me.

I made sure to turn off both the taps before I really calmed myself. Cooper's whole body seemed to be red hot, and I appreciated it.

We didn't enjoy the silence for very long, but yet, Cooper had never been one for quiet.

"So, you gonna tell me what you've been doing, or not?" His hands caressed my shoulders as I pressed them right back into his chest.

I rested my hands and fingers against his thighs and took a deep breath. "I don't think I can."

Sighing, his arms moved to hold my whole upper body. "I thought as much…" Pausing, he kissed the back of my neck. "But you just walked in with no shoes on, covered in rain and dirt, I just wanna know that you're ok."

He leant back again, giving me the space to think, I assumed. "Yeah…" The sound lasted longer than I intended. Drawing out my words wasn't something I usually did. "Honestly, being here, being back, I feel better now."

"Your mom called." His voice was soothing, mixing with the glorious water lapping at my body in the most perfect way. "I told her you were out shopping."

I smiled. Surely I didn't go shopping that much? "Thanks, I'd rather she didn't know about Alex right now."

"Yeah." His thumbs pressed into my spine, making me gasp. His massages were to die for. "I thought you might be thinking like that, since she didn't mention him at all." He laughed as I leant slightly forward to open up more of my back. "Are you ever gonna tell your parents that he was here?"

I nodded. "Yeah, my dad finds him really interesting, so I will mention it to him." I took another deep breath, wondering when the best possible moment to break the news to Cooper would be.

I'd decided what I wanted to tell him whilst I'd been taking our towels from the airing cupboard. He needed to know certain aspects of the last few days. And he definitely deserved to know that Alex and I had slept together. Even if it broke us apart, we couldn't go any further without discussing that much. I didn't want to tell him about the crook at the university, but I wasn't sure how much of it I'd say by just trying to explain where I'd been tonight.

"I have got something I want to tell you though." I didn't dare look at him as I said it, but I knew I would have to. Putting my hands together, I scooped up some water and dropped it onto his exposed top leg.

"That's funny, because I've got something I wanna ask you." I could hear the smile that was on his face. "I went to go have a little nap earlier, because I was so tired of waiting for you to come home. I couldn't sleep though, because I was worried that you weren't returning my texts or calls. That was when I noticed something…"

I turned my head to glance at him. His expression surprised me, giving me only a steady stare. There were no accusations in his eyes, only a sort of understanding. I knew my face would be a picture. I was mortified. "Baby, I was going to tell you…" I averted my eyes for a second, but looking down at his chest didn't help. "I'm really sorry."

His fingers forming small, lazy circles around my ears, I was astonished as he showed me a small smile. "Changing the sheets wasn't the best idea you've ever had."

I had no idea how to react. I said nothing, I barely even moved.

He wrapped his arms around me again, holding me in an awkward embrace from my twisted pose. "Do you love him?"

How the hell did he expect me to answer that? I didn't pull back to see his face. I couldn't even look at him as I spoke. "I think so."

He gave a long sigh, still holding me close. "Where do you want to go from here? Please don't be doing me any favours."

That was it, I wanted to cry all over again, but I couldn't. He'd seen right through me, known exactly what I'd been doing. But… yet, he wasn't mad, or he didn't seem to be. It was all my choice. Cooper was trying to make sure I was doing exactly what I wanted to make me happy, even if it didn't involve him…

"I don't deserve you." My voice was little over a whisper as I spoke the words I'd known since this time last night.

He laughed, again shocking me with his responses. "I don't know, Sabina, we've both done some pretty messed up shit in our time. To me, it sounds like we're made for each other."

That made me smile through my silent sobs. My breathing had gone all short again, but I couldn't let go of him to grasp at air, he was too special. "I-" What could I say? Words were failing me in this situation. My mother had always told me that I had an answer for everything, and I'd always thought she was right. Now, I could prove her wrong. "There's no w-way I'll ever be able to ap-apologise enough for my mistakes, but…" I paused, blinking, and thinking. "I love you, Cooper, and you'll never realise how much."

He pulled back. "You know that I love you, but you realise this isn't the end of the conversation, right?"

My laugh was short and low, an unlikely trait of Alex's that seemed to have rubbed off on me. Inappropriate laughter; fantastic.

"I can see it in your face, Sabina, your feelings for him – they're plain across your face. You shouldn't settle for me, if it's not what you want." His eyes scrutinised my expression, looking to see, I guessed, if I was doing exactly what he thought I was.

Was I just living with him because I couldn't get what I wanted? It was definitely true that I was falling in love with Alex, but I _was_ in love with Cooper, there was no questioning that. They were total opposites. Alex was wild, different. Being with him would be living on the edge, but I knew it would soon be a feeling I'd get bored of. Cooper was stable. We'd been together for long enough to know that what we had was real. I'd been in love with him from just a few months into our relationship, and a feeling like that was not going to go away after just a few days. Alex Rider couldn't just pop his head round the corner. I could not leave my boyfriend, _fiancé_, for someone I couldn't rely on. Cooper was exactly what a wanted. The one.

"You're right." I began. "I think if he'd have been here for longer… I think I might have started to change… But…" Again, I was finding it difficult to search for the words in my head. "He could never separate me from you. You mean too much to me."

He nodded, a small smile present at his lips. Leaning towards me, his kissed my forehead. His mouth lingered there for a little longer before he placed the base of his chin against my hair line. "Then, we move forward." I tightened my grip around his body as I heard him speak. That was all we could do. Together, we had to get past this – and we would.

So we sat, not moving from our position for as long as we could. The water had gone cold, but we were still there, pressed against one another.

I never wanted to leave this spot. Through all the memories, all the heart ache and the entire ordeal, I finally felt safe.


	18. Epilogue

**A/n: *Cry* It's the end!  
Thanks so much to everyone who's shown their support! Extra thanks to absolutely anyone who has reviewed, even if you reviewed because you didn't like it. I wish I could add all of you to my Facebook or something, but I think the fanfic people would kill me for trying to sneak my name in ;)  
Ok, so it's nearly my 19****th**** birthday, which I realised the other week shows that I've been at this fic for well over a year – I honestly didn't even realise before then. It'll be weird to not have to think about inspiring this fic at all.  
To be fair, this fic has taken a totally different turning to where I was taking it when I first started it, but I like how it's turned out.  
I noticed today, also, that I've had a grand total of 15,000 hits on this fic which is completely awesome.  
I'm planning some sort of little one-shot of after the baby's born, but I don't know when I'm gonna get chance to write it. Off to Scotland again next Wednesday, guys! Bring it on!  
Thanks so much to everyone, and hope you enjoy this, the epilogue, from (to some people's dismay) Cooper's point of view! Bye xx**

_Epilogue – Loose Ends_

_Cooper_

The proudest moment in a man's life, they say, is the first time you hold your child. But we'll get to that. I hadn't quite reached that part in my existence, but I was getting pretty darn close.

I couldn't tell the time just from cementing my eyes closed. I forced them open and glanced at the clock beside the bed. Damn; half past noon.

Arching my back, I rose out of bed and pulled on my coat. I smiled as I noticed my boots were wet. Sabina probably left them out all night. I slid my feet into them and stepped outside the van. The campsite was busy, men and women milling around, hurrying their children away from the play park and trying to convince them to eat some lunch. I could feel the midday heat rolling over my skin. The sun, a perfect circle today, hung in the middle of the sky.

The trek to the bathroom on a morning – or afternoon, whichever way you look at it – was annoying. It was especially inconvenient if you wanted the toilet in the middle of the night. It was generally pitch black and cold, making a quick trip to the bathroom seem like a week long chore.

After doing my business, I walked briskly back towards mine and Sabina's newly acquired camper van. The views around here were amazing. The park seemed to be well looked after by the staff, the grass freshly cut and adding to the countryside appearance. I'd never really had a liking for rural areas around America, having been brought up and thriving for so long in the large city of Scottsdale. But Sabina had insisted. Her only argument being that we probably wouldn't get another chance at a romantic, one-on-one holiday for a while. She'd picked the destination, and I'd picked the vehicle. Her shocked face when I'd brought it home with me had been hilarious.

"I just wanted to keep with the program!" I'd told her, having arrived home in the small van. It was old, maybe at least over a decade, but I thought it suited us well. With its antiquity came a certain style – like a hippy couple going on holiday to get stoned. It had a small cooker and fridge, a bed and a tiny couch at the opposite end to the driving pit. I'd installed an acceptable TV, but had had to make the wardrobe slightly smaller in order to achieve this. Sabina hadn't been happy. She'd quite immediately refused to drive the thing. Her hormones really made me laugh, consequently making her angry.

The door creaked as I let myself in, taking in Sabina's collapsed form over the bed. She'd pushed the covers down below herself, resting on top of them to make the bed more comfortable. She had a lot more complaints recently. _I wonder why_, I thought, jokingly. Almost metaphorically, her hands were set under herself, pressed firmly onto her enlarged stomach.

The baby was due exactly one week from now.

She was huge, and never failed to mention to me how much she hated it. "I just look fat; no one can even tell I'm pregnant!" She always moaned, even though my heart soared with each word. She was not fat, and was, definitely, pregnant. A child together. My child. My mind still couldn't quite comprehend it.

Most people wouldn't have risked coming on holiday so close to the birth, but we'd seen it differently. I'd much rather she give birth while relaxed, even if that be in a completely separate place to Scottsdale, and she'd never be able to calm herself, sitting at home alone, wondering when the time would come.

I sat my ass down on the bed next to her. She seemed to wake slightly, moving her head into my lap and stretching across me. "You sleep ok?"

She smiled. "No, I hate this damn thing."

Laughing, I stroked her hair absentmindedly. "We'd better go feed you two."

She nodded into my sweats, but didn't move her body. "I can go out and bring you some food back if ya like?" I offered. Her arm across my legs twitched slightly, and that was her: she was up and dressing herself.

"Nah, I need to give my parents a call anyway." I smiled, watching her in her difficulty to put on her maternity trousers.

The phone signal around here was really poor. We'd discovered a few hot spots for phone calls, but it didn't inconvenience us too much. The point of the holiday had been to spend some alone time together, rather than with outside influence.

Thinking about her parents drew my mind back to when we'd told them about our pregnancy news. Liz and Edward had come down to visit us for a few days after Sabina's run in with Alex Rider. Edward had had a lot of questions to ask her, questions he didn't want to be answered over the phone.

We'd sat them down in our living room and told them the news.

_"Mum, Dad… Me and Cooper've got some other news for you, besides the stuff with Alex." Sabina began. Her dad leaned forwards sort of, wanting to carry on questioning her, but she silenced him by holding up her hand. "Dad, I know there's a lot you wanna know, but we've got to tell you this. Is that ok?" Sabina twiddled her thumbs._

_Her mom nodded, putting a hand at Edward's knee. Her face was sombre, like she was half way expecting us to admit that we were splitting up. _

_I snaked my arm around to Sabina's waist to cure the mood. Liz seemed slightly brighter. _

_Sabina sighed. "Well... there are a few things I guess." The way her hands were moving over one another was starting to annoy me. I laid my own hand over both of hers to stop her distraction. She didn't look at me, but simply carried on, understanding, I guessed, that it would be far better to get on with it. "For a start, we've decided to get married." Sabina smiled across to her mother, who beamed. _

_Liz was out of her seat before anyone even realised. She embraced us both, her head in between us. "Congratulations, kids! I'm so happy for you!"_

_Sabina was smiling. "Thanks, Mum." She seemed to smile like she was hiding something, and Liz, pulling away and staring into her daughter's face, knew straight away. _

_"Oh, no, Sabina… You're not?" Liz's face was strange. Although it was painfully obvious that she was relatively angry, she was letting off that she was also pleased. I was grateful; I knew how Sabina had been dreading this. "How long?"_

_Edward seemed to be missing something, and hated that fact. "Liz, what's wrong?"_

_Sabina's mother half turned, facing both her husband and her daughter. She looked toward Edward when she spoke. "Sabina's…" She sighed. "Sabina's pregnant." She said straight, moving her eyes back to Sabina, showing uncertainty, almost daring her to deny it, to prove her wrong. _

_I stared into Sabina's face then, wondering how all this was affecting her. She was an emotional wreck already without all this excitement. A tear escaped the corner of her eye and I used my arm to pull her into me. _

"_Just go with it." I whispered to her, using a finger to wipe her cheeks dry. "The worst is over, keep going." I cooed her, trying my best to comfort her back into the conversation. _

_Sabina didn't stay in my embrace for long, looking both her parents in the eyes simultaneously. "I know it's a surprise," she continued, holding strong. I was proud of her, secretly dreading the moment I'd have to tell my parents. "But we think we can handle the responsibility-"_

"_We've not got much of a choice." I interrupted. She glanced at me, holding my eyes for a short second. _

_She addressed her parents again. "We're both committed to the decision, and Cooper," her hands gesticulated towards me, "feels that the best way to give the child our best upbringing would be to get married now to prove we want to make a go of it."_

_Sabina's mother seemed totally lost for words, shuffling back to her seat and sitting slowly. Her hand rested on her mouth to conceal her shock. Finally, she tensed her jaw. "Sabina, marriage isn't an issue here. Getting married has never had any effect on a child's well being." Edward shuffled to his wife, hovering in case she wanted the support. I couldn't help feeling like we were all segregated. The two couples, sat opposite, together but apart. It was strange. _

"_I know…" I sighed, now moving my hand to emphasise my point. All eyes turned to me. "I understand that for most people marriage isn't necessary when a child is introduced, but this really means something to me." I tightened my grip on Sabina's body, instinctively trying to be closer to her. "Me and Sabina are both really passionate in succeeding this baby, and I want to make my commitment to Sabina known before we start. I love her more than anything in the world, and I couldn't be more proud of her than I am right now."_

_Liz smiled, but Edward seemed much more closed. "Is this what you want, Sabina?" His voice was harsh, making it almost impossible for her to lie. _

_Sabina's eyes moved from her father, to me, and back again. Her gaze said everything. We would be together. It was what we both wanted, perhaps not so soon, but now the opportunity had arrived, we both wanted to best for our unborn baby. After everything that'd happened, we were determined to get ourselves back on track, one step at a time. _

"_Daddy, this is exactly what I want," she smiled, "Cooper is what I need." Her fingers rubbed gradually against my inner thigh affectionately. I couldn't help but grin towards my soon-to-be parents-in-law. _

The admissions with my parents had been much easier. Since I was the man in this equation, my parents were more concerned about what would happen should we split up. I'd tried my best to make it clear that I couldn't see it happening, but if it did, I'd still have a great interest in looking after my child. My mom had seen Sabina directly afterwards and they'd talked baby for well over an hour.

We'd only been married two and a half months, or so. The whole event had been small. Both our families, friends from both sides and the mutual friends we'd met from work. Sabina had sent out an invitation for Alex; however he'd not made it. She also sent an invitation, via the British Secret Service, to a lady called Jack. She had made it. Sabina had been so pleased to see her, embracing her and crying on contact with her. Jack Starbright was a really lovely woman, bringing her boyfriend over with her. Also American, I knew her back story, Alex's only parent after the age of fourteen who'd had to leave him due to dangerous circumstances surrounding Alex's career. After the main ceremony, I'd finally had a chance to speak to her. The stories she'd told me had been fascinating. Tales about Alex that I'd never even considered, both her and Alex's relationship with Sabina from the young age, and things about her past that she'd made sure not to forget. Jack had mentioned Alex's uncle, and former legal guardian, to me and introduced me to why Alex was the way that he was. The respect I felt for Jack Starbright, and to a certain part of Alex Rider, seemed to soar after even a first meeting.

This was our honeymoon. The campsite, just outside our front door, wouldn't seem much to most people, but I felt that it suited us. Neither of us was anything special, we couldn't afford to travel abroad, and the fact that we were both happy here, in this small caravan park, tucked away in the smallest corner of Palm Springs, California, really meant something to me. I'd never explored too far into my backyard to realise America could be this beautiful. Sabina'd been talking recently about transporting our bus over to the UK, so we could take a similar trip around the British Isles. To be honest, though, I didn't rate the idea of taking a small child on such a long journey with no entertainment except the views from the front window. It wouldn't work, straight. Maybe we'd have to put those dreams on hold, for now.

"You ready?" Sabina's voice from across the room dragged me from my reverie and back down to a reality – that of supporting my pregnant wife on her first bathroom trip of the day. That thought made me smile. Although she couldn't help being pregnant, I took some amusement from her discomfort. I'd already wondered whether it'd be worth having 'World's Best Husband' tattooed across my forehead. Somehow, I didn't think it would fit.

"What's funny?" Sabina grinned along with me, taking my hand to and getting me to my feet.

I shook my head, grasping at her fingers and leading us, single file, out of the van.

The walk to the toilets, as I've already mentioned, wasn't a long one, although it did sometimes feel like it. Donning a nine-month pregnant wife, however, lengthened the journey even further. We chatted, simply conversationally, for the five minute walk.

Sabina mentioned her reluctance to give up work for such a long duration of time. We'd had this discussion before, and it usually turned into a short lived argument. We were both agreed that we'd never be able to afford private child care, however Sabina claimed that we could share the shifts. I'd not taken to this idea, though. What kind of life would our child have, seeing mommy for one day, and daddy the next when it could be avoided? I'd told her many a time that my income would cover us far enough to get by, then when baby was old enough to get by a little alone, Sabina could think about pursuing a career in fashion design or something. We were both agreed, however, that neither us could continue working at the diner for the rest of our lives. The money just wouldn't be enough.

Soon, but not soon enough, Sabina was kissing my cheek and assuring me she'd try not to be too long. We parted. She waddled her way into the women's bathroom, and I loitered outside.

The hissing of the wind took me completely by surprise. The sun was out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, so how could the gushing ruin such a perfect day?

"Pssst!" My ears filled with the soaring noise of the leaves rustling against one another far above me. I was shocked at the apparent ferocity of the gales, wondering what me and Sabina would actually be able to do today after the sudden change in the weather. She wasn't well balanced at the best of times, let alone when she was carrying so much extra weight. She could barely walk in a straight line!

Tapping my foot against the cement, fake-pebbled floor, the sounds of the wind filled my ears. "Pssssssssst!" They sang as if they were actually calling to me. I raised my head to take a look at the tree tops, when it felt like I was falling.

I could feel a faint pressure on my arm, but as soon as it had been there it was gone. There I was, sat on my ass outside the women's toilets, when I saw him.

Alex Rider. His face filled my vision, like it'd been years since I'd seen it last. He was perched on the balls of his feet deep in the foliage. The only part of him that looked alive was his arm, outstretched towards me. He'd grabbed me, I was sure of it.

"Alex?" I was whispering without any prompt.

"Shh." He put his finger to his lips, his head shooting side to side as he checked that no one had seen him.

I waited patiently before he finally spoke. "How long do you think she'll be in there?"

"A while." I replied, my face perfectly neutral. "How long have you been watching us?"

"Not long." His eyes looked past me, into the campsite and around my body. "I came to talk to you, the agency think I'm in Ohio."

To say I was stunned was an understatement. What did Alex Rider want from me? He'd already had my wife, almost killed her, and returned her with bruises covering her entire body – and he wanted something from me?

"Say what you came to say, Alex," I told him. "I don't want Sabina to see you."

He nodded. "Understandable." His features were sombre, like he expected me to go for him. As if I'd try and hit him. Not here, not ever. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding. Will you please tell her that?" With his voice pleading with me like this, I didn't think I'd be able to deny him that. "MI6 contacted me to say you'd both invited Jack… I couldn't compromise her again. If we'd both been spotted in the same place, we'd have done much worse than ruin your reception. Tell Sabina, and Jack, if you stay in contact with her, that I'm sorry for that."

"Fine." I nodded, wiping my dirty hands down against my knees.

"Look, about what happened – there's no way I can be apologetic enough. 'I'm sorry' simply would not suffice. I was in an awkward position, not that I'm trying to defend myself." He held up a hand, warding off my debates before I even voiced them. "It was entirely my fault, just as it was the first time. I'm sorry for being the reason she was damaged, as much as I can be."

"Anything else?" I asked, now feeling a little embarrassed. After falling, you can only sit down for so long before you look stupid.

Finally, he smiled. "Congratulations." Now I felt shocked. "I saw her and, even from a distance, she looks healthy."

I laughed, genuinely, for the first time. I could remember the first time I'd met Alex. Back when he was Alex Collins. I thought I'd grown up a lot since then. I could be wrong, but the resentment I'd felt towards him was gone now – he was just a guy. "Don't tell her that, she'll think you're telling her she's fat."

Alex's grin continued. "Do you know what it is yet?"

The way he talked about our baby insulted me a little. He or she was not an 'it'. 'It' would be a person, a child; my child. 'It' was not a dog. My face must have shown it cause his smile seemed to disappear a little. "No, we don't know yet. I don't want to know." I tried to continue our civil conversation, but I was getting worried that Sabina would be out soon.

He picked that up too. His eyes shot to the door through which she'd gone. "She'll be finished soon. I should go."

I nodded. "Yeah." I looked down, putting my hands underneath my body and getting up from my knees. "Thanks for coming, Alex." I knelt for a second to look him the eye. "It is nice to see you again, under the circumstances."

His features turned up briefly, before he showed his impartial expression once more. "Sure. And, again, I'm sorry. I don't want to mention for what, but I'm positive you'll know. It was wrong of me, I can see that now from the way she looks at you… you're right for her, good for her." I winced slightly as he spoke. It'd taken a lot for me to look Sabina square in the eye after she'd revealed her drunken night spent with Alex Rider. Even though I'd suspected it, there was no denying: I'd been devastated. Still, she'd chosen me. Everyone makes mistakes, I guess. "Tell her I'm sorry, please, some time when she won't look for me."

"I will." I said, simply, stretching my hand forward into he bushes. I couldn't imagine how strange this would look should anyone walk past.

Alex Rider shook my hand, gave me a small smile and, with that, he let me go.

Sabina seemed to exit the toilets so suddenly, it was like I'd never seen her go in there. I was still bent, leaning into the foliage.

"What are you doing?" She asked me, quizzically. "That bush got something important in it? You look so serious."

I smiled, taking in her bloated form and watching her struggle her way over to me. "Nothing. There was a dog, I was just stroking it."

"Oh." She laughed. Bending over, with much difficulty, she examined the spot where Alex Rider had last been. "There's nothing there now." She smiled at me. "Maybe you're getting a bit old. Imagining things?" Jokingly, she put her arms around my waist, staring up at me, that playful glint open within her eyes. "I hope not though, cause that means I'm getting old, too."

"Sabina, you're not old." We parted at one side and began to walk, arm in arm, towards the onsite restaurant. "You're gorgeous, beautiful and… and-"

"If you're about to say 'and you've got a wonderful personality', I swear I'll hit you." She interrupted, smiling.

"I was going to tell you that you are my perfect woman, but my perfect woman doesn't interrupt, so maybe you've lost out." I leant my neck down, kissing her forehead.

Her grin diminished a little, but she was still happy. "The three of us…" Her free hand rubbed across her stomach. "We're gonna be fine, right?"

I didn't have to look at her for long to know that her doubts were wrong. Sabina, me and our child would be perfectly fine. What, after everything that had happened, could go wrong? I'd always feel a lot of emotions towards Alex Rider: anger, jealousy, bitterness; but I'd forever by grateful to him. Everything we'd been through, mostly at Sabina's expense, was all in his name, and it had made us stronger. Together, nothing could put us through further harm. As a family, there was nothing we couldn't do.

Finally, breaking my long eye contact with her, I nodded. "Sab, baby, and baby, there's no doubt in my mind…" I smiled, wrapping my arms firmly around her large waist. "With me and you in this for life, what problem could ever gonna be too big?"

She stretched onto her tiptoes, reaching her lips to mine. Regrettably, after a few seconds, she froze. Her legs tensed, then softened and she collapsed into my arms.

I knew what she was about to say, even before she whispered it. "Oh my, god!" Her face winced a little, still smiling. "Phone someone, I think my waters just broke."


End file.
